Need help to make decision - Needing help Posted: Aug 18th, 2018 - 9:33 am
Hi. I've never done this before, so please forgive me if I ramble. I need help to figure out what to do. I am not happy in my relationship. I have lived with SO for almost 9 months. In that time (and before when not living together), he will drink to the point of being an obnoxious a**hole to everyone, not just me, and people tell him this. When he is not drinking, he is okay. Still sometimes that way but it's manageable. He said he would stop drinking in April, and he did for 3 months. It was better for the most part, but he would still say things, little inuendos like blaming me for his not being able to drink or whatever. In July, he visited a friend and they went to a bar where he had 1 beer. Since then, it's gone downhill. He drank 4 (big) Rum and Cokes last Saturday and started being that way again. He has these grandiose ideas when he drinks, like wanting to do things that we can't possibly do anytime soon, and he argued with me about why can't we do that. I told him why, then he got in my face, and I said okay, I'm removing myself from this situation. I got my keys and left (it's 11:30 pm) for a while. I came back about 45 minutes later and he was at the bar. I went to bed. The next day, he said he was sorry, didn't mean to get that drunk, and evidently tried to start something at the bar with someone, being the a**hole that he can be. He said he would stop drinking (again). That's really not the only thing, though. He looks for hidden meanings in things that I say. I want to take a class (don't know what kind...sewing, knitting, something) to meet new people. Women...not men...that could be girlfriends or whatever or even to learn something new. He questions why I want to be gone and meet new people while he isn't working or going to school and is home so that we can spend time together. He tells me things that hurt me...like I am out of shape, my balance is terrible, I need to work on my leg muscles, I shouldn't eat ice cream or stuff at night before going to bed, I should put forth effort to take care of myself by exercising, etc. His ex is well over 200 lbs and didn't exercise, so he justifies saying these things because he cares about me and wants to make sure I live a long time. He has said these things to her before, and she always told him that he only cared about how she looked, etc. We argue or have heated discussions at least twice a week, most of the time more, and I'm exhausted walking on eggshells around him. I have to be mindful of what I say to not instigate an argument. I talked to him yesterday about the class thing, and he didn't understand why I wanted to meet new people. I don't know how to be happy with him. He is a very outgoing person, likes to do things with others and do adventurous things. I have no desire to be going somewhere every weekend, doing this and that, and I'm fine with being safe at home. I have tried to play board games with him, but I don't think he likes that. What would you do in my situation? Do you think think this is emotional abuse? He gets mad at me because I sometimes cannot explain what I mean on different things, so I have to resort to the internet to find what I mean, and I show him. He ridicules me for that, saying that I don't know how to communicate and, "What does the internet say about..." and that type of thing. Please...any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.
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