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Increasing number of angry kids

Posted: Oct 12, 2010

I have never seen so many angry kids as I do these days. I've seen lots of angry teens, but now I'm seeing so many angry young kids. I'm talking as young as 4 years old. What is up with all that anger?ï»¿

;

Lazy parents.. - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
Parents drop kids off at the babysitter at 6:30 am, for breakfast before school. After school, it is back to the babysitter, then to soccer practice, or some other organized activity until dinner, then eat, homework, play and bed at 9 or 10. Kids are stressed out and tired, it isn't easy being a child today.

Not just the kids - adults too

[ In Reply To ..]
What synchronicity! I just started thinking about this and just started REALLY noticing this for about the past week or so. I mean, I've always noticed it, but I've guess I've just started to look closer and really try to examine it in more detail lately.

Like you said, it's like it's almost rampant among kids, and being around a lot of kids, I see it a lot all the way down to age 3...hitting, angry and overall just plain mean.

But the teenagers and adults are just as bad too. Just look around you next time you go to the grocery store or the mall or anywhere else. People seem to want nothing to do with anybody else and if you watch closely, most of them have frowns or scowls on their faces. Very few of them seem to be smiling or laughing.

When you go into a restaurant, even though you see people sitting together, very few of them are really talking to each other and very few of them are smiling. And a lot of times, I'll see them sitting across the table from each other, but each one of them has a cell phone up to their ear and they're busy talking to someone else.

I'd be interested to hear everybody's theories on this. Do you think is just that everybody is under too much stress these days or what?

My reply - funny post this is as I just noticed it too - anon

[ In Reply To ..]
A few weeks ago I woke up to the 2 ladies across the street fighting, at the same time the husband and wife next door to the right of us was fighting, 3 houses away some couple was having a fight, and 2 doors down 2 kids (around 5 years old each) were fighting. It was absolutely crazy. I really hate hearing people fight. It just does something inside and gets me down. I know fighting is a part of everyone's life, but to bring it out in the open for everyone to hear is just bad. Then on top of that there were lawn mowers, chainsaws, dirt bikes, and those little electric skooter type things teenagers ride. It was just awful.

I think with kids fighting its the parents fault. If they are not fighting themselves they are probably stressed out and they don't pay any attention to their kids. They just scoot them out the door and tell them to go play. We have a bully neighbor boy (about 5) who uses the "F" word very very frequently, not even in a proper sentence, just likes to shout it and says the "I don't give an f" (gee wonder where he heard them from). He hits the neighbor girl, pushes her down and does things to make her cry (she's about 4 or 5) and then he laughs about it. She has that screeching shrill at the top of her lungs and cries, but her mother and her mother's live in guy hardly ever come out to find out what's going on. Once I heard the mother tell the boy to leave her alone.

I too have noticed people at the grocery stores do not smile and most look angry. Once in awhile there will be a lady who will make a comment to me about a product, but for the most part it's a pretty quiet place to go.

I believe it's all stress. Close to 20% unemployment throughout the country, people losing jobs, having a hard time making ends meet, and if you have kids would imagine that makes it even more harder.

I also believe there are other things out there beyond anyone's imagining going on. Too many things happening at a faster rate (child abductions, bullying, crime, earth changes, etc), to all be just a coincidence. Just very very weird times we live in.

My thoughts - Silly Girl

[ In Reply To ..]
I think a LOT of it has to do with the parents and how they were brought up - only nowadays, things are x10! We have some friends who have 2 little boys. When the boys at our house, they are good. Maybe a little rowdy, but they are boys. When their parents are with them, however, their parents spend as much time, if not more, yelling, grabbing, pinching, etc than the kids do! It's their environment. Their parents are always stressed about money. They both have dyslexia so they don't read to their kids. They plan their evenings around the tv schedule.
Yes, my kids have school, homework, soccer, cheerleading, chores and all kinds of activities. However, my husband and I remain calm and don't stress about it and I truly believe this reflects in our kids. I work full time, take college courses full time and volunteer part time at my child's school. If some nights we have sandwiches for dinner, then that's okay - we still sit down and eat the sandwiches together at the dining room table. I don't watch much tv and I'm okay with that - because I take the time to help my kids with their homework and tuck them into bed at night. Saturday evenings and Sundays are family time. We do things as a family or my husband will take the kids hunting or fishing while I catch up on laundry or homework.
People need to learn what matters and what doesn't.

