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So glad **** I can talk about things like this, but....
Posted: Jun 12, 2011
I was talking to a young lady today and she started telling me about some things she has been going through for the last couple of weeks. She's been having thoughts of harming her husband, dreams about it, also, and she wonders why.....read below!
(1). Her husband is a sex addict, and refuses to get help! He tells her, he goes and "visits" the prostitutes, just to see how they are doing. Really? I don't know of any prostitutes who "visit". If they do, you better have some money, if not, get out of their face! He is on medication for his addiction, but that's all. No therapy, no meetings, nothing.
(2). They live with his parents!
(3). He has no desire to move out of his parents home. He plans to stay there until they die!
(4). He doesn't balance his own checkbook.....guess who does it for him????? His MOTHER!!!!
(5). She is "thinking" about leaving him, but doesn't want to traumatize her 6-month-old baby. Really? Like the baby will even remember him when they leave! And to say she thinks its okay to stay in this crazy relationship because of the baby (mind you they argue all the time) is healthy????
OMG....this kid can't be more than 25 at best. I am in my 40's and wanted to choke the you-know-what of her and slap some sense into her! And she wonders why she wants to harm him. Really? Can I help? Have you ever talked to someone who is going through just an utterly ridiculous situation, and with big doe eyes they say, well, I can't leave.....And you just want to slap them???? I still can't believe she thinks this is a "healthy" situation for her baby!!!! OMG..... Oh well, couldn't have said all this ****. My friends would know who I was talking about.
Just completely flabbergasted and astonished by it all. Thank God I have sense!
;
to anon - right with ya
[ In Reply To ..]I really hate stupid people.
She must think she and her child deserve that kind of abuse. I personally don't think she has the right to treat the mother of her child so badly! She is supposed to be a role model.
Honestly, I would have posted it on facebook because that kid deserves a voice, and obviously she is not going to help that child have a normal life without a BIG ol' fashioned slap in the face!
Traumatized - sounds to me
[ In Reply To ..]This girl is only 25 and is probably in over her head with how she would support herself and her baby alone. Does she have any family that would help her out? Right now she is overwhelmed with emotions, guilt and and fear. She imagines herself as being responsible for her child not having a father, but she is not seeing the bigger picture of the role model he will be for that child.
Harming. - Charming.
[ In Reply To ..]When a woman chooses to devote time to contemplate "harming" her husband rather than formulating plans to leave an unhealthy domestic situation...that's an enabling, co-dependent mindset very concerning--possibly, a mindset of disempowerment that was witnessed and learned.
harming... - jw
[ In Reply To ..]She definitely needs to leave as we all know. My ex and I split when my son was 2. He is 20 now. He has actually said now that maybe I should have kept him away from his father's lifestyle more. His dad is an alcoholic and constant pot smoker. My son is not. Not because I policed him constantly, but because he has seen what has happened to his father. Dad lives in grandma's garage and hasn't worked in six years -a 45 year old man. The baby will be fine growing up. She may not be. The social diseases he will bring home to her as terrifying. Any man whose mother takes care of him this much won't change. My ex's mother pays his car insurance, child support, etc. She needs to get out, get supervised visitation (like mine - at her discretion) and get child support. It should be suggested to her that she get counseling. She is staying because she has a problem as well. The single mother guilt thing is tough, but not near as tough as it will be if her child turns out like his father when he gets older. I hope she finds a support group and some counseling. I am sure there is some emotional abuse going on here and not just teh sex addiction thing. She should check with a local battered woman's shelter or support group. Groups can supply a lot strength for someone who feels like she is all alone. Here's hoping...
Been in her shoes - Been there
[ In Reply To ..]I have had the unfortunate experience to have lived in her shoes. I grew up being sexually abused by my step father and when I was a junior in high school my step father got turned in by one of my friends. The abuse started when I was very young...1st or 2nd grade and continued until he got reported. At the time he was reported I was dating a guy who I ended up marrying years later. After we married and I got pregnant he began to get extremely sexually twisted and actually came home from the bar one night when I was pregnant with our child and raped me while I lay there crying begging him to stop. I thought I miscarried that night because I lost a lot of blood and I left him the next day. I didn't miscarry and after my being gone several months and beginnig counseling I agreed to take him back. The counseling worked for a while at first, long enough for me to conceive our second child, and the same old patterns began again. By this time I had one of his children and was pregnant with the second and refused to live with my parents because of what my stepfather had done to me. To make a long story short, I ended up having 4 children with this man who lived in his mother's farm house and his mother eventually moved back to her farm house while we were married and she "ran the show" and he continued his running around and sexual twistedness. I eventually got the courage to leave and after I did my ex told me that he actually thought that I enjoyed being abused by my stepfather and so he was doing what he could to be like that to me. When I left my ex, his mother told him to fight for custody of my children or she would and I have had the biggest battle of my life fighting this family. He owed his mother money from even before we married that he borrowed to farm and somehow she totaled up he owed her almost $250,000. Needless to say I got very little in the divorce settlement and I only get $200 a month child support. He still lives with his "mama" while I met a very wonderful man who wanted to marry me until my ex sent the sheriff to his house to do a wellness check on my girls because I told them "no" when it was my weekend to have them and my dad was coming from 500 miles away to see us. My fiance was less than pleased that the sheriff came and one of my older sons (17 years old at the time) happened to hear my fiance call my ex a "dick" which immediately prompted my ex to run to the courthouse to file a protection order against my fiance. Needless to say, I no longer live with my fiance and get to pay $700 a month rent, pay all of the utilities, buy all of the groceries, etc and only receive $200 a month garnished child support from my ex. He still owes me over $5000 unpaid daycare, medical, dental bills and I was actually even sued for a tractor that he had bought when we were married that he sold and didnt pay the debt after he sold it. I should write a book as I could go on and on about the $h.t I have been through. Maybe someday.....
She is just as crappy a role model - as he is
[ In Reply To ..]She is as much a loser as the husband. If she leaves him or kills him or whatever, she will just go and find another exactly like him. It's what she wants... what she needs.
That baby is doomed. It will grow up to be another one of "them."
Anonymous - jw
[ In Reply To ..]Please stick to things you know something about. You have obviously never been in her position.
I dont need to be in her position - to know her kind
[ In Reply To ..]She is a pathetic waste of human form, raised by same, married to same, and raising same.
Thank god for West Virginia.
her kind - anon
[ In Reply To ..]And what KIND are you...
A superior kind - Duh
[ In Reply To ..]And you?
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