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Purina Diet

Posted: Oct 17, 2012

So I'm at Wal-Mart buying a bag of Purina dog food for my dog. While in the check-out line, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Why else would I be buying dog food, RIGHT??? So on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again, and that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and all you do is load your pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's butt and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Better watch what you ask me and be prepared for my answer. I have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

;

ROFL - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
You really should think of doing stand-up! THAT was great!

Oh MY!! - Alice

[ In Reply To ..]
I agree with the previous poster. You really have missed your calling if you aren't already doing standup!!

I'm curious, though. Did that woman actually believe you when you told her that you had been eating the dog food?

She reminds me of at least one dog food company that sells via direct marketing. They claim that roadkill, as well as euthanized animals, are collected or purchased for the purpose of including in commercial dog foods, along with a lot of other poisons and chemicals. Even though dogs are carnivores, very little real meat is included in commercial dog food and there is apparently no regulation for this, so this presents a real nutritional problem for dogs who are fed this food. So, I imagine she did think that the dog food would have poisoned you if you had eaten it.

I have heard that exact oke before a couple years back. - good try

[ In Reply To ..]
Plagiarism. Love it when people tell jokes and try to pass them off as their own. I laughed the first time I heard it a few years ago and it's still funny. :)

If she believed you that far... - Angie

[ In Reply To ..]
Did she finally realize she was the butt of the joke?? I mean, really...why else do you buy dog food?

Too funny. Great way to start hump day!
Thanks!

This is SO going on f/b! roflmao! - anon

[ In Reply To ..]
thank you for starting my day with a tremendous giggle! :-)

Purina diet - Anonymous

[ In Reply To ..]
You know, there are other reasons that people buy dog food. I don't have a dog but purchase dog and cat food and donate it to the local animal shelter. You could have been doing an errand for a friend or neighbor, although based on your answer and thinking that you were cute or funny I doubt that ever entered your mind. I don't think this is funny but I guess my sense of humor runs in different directions than jokes at the expense of others.

Annoymous - sm - Crying

[ In Reply To ..]
You really need to stop sucking on lemons long enough to smell the flowers.

One other reason to ask - JTMT

[ In Reply To ..]
This is the way that sales persons start up the conversation. It is obvious that you are buying dog food and likely that you have a dog (though you may not). It's just to get the conversation going so that they can then move on to tell you about their alternate product.

The same approach is used by those selling cosmetics or weight loss programs. They will come up and ask you if you use cosmetics or if you "know anyone" who is interested in skin care or weight loss. A frequent answer to this question, of course, is "Well yes, me." And then, the conversation goes on from there.

I would not be surprised if this woman with the dog food question is actually one who sells a type of dog food not sold in stores. And, I'll bet she purposely followed the original poster to the checkout line with the intention of pitching her product.

I think you missed the joke. - nm

[ In Reply To ..]
nm

Didn't miss it.... - Anonymous

[ In Reply To ..]
Just didn't think it was funny.

IT'S A JOKE! - loved it

[ In Reply To ..]
Come folks. It was a JOKE. That's why it's on the comedy board because it's FUNNY. Yes, I heard it before, but it's still funny because people are gullible (obviously), me included sometimes. Lighten up.

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