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I was there a long time ago - No More Stress

Posted: Aug 26th, 2018 - 12:51 pm In Reply to: Need help to make decision - Needing help

I've been there. I've been around alcoholics pretty much my entire life. I had them in my family growing up, I got into relationships with others, and had even more who I had to work for/with, etc. The most important thing you have to remember is that you CANNOT change an alcoholic.

You can beg, threaten, give ultimatums all you want. It won't matter. It doesn't mean that you're not necessarily important to them, but the booze will always be #1. I've seen people quit so it is possible, but not common. They have to really want to quit for themselves. Nobody else... not you, not their kids, not their job.... can ever change their outlook or their illness. They have to decide that they are done.

In the meantime, you have to look out for yourself. Make sure that you make yourself the priority just like you deserve to be. I understand you love him, and I know they can be two different people when they're drinking as opposed to when they're sober. The sober man you love is gone. You can't rely on him anymore. You have to look out for yourself and keep yourself healthy. My husband actually did stop drinking after I did that (though for an entirely different reason... his doc told him he had seven years left on his liver). He drank so heavily, I never expected he'd be able to stop. He actually did and we had over 20 very happy, loving years together. If your guy does stop, hopefully you'll get the man you love so much back. Just do not nag, complain, argue or anything else that is only going to put stress on YOU. Get yourself out where you can just live happy and stress-free and where you don't have to constantly walk on eggshells. Best of luck to you. I hope he wakes up and gets healthy and sober soon.

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