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I've been in this situation. There is a part of you that - Leave, now.

Posted: Aug 23rd, 2018 - 12:37 pm In Reply to: More info - Needing help

is hoping someone here will tell you it's not as bad as you think. Because you really don't want to leave. So, I'll tell you it's not as bad as you think. It's actually worse. At 9 months into the relationship, he is still on his best behavior actually. Contemplate that for a minute. THIS is his BEST behavior. After a while, after he REALLY has you isolated, it's going to get worse. He's already planted the seeds in your mind that it is your fault he drinks. How many times has he picked a fight so he can leave, and go to the bar? He knows why you're crying. It makes him feel guilty, and he doesn't want to feel guilty, so he tells you to stop. You aggravate him. It's YOUR fault he won't stop drinking. Etc., Etc., ad nauseam.

He is a controlling, abusive alcoholic. Nothing more, nothing less.

I agree with the poster who suggested you think about what you'd tell your daughter, or your best friend, and then DO IT!

I understand you don't want to leave. You have feelings for this man, you had dreams of what your relationship was going to be, and thinking about leaving hurts. There may be financial reasons you don't want to leave as well.

Consider this. Right now is the easiest it is going to be. It's not going to get easier later. Sure, HE may make it feel easier to leave because of his behavior, but then you'll have to deal with the anger at yourself because you didn't get out earlier, and that is harder.

I absolutely promise you this, if you leave, in probably less than 6 months, you won't believe that you ever had misgivings about leaving. You'll wonder why you put up with it for so long. Make the list, the list of his good qualities versus his bad qualities points. Refer to that when you're feeling weak.

Know this, also, alcoholics are experts at manipulation and reading people. Their very survival depends on it. So, he will wait until he knows you're lonely and feeling bad, maybe a couple of weeks after you leave, and then he'll find a way to run into you, or call you, or whatever, and he'll be so damn charming you'll question yourself again. Stay strong, and don't talk to him. Don't let him back in.

It's okay that you don't want to leave. I understand. But you need to leave anyway. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Sending hugs.

Lexi





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