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It is so sad when you still care about someone, maybe still love


Posted: Jun 26, 2016

because their behaviors are screwing up your life so badly. I believe I know my own answer, this is simply venting to people who hopefully understand.

For several years I have tried and tried until I am blue in the face to teach this man to NOT interrupt me at work  -  IC  MT.   I lost a perfectly good job in house because of him and this same behavior.    I thought I could control it somewhat when I turned IC MT.  Nope.

He knows very well about being paid by the line and no work = no money, no earned time or sick time or benefits,  how this career is circling the drain,  if I lose this job now its a very good chance I wont get another, and we will both be all done. 

Fast forward a few years.  I am now our sole support, and he knows it.  That was the deal we made,  he files for disability and not working now, and I support us until it comes through.

A few weeks ago I threatened him that because of his interruptions constantly that I dont have enough money made to pay the rent.   I cut off his tobacco and told him he better get patches and medication to stop smoking because we cant afford tobacco.  He said "its only $2 every other day" and I reminded him that adds up to $40-50 a month and that should go to the electric or internet bill.  I gave him a choice,  keep the tobacco and choose which utility to shut off.  Without either one,  I cant work and we are screwed, so YOU make the choice of which one to shut off.  He straightened up a little bit for a week or so, then gradually it comes creeping back. 

Today is about the last straw, I cant take any more.   I told him do not come upstairs to my office unless the place is on fire,  unless he or the pets need emergency health care.

Three times.   THREE.   FRIGGING.    TIMES.  he comes up here for piddly crap that is not in the least bit anywhere near important. 

The last time he comes up to ask  am I mad at him.  

No, of course not, why ever would you ask???   YOU MORON.     I absolutely love having my work interrupted, losing time and money,  running the risk of making a critical error for QA to slam me to the pavement and taze me.  This is great,  knowing you interrupt me so much that I may not be able to pay the frigging rent this next month. 

He has nowhere to go if he's not working, no family to take him in, no money unless his insurance settlement comes in very soon, and he really cant work full time because of his physical illness.

I have had enough.  I have been living in fear for weeks that I've made a critical error that will show up on the next audit and I will be out the door.  I am sick of stressing and worrying each week because I am low on lines and have to rush towards the end of the week to make it up and hope the work is there.

I care,  I dont want to turn him out in 90 degree temps and nowhere to go,  but if he keeps this crap up,  I will eventually make a critical error and lose this job.

I dont know what else to do;  I guess,  shove him overboard to save myself.

I have cried,  I have prayed,  I have explained this to him until I am blue in the face.  I even bullied him to start therapy for his issues.

He can go to the dam therapist tomorrow alone and explain why he's there alone,  why I didnt come with him and wont ever again.  He can explain why he's effed things up all by himself.

Cry  

 

 

;

I'm there too in some ways - support

[ In Reply To ..]
I told my husband countless times that if he sees me wearing the headset I'm working and don't interrupt unless it's a fire. After that didn't work, I closed my door. He'd knock, enter, ask me something ridiculous... where's (whatever)? It's in the kitchen. Where do you think it should be? I got furious. Unfortunately, my hubby has the memory of a very small child. Some things stick, some things don't. He can't help it. He's had brain surgery, more testing to come since memory is getting worse again. I can't leave him. He has nowhere to go and no one else to take care of all the things he'd need somebody else to do. He has a textbook of other conditions also. I understand his issues, but he never understands why I get mad anyway. Even when I tell him he just told me stuff a few minutes ago, he stands there and says "but I wanted to say....", the same stuff I just told him I heard a few minutes earlier. Because he has the urge to say it, he does it again and again. If I close the door on him, he realizes I'm mad and opens the door to tell me he's sorry, just wanted to say .... (again). I don't know if your husband has any medical issues that screw him up this way. It's frustrating regardless of whether it's physical, mental, or personality/attitude problems. I'm the primary support in our house also. I've already forced us to live about as cheap as possible. It still wasn't good enough, so I have multiple jobs to make it up. The only way to make decent money around husbands like this is to leave the house to earn it. It's keeping me sane. I hope. For your own sake, please try to blow off as much of the anger as possible or you're going to be the one who's sick. It's not a perfect way to deal with things, but it helps.

I'm so sorry you are going through this - MT

[ In Reply To ..]
I'm sure you realize this deep down, but you have a kind heart which he manipulates and uses. Maybe not even on purpose - he sounds like a child.

You have no other choice but to let him be an adult and take care of himself. That way, you at least have a chance of a happy future. If you don't, can you imagine what your future will be?

He brought this on himself. What a one-sided, selfish relationship he gives you. You have to start taking care of yourself, there's no other way. Otherwise, the breaking point for you could be much worse than your situation now (although I know that's easier said than done).

Positive thoughts to you!

Are you married to this moron? Seriously, if you - aren't kick him to the curb

[ In Reply To ..]
I have children AND my mom has Alzheimer's and they don't bother me after I laid down the law. This guy has a thick skull doesn't he ? I don't mean to sound mean but seriously - if he can't realize the magnitude of this situation I'd have NO use for him. If you are married, I'd lock him out, put a sign on the door saying DO NOT KNOCK ON THIS DOOR for any reason other than FIRE and then IGNORE him. If possible, lock TWO doors. If you aren't married I would tell him he needs to find someone else to sponge off of.

He sounds like a big spoiled baby. If I were - in your shoes, I'd dump him.

[ In Reply To ..]


Sorry you are dealing with the added aggravation of - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
someone who will not respect you or your job. If you want him to stay, I would put a lock on my office door and turn off my phone (in case he tries to call you). Also, he may be disabled, but if he is able to climb the stairs to bug you, he can get his butt out and volunteer somewhere on a part-time basis. This guy needs to turns his focus outward to what he can do for someone else. If he does this, I guarantee both of you will be a LOT happier.

Glad you came here to vent. We all need to do that sometimes. Remember that God loves you and cares about every detail of your life.

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