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Happy birthday to someone deceased- I just

Posted: Jan 19, 2010

Reading the obit column this morning from my home town. There was a lady who was killed about a month or so ago. She must have been well loved because so many have posted about her. This morning I am reading again and she is wished a "Happy Birthday." i see this time and time again in the papers and wondering, how do you have a happy birthday when deceased? I think writing something in rememberence about the person a much better way than wishing them a happy.

;

happy b-day - is ok with me

[ In Reply To ..]
I don't see anything wrong with it. We had a huge b-day cake for my grandpa- in-law. He was buried on what would have been his b-day. I'm sure he was having some b-day in heaven:) He was always joking around and would have rather had us celebrating that instead of crying.

You have to remember they are still in the grieving process - As it has only been 1 month

[ In Reply To ..]
They are probably still coming to grips with that fact that she has died, being so recent and all. As time goes on, probably will be more in the form of a memorial. In the scheme of things really, why is that such a bad thing, whether birthday or in remembrance?

I see Happy Birthday notices to people who have - do not get this

[ In Reply To ..]
been dead for years, not just a month, not 6 months but years. Do you still think that is ok? If a deceased person has a birthday, does that mean they age another year?

People really do it for themselves. Not a bad thing. - Fingers

[ In Reply To ..]
And not really strange at all.

Get this. My daughter and my father were very very close. She was 7 when he died. Every year until she was about 16, on his birthday she would make him a birthday card and before she went to bed she would pin it to the poster on her bed. I never discouraged it because it was something that she needed to do because she missed her Grandpa so much and I respected her feelings about it. She does not do it anymore but every year on August 3 she calls me to tell me she wished Grandpa a Happy Birthday.

People do what they have to do to grieve, express their feelings, and respect their loved ones who are gone. It's not really that strange.

No, to some it is the thoughtfulness, love, and faith that counts..sm - Cyndiee

[ In Reply To ..]
Hi! Now this is just me, but I have lost my big brother early to cancer, and just lost my father last year. I have a big fammily and many loved ones in Heaven. but to my family, we believe that the deceased "live on" in another form, a spiritual form, and that we are all still connected. I do not think of my brother or father as lying in a cold graveyard, I think of them looking down from Heaven, living with Jesus, and I tell them Happy Birthday, I celebrate their lives because I love them and they are beautiful, I tell them Merry Christmas or what not, and after prayers I always talk to them. I am suprised this is even an issue for anyone. Death of a loved one is unbearably hard and we all grieve and feel and believe differently. I would rather spend my time celebrating a life, remembering all the wonderful things about that person and their lives, then sending a grim, proper "memorial" which seems very cold to me. But that is just me!

A birthday is not necessarily about aging another year. sm - RoadRunnerMT

[ In Reply To ..]
Celebrating a birthday is just that. You are celebrating "their birth"! Kinda like on Christmas, we celebrate Jesus' birth. I don't usually do things like you mentioned, however, my sister would be coming up on her 40th birthday, deceased when she was 21, and now with all the networking I am in contact with a lot of her old classmates, etc. and I am seriously considering throwing a celebration party in her honor for her 40th birthday coming up. I would love for her adult daughter to meet her former friends. Everyone I have mentioned this to has said they thought it was an awesome idea. Maybe I'm crazy but I still believe in celebrating or at least thinking about their birth.

I still take - travelinMT

[ In Reply To ..]
Flowers and to my parents at the cemetary on their birthdays. I always pick out a card that says I lucky I was to have them for parents and I sign it with love. I don't feel it is wierd or strange...I feel it is honoring/remembering them on the day they were born, without that day I would not be here today.

That is completely different. - Do not get this

[ In Reply To ..]
I also show rememberence at relative's graves. That is not what I am talking about. I am talking about wishing a deceased person a Happy Birthday in the papers, etc. I had a brother who died at an early age. Each year on his birthday my mother would send in to the paper a rememberence of him, not wishing a Happy Birthday. I take flowers at every change of season and leave at 3 different sites but do not celebrate b'days now, just remember on those particular days.

DEACEASED BIRTHDAY - EagleEye

[ In Reply To ..]
To each his own. It's a way for some people to remember their loved ones. If that makes them happy or lessens their grief/loss what difference does it make? They aren't hurting anyone by doing it. I guess I can relate somewhat because I lost my mom 6-1/2 years ago to cancer. I have never posted a "Happy Birthday" for her since her passing. I did put a birthday balloon on her grave one year and have done other things in memoriam, still I can empathize with those who wish to publish something like this. I have even seen window stickers on peoples' vehicles "In loving memory of....."

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