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what do you think would be worse?

Posted: Nov 16, 2009

To be forced into giving up a child for adoption that you wanted to keep, or to be forced into keeping a child you didn't want?

(give it a little thought before you respond)

;

For me... - Old part-timer

[ In Reply To ..]
I think it would be definitely worse to give up a child you wanted to keep for adoption.

I would much rather keep a child I didn't want, since I don't think there is any way you wouldn't grow to love that child.

Plus, in the words of my great-grandmother, "Better ten on your lap than one on your conscience!"

Wise grandma you have there...nm - abs

[ In Reply To ..]
`

My thoughts - gourdpainter

[ In Reply To ..]
This is such a personal situation I really don't think anyone could answer for someone else. However, for me personally it would be much worse being forced to give up a child for adoption that I wanted to keep. From the standpoint of an unwanted child, I think that it would be much worse for the child to be kept by a parent who was forced to keep it. Anyone who could not love a litte baby that was part of them, I think would be so cold that expecting that they would grow to love the child is delusional. All one has to do is read the news to see what too often happens to unwanted and unloved children.

In a situation such as someone being forced to give a child up for adoption or keep it against their will, I really don't think there is a happy solution long term.

Agree with gp - why the hard choices?

[ In Reply To ..]
With birth control of all types readily available, I can't figure why anyone would have to be put in either delimma?

That's why contraception/abstinence is so important! - IMHO

[ In Reply To ..]
I have two grandchildren who have been abandoned by their father (my son)who was 19 when the first was born. My first question to them was "haven't you ever heard of birth control?" I don't understand, with contraception so widely available, how these accidental pregnancies keep happening! No child should be not wanted or planned for!

Those are sick-minded people - Old part-timer

[ In Reply To ..]
The ones you read about in the news are sick and twisted people who neglect and abuse children - certainly not the norm. I stick to my opinion that most NORMAL people would grow to love their child, regardless of their ambivalence about keeping them in the first place.

I agree but - gourdpainter

[ In Reply To ..]
are those people born "sick and twisted" or do they become sick and twisted because they are trying to fill a position that NO child is prepared to fill...that of being a responsible parent. As I mentioned about my other granddaughter and the computerized doll, how frustrated she became. She said she was tempted to put it outside and take a failing grade in the class. She is far from being sick and/or twisted and that was just a DOLL.

Hardly the same - Old part-timer

[ In Reply To ..]
Your granddaughter is a child and the doll was simply a DOLL. I'm not saying that no one should be able to put an unwanted child up for adoption. I think those who realize they are too immature or unable to provide for whatever reason are to be admired for their honesty and maturity. The infants they give for adoption are loved and cherished by people who want them very badly. More unfortunate are those that start out thinking they want a child only to decide when the kid is older that they made a mistake.

However, the original post was between which was worse and I think being forced to give up a child you love would be worse.

Exactly - gourdpainter

[ In Reply To ..]
I agree that being forced to give up a child for adoption would be worse. That is from my point of view as an adult. I would not, however, ever consider forcing anyone into either of the alternatives. As for my granddaughter, I shall pray and do whatever I can to support her in her decision. SHE has made the decision though and it is her responsibility to become an adult now when she should be enjoying her teen years.

I did not realize the situation with your granddaughter - Old part-timer

[ In Reply To ..]
It certainly will force her to grow up in a hurry, but many have done it (and done it well). All you can do is support her and encourage her to lean on God through what will be some trying times (along with some of the happiest of times). I will remember you both in my prayers.

Thanks old part-timer - gourdpainter

[ In Reply To ..]
I appreciate your prayers. I am just so sad. Life will be hard. This girl is so intelligent, a straight A student until she met this boy. She just went crazy. He is already seeing his old girlfriend while my granddaughter was staying at the hospital with the baby the past several weeks. She wanted to keep the baby but I don't think she yet realizes what a rough row it's going to be to hoe, especially as it is a very sick much.

Question for GP - Old part-timer

[ In Reply To ..]
I am curious - what did your granddaughter do? Put the doll outside and take the failing grade?

I sincerely doubt that is what she did. I'm willing to bet she coped with it and did her best. That's because she isn't sick and twisted. Parenting is full of frustrations but normal people deal with them.

What GD did - gourdpainter

[ In Reply To ..]
No, she did what she should have done and did her best to do what she was suppose to do and got a high mark. The thing is, that was one weekend and as you said, a DOLL. I agree there are many sick and twisted individuals in this world but sometimes I think it is possible to just "snap." As you obviously know parenting is the hardest job on earth and regardless of how hard you do your best there are always in retrospect you realize you could have done better.

I should also add... - Old part-timer

[ In Reply To ..]
The sickos who neglect and abuse their children kept them because they WANTED to, not because they were forced to.

Unfortunately that is probably true - gourdpainter

[ In Reply To ..]
or they just didn't think beyond the moment.

from child's view: being kept when not wanted. - nm

[ In Reply To ..]
nm

The 1st is forever; the 2nd is only for 18 years. - So I would say #1 is worse. NM

[ In Reply To ..]
NM

Keeping a child you didn't want - see message - jm

[ In Reply To ..]
If you have to give up a child for adoption that child would be going to a good home. People who love him/her and depending on the situation you might be able to visit him/her and be in contact.

Forced to keep a child you don't want is just a horrible situation. You would never love the child and that would make your life, and his/hers miserable. It doesn't just end at 18 years old. You never know the outcomes. You don't know what the child might or might not do while in custody. Here's my example...my sister adopted a boy. He is the most horrible kid I have ever met. He's selfish, won't listen to his parents, he's devious, lies to them, steals money from my sisters wallet when she is asleep, he won't help them do anything around the house (clean his room or anything), and does whatever he wants (he's 20 years old, no job and lives at home with them). They are constantly fighting with him, etc. They of course love him and to them what they are going through with him they don't think anything of it, and my sister told me once she hopes he never leaves home. He doesn't want to anyway. So I always think if I had that kid my life would be miserable. I would hate that kid for ruining my life. Luckily I live across country from them and only see him when I go back, but am always happy to get home and not be around him. Anyway...years and years ago I told my sister when he started pulling all this crap on them to not put me down as a guardian if anything happens to her or her husband. I told her we are not good with kids (we have none of our own), and with his attitude and way of life he'd be shipped off to the local shelter. I told her I would not put up with half the stuff she and her husband do. She understands totally and doesn't blame me. She said they like this life, but they also know that not everyone would. Also, if you had a child you didn't want how do you think you would treat that child. Anyway...that is why I believe it would be worse to have to keep a child you didn't want.

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