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In-laws!

Posted: May 1, 2013

Just wanted some opinions. All holidays and such are spent with MY side of the family, not hubby's, because his side of the family uses ANY occasion as a let's get drunk and party theme, and I didn't want my kids growing up associating Christmas with a keg party. Hubby's mother doesn't drink, but the rest of the family does, but with MIL, she is such a GOSSIP, so get togethers are spent with the family getting drunk, talking about each other, usually isolating a couple of family members and not even inviting them, for reasons nobody even knows, then gossiping about the whole event for weeks to come. We don't go to ANY events, but we do go and visit her one-on-one, plenty. Even with the personal visits to her, I have to sit there and hear what this person did and what this person did and NONSTOP chatter about my husband's ex-wife, even though husband and I have been married 17 years now!!

Well, bad news, MIL just got diagnosed with metastatic cancer, so the family are basically having weekly get-togethers and I just don't want to go and hubby doesn't want to go either, but he feels bad and I kind of feel bad about it as well. I feel that we should continue the one-on-one visits with her, because getting involved in the middle of that "circus" will just cause more drama and turmoil, when everyone should be focusing on her treatment and hopeful recovery, not on arguing and nonsense. Hubby isn't even on speaking terms with his brother, which all stemmed from a past argument with him that was initiated by MIL's gossiping ways.

Do you think we are wrong or "look bad" for not fully participating in family functions or even though she has cancer, is it still okay to remove ourself from that situation?

Thanks for reading.

;

Wow - me

[ In Reply To ..]
This sounds like my husband's family, I keep threatening to write a book! We just buried my FIL and I haven't seen my MIL in over 3 years (she is actually my husband's stepmother) - same stuff - MIL and her daughters are conniving, meddlers....To make this short, I feel your pain. But, I'm with you, if you have to visit, do the one on one. No sense in adding more drama to the situation. For me, now that my FIL is buried, I have no reason to see the MIL for any reason, or any of her kids. Good luck.

I think you're doing the right thing. - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
One-on-one visits sound like the sanest thing for everyone involved. You are still a part of your MIL's life, but without exposing your children to the rest of the family's belligerence. The fact that you and your husband are on the same page is also very reassuring.

all the drama and gossip throughout the years - is probably how she got the cancer

[ In Reply To ..]
Hate has a way of coming out of the body as an illness most times, so would not be surprised. She could live for years yet even with the cancer, so still do the one on one, and keep yourself as far away from the insanity as possible. best of luck to you! Families are not all they are cracked up to be, for sure!

Sounds like a couple of family's I know of. - and my MIL...sm

[ In Reply To ..]
My MIL is a gossip too and my husband's family has lots of gatherings for all sorts of reasons and events, sometimes just to get together, play cards and cook - Not necessarily special occasions.

I dont like going to their gatherings either for the same reasons you describe in your post, except not only is it my husband's mother, but one of his sisters as well. His mom and youngest sister are like two peas in a pod, gossiping, back-biting and getting in other people's business and the gatherings are usually at his mother's or that particular sister's house.

If I were in your shoes, I would stick with the one-on-one visits, maybe call and check on her regularly and see if she needs anything, but if that family is anything like *my* husband's family (sounds like they are), I would'nt participate either.

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