Can I adopt you as my mom - anonymoose

[ In Reply To ..]
You sound like a wonderful mother and your family is lucky to have someone with your way of thinking. I miss my mom terribly and your post reminded me so much of my mom.

However, since I'm in my 50s I'm probably old enough to be your mom. :-)

Would love to have you! - Silly Girl

[ In Reply To ..]
Actually, we're not that far apart in age - you can be my sister! :)

I'm sorry about your mom.

I hope you have a beautiful day!!

Funny, I thought just the opposite yesterday... - Kendra

[ In Reply To ..]
I took my son to soccer practice yesterday, which, by the way, I do NOT think makes me a lazy parent. If I were lazy, I wouldn't bother. I stopped in at the gas station and had a chat with a very pleasant older man and his just as pleasant teenage grandson. When I was driving home, several people smiled and waved and I was thinking, "Wow, isn't it nice how happy everyone is?" I just think it's interesting to have come across this post this morning. Hope everyone has a great day! :)

I agree, I also think it depends on where you live - sm - RuralVAMT

[ In Reply To ..]
I am in VA, near Richmond but a few counties out and a bit rural (no cable, no DSL, closest grocery store 5 miles away, town 20 miles away), and the first thing I noticed when moving here 12 years ago was how friendly everyone was. They still are too. Everyone is quite friendly in the stores, school, activities, etc. My kids are not involved in sports but do Girl Scouts, some clubs at school and dance. They are doing something generally 3 evenings/afternoons a week and have plenty of down time and we do things together on the weekend around my work schedule. I do not consider myself lazy (quite the opposite) in having my kids do activities outside the home. The parents I consider nuts are the ones that keep their kids so busy they don\'t have time to be kids, with every weekend and several week nights tied up with softball games, soccer, volleyball, swimming, etc. I have an acquaintance whose kid never stops, once one league ends then another starts, year round, and a few even overlap. The Dad is a coach so he has them practicing in any rare off time, though he is spending time with his kids (2 girls) doing this I just think it is too extreme, even the mom complains to me about it but does nothing to slow it down though. Her younger daughter is good friends with my older daughter and she is not allowed to play or have friends over if her practice with dad has not been done. I presume they are pushing them so they get scholarships, though they have the money (lots of it through a few inheritances, real estate, lumbar) to afford college without it. Though it could just be a fit thing too, both are quite athletic, dad does Iron Man competitions, etc. So there is healthy activity and going to the extreme. My schedule gets nuts but I do it, kids are happy and healthy, both straight A students, and they get to goof off plenty, have friends over, play games, ride bikes, just be a kid. But at the same time they get to interact with kids on a different level other than school, do something fun with dance (one is in tap and jazz, my other is in jazz, ballet and pointe classes) and learn some life lessons in the process hopefully.

I am probably the parent who runs the risk of having.... - Kendra

[ In Reply To ..]
her children too busy. I always had tons of activities with cheerleading, rodeo, softball, soccer, FFA, and anything else I could fill my time with and I LOVED it as a kid. Right now, my son is 4 and he does swim lessons (which have ended for the year), Jiu-Jitsu two nights a week, soccer practice two nights a week and a game on Saturdays. My husband is deployed and I think I am trying to keep the kids and myself as busy as I can to keep the time moving, but we cannot afford preschool and don't qualify for HeadStart or anything like that, so while my son can read well and write some, add and subtract, I think that the sports and martial arts are teaching him a little bit of structure, which will help him once he starts kindergarten. I probably will back off on some activities once he starts school, unless he says that he wants to continue with them, but for now, I think he enjoys his time with the other kids, since where we live is quite rural, as well, and his activities are the only interaction he has with other children besides his 19-month-old brother.

