A community of 30,000 US Transcriptionist serving Medical Transcription Industry
We go to my daughter' house for Christmas every other year, and they come here every other year. I have 2 grandchildren. My daughters' mother-in-law comes to my daughter's house every other year, and goes to other family the next year when they come to my house. This mother-in-law does not come to my house because she "does not feel comfortable" here. No other reason given. My daughter tells me it is because she is very competitive and has other issues of her own. She is quite rude to me when I go for Thanksgiving or the childrens' birthdays, but I ignore it. Daughter and husband insist to her that they WILL come to my house every other year with or without her. They do so without her.
Now, my daughter tells me that her mother-in-law is telling her son (my daughter's husband) that she would prefer that my husband and I not be at the kids' house on the years that she comes. He told her that was not going to happen, but asked her why. Again, she is not "comfortable" around us, but one thing she did bring up was that they have 18 grandchildren. She really only has 3, and the rest are step-grandchildren. She has 2 sons. They spend $50 per grandchild and do not buy their children anything at all for Christmas.
We have 2 daughters and only these 2 grandchildren right now. I spend about $200 per person at Christmas on my immediate family, daughter and son-in-law, other daughter, and the 2 grandchildren. Before their marriage and the grandchildren, i spent $300 on my daughters. I know it is excessive, but I have it to give and they are always so generous to me all year, Christmas, Mother's Day, Birthday, etc.
Anyway, this makes the mother-in-law feel bad and she does not want us there during "her time" with the children. Her son asked her if she would prefer that we gave the children their gifts at another time. She said no, and it was not because she would still know how much I gave to them, the problem is the kids know how much I give to them compared to how much she gives to them. This is their rule and their financial arrangement. Does this obligate me not to give so much to my children or grandchildren - because she says so? I certainly do not feel obligated to stay home because she is going to be there. She stays for almost a week, and I visit for the day. They have told her that we are invited and they are invited and they can not ask one set of parents to stay away, which I would never expect them to do. She understands this I guess, but is insisting that I not spend so much on them even if she does not actually see it.
How would you handle this?
;