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Mental Health

Posted: Jan 26, 2010

I just came back from a follow up appointment. I have been getting treatment for anxiety/depression and panic attacks. I would like to share my story because I read so many posts on this forum that sound like they could have been written by me. There are so many angry posts, ppl who sound like they just hate their jobs and their lives...

I had (have) been feeling horrible! tired all the time, can't sleep well, restless, can't focus on work, look horrible, don't want to get up and get dressed. Don't want to cook, don't want to clean... get the picture? I was consumed with emptiness. Husband started getting really worried, I didn't even want to go out to dinner with either him or friends anymore. Finally went to get some help and started taking medication and forcing myself out for walks. Getting counseling and lots of sunlight (yeah sunlight!). It's only been a couple of months, but I feel and am actually looking better.

I read in another post somewhere that someone's counselor told them that our job isolates us and that exacerbates/causes depressive symptoms. That is exactly what mine told me!

Social/human contact is essential for our mental health. I suffered for YEARS and it eeked over into everything. Even in emergency situations (someone hospitalized...) I felt like getting up and ready to go deal with that was overwhelming or I just wanted someone else to deal with it.

My point is, IF anyone is feeling these things, don't just assume that it's only because work and our job is cruddy. It could be depression/anxiety. I would urge ppl who are feeling angry all the time, worthless, hopeless and helpless, anxious or can't focus to talk to your doctor. It might be something you CAN get help for.

I feel so much better. I feel like I really am not alone anymore.

Take care!

;

thank you so much - for sharing

[ In Reply To ..]
best wishes to you. Your experience will definitely help others in the same situation.

You are definitely not alone - Vikefan

[ In Reply To ..]
I have anxiety/depression and panic attacks too. And I hate all 3 of them. I hate having them. I hate having to depend upon medication. I hate myself at times because I feel those conditions are just a weakness, but I know better, that there's a chemical imbalance in my brain. But to have to take a Klonopin tid to remain panic free, able to swallow food or liquids, not get light headed or feel disoriented or any of the other symptoms that go along with anxiety and panic makes me feel weak. I also take Cymbalta.

I am severely lacking in the sunlight dept. myself. Last summer, I spent 3 months on the couch (I walked the dogs 3 times a day as best I could, worked my 40 hours, bathed every other day, whenever I had enough strength, and spent the rest of the time on the couch). All because I let a UTI go untreated for 10 days, living off of OTC Pyridium, until I was peeing pure blood, had bladder and kidney stones, a kidney infection and I was septic. I had terrible violent shaking chills. I ended up with something like 8 or 9 medical conditions by the time it was all over. I'd get one thing, start to feel better and another illness would get me. I was septic because I had acquired a Staph infection, which was a different bacteria than what they found in my urine. What's amazing is that all 3 antibiotics I was given for my UTI were sensitive on culture. I guess it just must have been that bad.

It took 3 antibiotics just to clear up my UTI, the third one, Cipro, giving me a grand mal seizure because nobody was paying attention (the doc or pharmacist - I always check my meds if it's something I haven't taken before but I was just too sick to care) that it has a seizure precaution and though I generally don't have seizures, if I take a med that lowers the seizure threshold like Cipro, Levaquin, Ultram, etc., it's grand mal city and I'll tell you what - those tongue bites hurt like a son of a gun - pea sized lumps that don't go away for weeks. I ended up on 14 meds during those 3 months - 6 antibiotics, Darvocet for all the pain (I honestly did not get more than 3-5 good nights of sleep for those 3 months because of all the pain caused from the UTI, peeing every 30 minutes, then all the inflammation (pleurisy, costochondritis and pericarditis), the sepsis left behind after it ravaged my body.

I just could not sleep well at all because I was hurting so bad all the time from one thing or another, and you know how most docs are about giving out narcotics (can't take Ultram - seizure). So I was given a few Darvocet for severe bladder pain, the stones in the kidneys and bladder, the inflammation, etc.