Yea, a little busy but he is 4 and not in school - sm - RuralVAMT

[ In Reply To ..]
so that is not bad at all, what you are doing is kind of in liu of preschool, it is good socialization and as you say it keeps you both active and from dwelling as well. Mine are 10 and 12, and the lady I mentioned, her kids are 14 and 12, and are just too busy. They both have an extremely heavy school load (private school), mandatory sports there, plus they belong to 3 different softball leagues, and 2 swimming leagues as well. These kids barely have time to breath let alone play. I feel bad for them. It is getting worse though and my daughter barely sees her friend any more as they are always busy with sports. The older one finally had enough and said she did not want to swim anymore, her parents were crushed but smart enough not to force it, so now she is only doing her 3 different leagues of softball, and this is with bad knees and a back condition to boot, she is 14 and gets regular cortisone shots in her knees. The activity is actually good for her issues but still seems like way too much to me. But the younger is is still doing mandatory soccer, basketball and volleyball at her school, plus 3 softball leagues and now 1 swim league, all the mom and dad do is coordinate who is driving who to where, kids do their homework in the car (about 2 hours a night or more of it), nuts. Both mine are home by 6:15 from any activities except Thursdays 8:45 as dance is late that night, and every other Monday girl scouts until 7:45 but homework is done before the meeting and before dance, and my other has girl scouts once a month on Friday nights 5-7 so that is really a non-issue for me. There is good healthy actvity w/o lazy parenting as suggested above, and there is activity where you keep your kid so busy you don't have to ever interact with them (under the guise that it is good for them), I put that up with the parents who dump their kids on Grandpa and Grandma every weekend (and yes some people do do that)...I can see doing that every once in while if you like to do that and they want that too, but not EVERY weekend (why have kids?). I think it is the kids that have no outside interests are the ones to worry about. I would never force my kids to do something they don't want to, but they would not sit around here playing video games all day either. My 10-y/o daughter told me last night she wants to take 4 dance classes next year (she really loves dance), luckily many meet on the same day and are back to back (each class meets one night/afternoon a week for 1 hour, except pointe, that is only 30 minutes once a week), but it still gets hectic juggling it all sometimes.

Absolutely.... - Kendra

[ In Reply To ..]
I am sure that the parents of those other kids are trying to do what they think is best. Luckily, we are all free to parent our own children, right? Sounds like you have great kids!

angry kids - mom rules

[ In Reply To ..]
I have been thinking about this myself lately in respect to my own situation. Is it that we as parents allow our children to make decisions that they have no business making and then when we override them they become angry because they want things their way?? They carry around the anger because like all children they want their own way. How dare we flex our parental muscle/mind and override them?? It doesn't help when other family members back the child's idea and not the parent. So why doesn't mom or dad think like grandma and grandpa and I do? Simple mom and dad have to support you grandma and grandpa don't!!

Just a thought. THanks for letting me vent

Not just angry kids, angry parents, angry young adults - Backwards Typist

[ In Reply To ..]
I think this all started back in the early 80s. Parents started putting their kids in dance school, sports activities, and what have you, then would brag to other parents about it if the other parents didn't have their kids in all those activities. So...the vicious circle began.

Competition is the name of the game today. Parents tend to push the kids so much in every activity that comes down the pike that the kids don't have time to be kids.

As a teen, they are pushed even more. They have to get A's and if they don't, they are pushed to the extreme. In turn, they grow up to be angry young adults.

I have read so much violence going on with kids as young as 7 trying to kill someone, as teens being violent against their peers and just recently read about a lot of young women fighting with each other, stabbing, shooting, and what have you. Just the other day, I read locally about a young woman who had a verbal argument with two women and when that escalated, she went in the house and got a pan of boiling water that was on the stove and threw it on the other two women.

The world and all its technology is spinning faster and faster and it's just too hard and frustrating to try to keep up. They're expected to be tops in everything plus volunteer for in an activity to even graduate from high school. It's just too much.

Let kids be kids. Let them make the choice of activities they want to join and, if nothing is interesting to them, let them alone. They will find something interesting sooner or later.

I think that there are two ways to look at this... - Kendra

[ In Reply To ..]
Growing up, I did TONS of activities, which I enjoyed very much, and I never even tried drugs, never got in a fight, did not drink, did not have sex in high school and always got straight A's. Children who are busy with constructive activities are typically not the children who are getting and fights and trouble, at least from my experience. If my kids are busy with sports and other activities, I think that they are less likely to be engaged in other, more destructive, activities that come about due to boredom. Just something to think about. I can tell that I will probably not have a lot of people agreeing with me, but at least I will know where my children are and what they are up to.

I agree with you! - anon

[ In Reply To ..]
I think the most important thing is for parents to be really involved with the kids - whether they do a lot of activities or not. My daughter was in indoor/outdoor track and cross country for 5 years (starting in 8th grade). She was in many clubs and had tons of activities and even worked at a restaurant her senior year. The pattern of keeping busy followed her through college. She made good grades, graduated in 4 years. She is now married, has a good job, and continues to stay very busy, coaching girls soccer in addition to many other activities. I think it just depends on the kid and the parents. If they just drop the kid off at practice and games and never get involved, then I can see a problem. Too much time on the computer and cell phones I see as more of a problem than organized activities.

