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Would you walk up to someone at church and
Posted: Jun 28, 2011
tell them they are inappopriately dressed? My 15yo niece has gotten involved with a teen group at a local church. She's a very nice girl and my brother does NOT let her dress provocatively. She does have quite a little figuring happening though. Let's just say she has been blessed.
She started going with this boy at church who is being raised by his grandparents and his mother. Basically, the grandparents are raising him and it is quite clear that they adhere to the man being head of household, etc. The boy invited her to his home for a pool party. When she got there, she was told she needed to cover up as they felt her swimsuit was too revealing. It is your basic one piece swimsuit. They told my niece that they didn't want their grandson to have "impure thoughts." Well, I got news for them, he's a 16yo boy! They would probably die of a heart attack if they new the impure thoughts this boy has and most probably have nothing to do with my niece!
Well, it hurt my niece's feelings and she immediately went home. Also, the grandparents will not let their randson go out of dates, they will not let him come over to my brother's house. I don't think they "approve" of my brother and sister-in-law because they are not regular church goers and they smoke. They are believers, they just don't go to church. But they still do not approve of premarital sex and would never allow my niece to be alone with a boy period.
Now, last Sunday at church, the grandmother went up to my niece and told her that "people" were talking about the way she dressed at church! It's a Baptist church, but I'm not sure if that has anything to do with it. I'm just afraid that all this crap is going to affect my niece's opinion of church and of Christians in general. I'm afraid she is going to feel that all Christians and all churchs are jugmental and self-righteous. I participate on a religious debate website and I have met so many people who basically hate Christianity because of a handful of fanatics and just downright awful people professing to be Christians. I hate for my niece to become one of those people.
;
When the day comes.... - LovinGod
[ In Reply To ..]God will not ask what you were wearing or how and when you worshiped.
Also, Christains are not to be so judgmental.
Sad, I say.
I think you are being judgemental of the self-righteous - christian fanatics!
[ In Reply To ..]Help your niece to understand that the world is comprised of all kinds of people with all kinds of religion and beliefs and that she should be respectful of their beliefs in their presence if asked. Help her to be a well-rounded, cultured girl instead of showing that inkling of hatred towards those Christian Fanatics!
First of all, I making a judgment in my own mind. I have not self-righteously - LaLaMT
[ In Reply To ..]walked up to these people and told them what I think of them. That's the difference between me and them.
I was in church and there was a young girl of early 20s wearing some of those low riding jeans. I was sitting directly behind. She sat down to attend to her baby at one point during the praise and worship and those jeans rode waaaaay low and you could see half her behind, crack and all. I found it offensive and highly inappropriate, BUT then I reminded myself that at least she was in church. God impressed upon me to tell her I was glad to see her there. And then I let God deal with the rest.
Plus telling my niece that "people" are talking about how she dresses is just completely inappropriate. So what is this woman saying, that people are gossiping in church? I would bet there were no "people." Just the grandparents who are afraid their grandson might have impure thoughts about my niece's boobs!
Furthermore, Christianity, in my opinion, should be about worshiping a loving God, embracing His teachings and striving to walk in His footsteps. Not about joint exclusionary clubs that enforce a bunch of manmade rules in an effort to make the members feel superior!
And don't ever accuse me of being self-righteous. I know my faults. I know I'm not worthy to sit in judgment of anyone. Do I make judgments, yes, I'm human, but I do it privately and I would never and hope I have never hurt anyone purposefully with my opinions.
There is no excuse for anyone criticizing her - Or anyone else
[ In Reply To ..]There are some people who think they're doing the "proper" thing by informing people that they aren't dressed appropriately. All I would tell her is to ignore them. God is definitely not interested in clothing and as long as she herself feels comfortable with what she's wearing, I'm sure she's just fine.
I can remember myself (waaaay back in the 70s) wearing these mini-dresses that were so short they came with matching panties for underneath. I thought they were adorable. I wore them to church and I'm sure I raised some eyebrows, but if someone had criticized me, I would have been hurt.
There are hyper-critical people who go to church, but certainly not all of them are and she'll just have to deal with this boy's grandmother as best as she can. I hope this doesn't discourage her from going to church. She sounds like a nice young lady.
preach on sister.... - nm
[ In Reply To ..];)
Oh dear, was I preaching? Sorry, I do tend to get on my soapbox! - LaLaMT
[ In Reply To ..]I'm definitely in no position to be preaching to anyone. :)
Sadly, these are pretty much the reasons I quit going to church - mt
[ In Reply To ..]The stares, the gossip, etc. I'm one of the people that can't afford the nice dressy clothes (I'm an at-home MT and mom of 5 kids, c'mon!). I feel I should be able to go to church in a nice blouse and blue jeans and be just fine. What it comes down to is this - God knows my heart. I teach my children about God and His ways. When it's my time, I will ask him to forgive me of all my sins and have mercy for I am only human.
Unfortunately, a lot of churches have become a place for people to go, gossip, and do social time that is not necessarily God-based. And I also remind myself that if all the sinners were taken out of the church, there would be no church. There are some great non-denominational churches out there that are for the more relaxed people that pretty much are like baptist church, but much more relaxed with a friendly atmosphere. Just have to do some church shopping and get out of your comfort zone, which I know is not fun.