I've been going to the guy for years and this is the first time I ever asked for anything for pain. He knows me and knows I'm not a drug seeker but still - just a few Darvocet regardless of my pain. Anyway, I was taking ibuprofen and Indocin for the inflammation. I had a shot of pred, then 2 tapering courses, the first one starting at 30 mg, the second starting at 60 mg. I thought my eyes were going to pop out of my head from that and it made me terribly jittery. Awful stuff at high doses. Then, the local yokel hospital inserted a contaminated IV after my doc sent me to the ER because he didn't know what else to do for me, and gave me round 2 of sepsis, I had to start taking aspirin because I had a clot in my left arm from the IV and boy, phlebitis with infection and blood clots hurt. My arm ached up to my shoulder. So I'm already on aspirin and ibuprofen but neither will bring my chronically elevated temperature down, so I'm taking Tylenol too (I refused liver function tests at that point). There were a couple more meds but I can't think of them right now.

Well, finally, I wake up one Sunday morning and BOOM! I feel good for the first time in so many months. I remember when I was so very ill, lying on my couch, not really wanting to die but not really caring if I did. I was that sick and probably should have been in the hospital once or twice.

Anyway, so I'm finally feeling better, it's summer time, my favorite time, it's sunny and warm out and I figured I'd catch up a little on 3 months' worth of house work. Went down the basement steps with a huge load of laundry, thought I was at the bottom but still had one more step to go. I came down hard on the side (the outside) of my right foot, twisted it so the plantar surface was facing the ceiling, then put all of my 120 lbs on it because I landed right smack on that foot.

Well, I refused to go back to that hospital because I didn't know if they'd kill me this time, and the next closest one is an hour away. And, of course, I hurt my driving foot. I hobbled around on a very ugly purple/black bruised foot with extensive edema, toes like sausages with no feeling in them because all the edema is choking off the nerves.

I went to see a foot doc a few days later, still in agony. Talar navicular fracture, tore the muscle away from the bone and damaged the ligaments and tendons extensively. I was in that stupid Cam boot for 4 months. Now I've got some atrophy of my right leg, the ankle still feels unstable (I broke it right where the top of the foot meets the ankle), and my back hurts from walking with uneven shoes (cam walker was higher than my sneakers). In the meantime, my rescue pug, whom I had had for about 5-6 years suddenly got sick and I had to have him put down. Then a tooth abscessed. About a month later, I ended up in the ER because I had searing pain across my lower abdomen that would not stop. I'm still getting minor bouts of it but it's not like it was that day I went to the ER.

At first, I kept a positive attitude, thinking that I'd already had 2 illnesses, I must be on the road to recovery when #3 would hit, then #4, #5, etc. I stopped calling people. I couldn't go anywhere because I had that cam walker on, and it was so wide it touched both the gas and the brakes. I became despondent, a hermit, and didn't even do the grocery shopping - that fell to Hubby. Not that it mattered. I didn't eat much for 3 months because I was so sick, I had no appetite and I was down to 106 pounds. I was so depressed by the end of the year, I thought about eating a bullet or taking an overdose. I just couldn't take it anymore. I started to feel a little like Job but I kept in contact with God daily.

Well, I've decided that not only is this a new year, it's a new decade and I'm forcing myself to go out of the house, wear makeup, bother to brush my hair, eat better, I'm looking for some night classes - cake decorating would be fun but this little hick down doesn't offer that much. I'm going to make the best out of life.

So again, you're not alone. I just went thru 5-6 months of sheer misery and you know what the easiest thing was to take out of all the illnesses I had? The root canal. Everything else I had was so bad that the root canal didn't even bother me.

My supervisor was getting mad (hey, if it hadn't happened to me, I wouldn't have believed it) and she even said I was starting to make up ridiculous excuses because my lines were suffering (they had closed PTO because they had too many people off, so I had no choice but to log in and work). After that uncalled for remark, I sent her an extensive E-mail with the names and phone numbers of all the doctors I saw along with the hospital phone number to verify the ER visits. Every single thing I went thru that I told her about was 100% true. Trust me - I do not like to exaggerate. I'm a strong believer in Karma and believe if you say something is wrong with you and it's not, you're gonna get it. I also keep leftover antibiotics, pain pills or whatever in the medicine cabinet until exactly a year later for fear if I throw them out, I'd end up needing them.

I hope you do well with your depression. Please keep us posted.

Take care, and God bless!

God bless you, Vikefan. You are - defnitely a survivor N/M

[ In Reply To ..]
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