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Regarding your son's visit....

Posted: Jul 12, 2010

You are a whole lot luckier than me and my husband. You got 3-4 hours. I would love even that much. Our DIL sounds so much like yours, only much, much WORSE. Our son is riding in the same boat as your son. I don\'t know how old your son is but ours is 35 and has 10, 7 and 2-1/2 year old children. I thought I was alone in my agony but apparently not. I\'m so sorry for you. I know that feeling many times over. It won\'t get any better. Our son has been married for 11 years and regardless of whether you say anything and fight with all your might or whether you give in and lick the dirt from her shoes, you will lose, especially with children involved. They are the weapons of choice. If your son is like mine, he won\'t want to be a weekend dad and he will stab you in the back even if he wishes not to. It is a requirement when married to these types. Learn to live with it and prepare yourself for major heartache. Our son lives about 7 miles away and they never come to see us. We have to go over there and then put up with nastiness from her. I really, really feel for you as I know what you\'re going through.

;

Thanks Grammy - sm...OP

[ In Reply To ..]
I appreciate your reply, even though my post was deleted. I did have my say with my son yesterday, I had to or else I would have burst. My son and I have a unique relationship apparently...he's 23, married for almost 2 years, and has an 11 month old beautiful little girl. He married his wife after only a few months of dating, in my opinion only because he was going into the Air Force and didn't want to go alone. I pray that he isn't one of those who will turn on his family because of his wife. I'm still holding out hope for her that she'll come around and learn that we aren't here to hurt her, but to welcome her into our family and love her like a daughter. She's very defensive and has walls up, so hopefully with time and love, she'll come around. They are leaving today, which I'm very, very sad about. I don't even feel like they've been here, and don't feel as if I know my granddaughter any better than I did 2 weeks ago. I'm sad, angry, and hurt but I'm a big girl and guess I'll get over it!

Son's visit - Grammy

[ In Reply To ..]
I do hope for you and your family's sake that your DIL will come around. Ours never has and probably never will. She is a very possessive and controlling person who won't even allow our son to bring the kids over. She threatened divorce 10 years ago when the oldest (a boy who is a gem) was only 6 months old. The other 2 are beautiful girls. We have been through hell and back. As with you, we have always been a close family. This son is our baby and we were always very close. I believe we still are and he is tortured just as much as we are but doesn't know what to do. She makes threats and she makes his life very miserable if he doesn't comply with her wishes. He has told us many times, if he didn't have the kids, he would be long gone. Only her parents are allowed to babysit and they only spend time with her parents and do things with her parents/family. Our son is made to choose between his 3 kids or us. To me, this is not love and it certainly doesn't make a marriage. We see our son and the kids at ball games our grandson is involved in. In other words, events that are open to the community. Sometimes they just get worse and I pray this is not your fate. We are no longer even invited to the birthday parties. We have a hard time understanding why our son puts up with this kind of thing because I know that neither I or my husband would allow this sort of thing to go on with our parents but I know how bad our son wants to keep his family together, at least for the kid's sakes. We (mostly me) have fought for many years to try to obtain what we believe we deserve...that being time with our son and his children...but to no avail. Even when we give in to her demands, she piles on more and more and she has treated us so badly while we continue to respect her simply because she's our son's wife and the mother of our grandchildren. I pray your situation turns out different than ours because I could fill a swimming pool with the tears I've cried. I've been sad, angry and hurt for more than 10 years and I'm still not over it. Good luck to you in whatever decision you make. It won't be an easy one. :)

Sad - sm...OP

[ In Reply To ..]
How can people be so cruel? I hate that for you and will remember your family in my prayers!

Thank you so much....I appreciate your thoughtfulness...nm - Grammy

[ In Reply To ..]
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