I agree with you s/m - Silly Girl

[ In Reply To ..]
I sooo agree with you! It's not unusual for me at all to get requests from other parents to help get their kids to games, practices or to bring them home afterwards because the parents are running late. I absolutely don't mind one bit because like you said - I know where my children are! I love looking outside at night and seeing my yard full of kids. In fact, one Friday evening I ordered pizza and when the delivery driver got there, her eyes were huge and she said "I'm being ambushed!!". There were about 12 kids in my yard along with everything Nerf imaginable! I wouldn't have it any other way!!

Kids are spoiled - Kidsxxxx

[ In Reply To ..]
I blame the parents. They are giving kids cell phones when they're barely out of diapers, buying cars for them, never making them work, etc. They're raising worthless brats.

Not all the kids fault - My observations

[ In Reply To ..]
Parents need to teach their children that anger is not acceptable. Hitting, screaming, throwing themselves on the ground,kicking. All those things need to be stopped by the parents. I think the parents are too stressed or just don't want to be bothered with the teaching process that has to take place.

Perfect example:
Grandma A (my cousin) takes here granddaughter to the park for a concert.

Grandma B decides to bring her grandson, my cousin's grandaughters half-brother to the park too. The little boy (5 years-old) sees another kid with bubbles and decides he wants bubbles. He proceeds to scream, throw himself on the ground, kicking and screaming as loud as he can. Grandma B just sits there and ignores him.

Grandma A gets sick of everyone looking at them and the kid screaming so she says to her granddaughter "Let's go up front closer to the band". This really sets the kid off and he starts acting out even more.

Grandma B continues to ignore him.

Grandma A says come on with us, she gets about 20 feet away and he is still screaming he wants bubbles. She grabs him by the arm, gets down on his level, looks him in the eye and says "You knock it off right now, this is not the way you act in public". He stops screaming and is crying and says "I want bubbles" she said, we don't have any bubbles and we are not leaving to go buy you bubbles, so you stop that screaming and kicking right now or you can go sit back down with Grandma B. The kid shut up and knocked it off.

Parents/caregivers/grandparents today don't take the time to teach kids that when they tell them to stop acting like spoiled brats they mean it and they have to actually take the time to follow-through on it. You can't blame it all on the kids when the adults never tell them what they are doing is not acceptable behavior.

Yea, more people need to actually parent - sm - RuralVAMT

[ In Reply To ..]
I get compliments a lot for for my 2 girls, well-behaved, good manners which have improved as they have gotten older, all their teachers love them, etc. We trained/taught them from the beginning to behave while out, in restaurants, while traveling, etc. It takes hard work to turn out good kids, too many parents just don't want to make the effort. Mine are spoiled rotten I admit, but they earn all their "toys" and certainly don't get everything they want. They also help with cleaning, and various household chores too, though nothing carved in stone. We make them pay for anything big either in full or in part, Christmas is the only time they don't have to do that. My kids paid for the Wii they have in full, new dog in part, as well as pitch in when eating out (if they want a milkshake they pay for it), they pay for friends to come along on outings. We try to teach them about money. My younger daughter says she doesn't want to grow up as it is just too much to worry about. Smart kid. But my younger also does have that sense of entitlement creap in every now and then she will come out with a whopper of something she wants and expects us to buy her, (latest is new paint, furniture and bedding for her room), total overhaul) and I shoot her down really fast, she knows that it drives me crazy. (my DH is very bad with this regarding family money/inheritance). She wants a car when 16 (not gonna happen), lastest cell phone as all she has is a flip-phone now, other gadgets. Yes she just a cell phone at 10 but not of my doing, BIL got kids phones against my wishes, and he is footing the bill as I/we refuse to. She barely uses it though. My older one knows if she gets bad grades, or stays up messing with her Droid phone texting it is gone. She had the flip-phone at first but whined so much to her uncle he gave her his old Droid and got another one. That was his stupidity. I do have to remind her at times to turn it off, or stop texting as it is rude (eating, etc). But all in they have turned out well, and I expect the teen years not to be too bad as I am very close to them both, just trying to do what my parents did as they did a good job with me and my brothers. Time will tell.

angry toddlers - magsnfla

[ In Reply To ..]
I think kids are stressed. pediatricians have said for years that people overstimulate their kids, even babies. Babies and kids need to explore the world at their own rate - not be stimulated constantly by adults who want their kid to excel at everything. I have been a teacher and many, many children, are scheduled for every second of their day with little or no down time.

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