Luckily, I have found a Lutheran church in my area that seems wonderful thus far. I've not heard any gossip or felt any untoward stares. Hope it stays that way. :)
Exactly the reason... - Jackie
[ In Reply To ..]We switched from a very uptight church to a nondemonination church. They could care less what you wear. Everyone is welcome. It's not about RELIGION, it's about a relationship with Christ....
All of this hatred toward Baptist churches.. - I go to a Baptist church that
[ In Reply To ..]is full of wonderful people. There is one woman there who likes to criticize my parenting while she has a 15-year-old son who weighs at least 500 pounds. Oh well. I will leave it all to God. There are nasty people in every group and in every church, but that's not what church is about. I usually just say, "Well bless your heart," and walk away. Then, I pray for her (but not like the song). I think that there is a lesson to be learned by your niece here, but not that all Baptists are bad people, just that there are people who are difficult to deal with everywhere.
Your brother and niece sound like nice folks - sm
[ In Reply To ..]and I can imagine that your niece was hurt. I think a one piece suit is certainly appropriate, and I think if there are issues with their dress code standards, they need to take it up with her parents, not try to shame her personally because of their hangups. I think they would probably find fault with most girls these days in regard to their boy. Having 3 kids myself, it's been tough knowing what's right and mine have certainly made their share of mistakes, as have I, but I think they are turning out to be good people. And having come from the '60s generation and all that, like someone said above wore skirts so short couldn't sit down, but so did everyone and didn't think anything about it, but then 1 of my daughters will see a picture from back then and go, MoOOmmmmm, look at your skirt, and I'm going okay what do I say, that was different, umhmmm.
I have always found it interesting the different interpretations of what 'religion' means to people and what they choose to do with that, just observations. I myself quit going to a physical church some time ago and hope I will be forgiven if that somehow is required, for not being able to tolerate the snotty, hurtful things that happened to me. I miss it sometimes because I could probably use some decent interaction with folks since I'm cooped up here all of the time. I hope this doesn't turn your niece off towards some of the positive aspects.
I was raised Methodist. My folks went for show I think because they were worried what someone might say if they did not show up. My first MIL and one of my grandmothers read scripture every day of their lives and were the most beautiful, loving, giving women but also very fun-loving people, great to be around.
DH now, second marriage, was raised Baptist, don't know a whole lot about his childhood but have a good idea from what he has told me. He wasn't allowed to date in high school or attend any functions like dances, proms, or anything involving mixed company. Sundays were church twice a day and no other activities and then one weekend night. He was pretty miserable, even the minister's son, who was one of his best friends, got to go to dances, and from what I understand one of the worst hell-raisers, mostly not know to his father of course. I think his dad had a bit of discrepancy issue with his birth date and his parent's marriage date. Funny how nature has always been and always will be around to deal with, even back in the good ole Model T days, lol. Of course 16-year-old boys are going to have "impure" thoughts but I don't think what they are doing is the answer, not sure what is since I've bumbled through mostly. Just have seen what I think it did to my DH. He graduated early, joined the service as soon as turned 18, didn't look back, and think his folks probably wouldn't be too pleased with the education that is also available in the service regarding the "birds and bees." I think they have mellowed a bit over the years to now. When they were here last summer, MIL was asking where a church was. DH offered to take them to a Baptist church not far from our home, but she chose to walk over to the nondenominational church a few blocks from here, very laid back, casual clothes but appears very popular, have police directing traffic, and she just wore some capris and a blouse. FIL stayed here with us. DH said was very unusual for them.
Anywho...sorry to go on. Just felt like chatting today, I guess, instead of starting work! I hope your niece doesn't take it to heart personally. I know I would have been embarrassed if someone said that to me and I thought I wasn't doing anything wrong. Unfortunately, there are going to a few in every crowd no matter where we go in life, huh, that want to see someone else hurt and miserable. I know that I don't feel it's someone else's right to inject their standards on me or my family, and if the rules are so strict, they need to be posted clearly in plain site so everyone has the opportunity to make an informed choice.
Let us know what happens and good luck! Don't know what the other replies have said, will go read now because have a feeling this could be one of those threads that gets moved to another board, and I think sometimes the replies are lost when that happens.
Excuse typos, not in working mode yet - sm
[ In Reply To ..]And please hope no one takes offense at what I said, went back and read, because certainly am not meaning to bash anyone's choices. I'm of the opinion that what someone else chooses in life is fine by me until it crosses over to affecting me or my family.
NOT UP TO US TO JUDGE! AS LONG AS GOD SEES YOU ARE IN CHURCH! - oaf
[ In Reply To ..]The grandparents are going to be in for a shock. He will be the type to later on down the road rebel and watch out Granny. I feel bad for your niece. She needs to decide if it is worth the nonsense....
I think your or your sister/brother should call up Grandma sm - RoadrunnerMT
[ In Reply To ..]and put her in her place. That is not very Christian like to be so rude to your niece in the way that she is. Blaming people in the church talking is her way of covering up meaning she feels that way; we all know that. I'd tell her how hurtful she has been to your niece, tell her to please if she is going to say something to do it more in a Christian way that is not so hurtful and have respect for your niece. Put her in her place. No telling how many people she has pushed away from that church and she will continue this behavior until someone puts her in her place.
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