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Need advice from parents with children riding crotch rockets

Posted: Nov 6, 2011

My son told and showed my hubby and myself last night that he had bought a motorcycle, crotch rocket no less. I was devastated and cried so hard my eyes hurt. You see my nephew was killed 2-1/2 years ago on a big Harley when a bucket tree truck took a sudden turn in front of him and he died instantly. My sister and the whole family have been devastated by this. It literally caused my sister to have to file for disability because of the mental anguish over this nightmare. When I saw that bike last night, I just lost it and cried and cried. All I could think about was Kris all over again. I cannot believe my son would put his dad and I through this. He is our only son, but also almost 24 years old. He has this OCD problem of buying truck, Bobcat 4-wheeler, a Bobcat for construction and had a 4-wheeler until he sold it which he only had 37 hours on it. I know I cannot tell him what to do but you as parents how does one learn to deal with a situation like this? He is a good kid, no smoking, does not drink, but has this obsession to have all these "toys." My grandfather was also killed when a motorcycle hit him. I am such a worrier and the fear of something happening or the police knocking on the door is almost too much to bear. My sister thought her son was downstairs in bed. It was just horrible and to beat it all the many only had to spend a couple of days in jail, but lost his job and home after this company let him go.

I am having a real hard time with my son having this crotch rocket. Why could have not bought a regular bike. He does not even know how to drive one. I also have my daughter living with me again after going through a nasty violent divorce and the constant battle from her ex about everyday. Lost my job as MT from hospital 3 years ago to outsource company and now that company has lost that contract to another MT outsource company, so I decided to draw unemployment, also having foot surgery tomorrow with cast on for 3 weeks. My nerves, what are left, are shot. Son told me he was going to ride when it is cold, but guys are guys. I wish I could just escape to another place. His wants and needs are definitely screwed up. Then my sister went and bought a Ridley motorcycle a few weeks ago and is riding and they gave my nephew's motorcycle to her other son. To make things worse, he was riding on his Dad's big Harley when accident happened. Mom died from leukemia last year, then my 2 favorite brother and sister cats died. This definitely has been a rough year or so for me. Any advice would be greatly helpful on how to cope with child having a motorcycle. I was praying he would never buy one, but reality set in last night. I cried myself to sleep.

;

I'd be heartsick too - Trampled underfoot

[ In Reply To ..]
Unfortunately, there is little you can do except to remind him of safety precautions, like the fact that cars won't necessarily see him and the dangers of riding on wet roads, etc. Then at that point, you have to place him in the hands of God and pray that God will watch over him.

let me tell you a story ... sm - chicklet

[ In Reply To ..]
Years ago my retired parents lived in central Florida. My dad, always looking for something new, loving "TOYS" came home with a motorcycle. My mom, a person not liking change, was horrified and PRAYED diligently for God to INTERVENE. She was terrified dad would get killed on I-95 down there (speeding cars, unsafe orange trucks, etc.).

So, dad takes a motorcyle safety course since it had been YEARS since he had ridden a motorcycle. Day ONE at safety class (using scooters), he takes a spill going around a cone and SHATTERS his ankle. Ended up in hospital with surgery to rebuild his ankle. So, guess what?... yup, brandnew motorcycle sold back to dealer immediately and END of his big adventure.

Now many would say pish posh ... but my mother SWEARS this was her answer to PRAYER. She couldn't have convinced him not to ride that thing but that spill at the safety course scared my dad enough to forget about riding (and no resentment towards my mom).

So this is long and I guess just sharing because I believe if you give this to GOD, and PRAY (it works!!), somehow, someway HE will help you and give you some peace while this situation plays out. Meanwhile, I am so sad for ALL you are going through and even if it's not "your thing," I will be PRAYING for you and EVERYTHING you are dealing with right now ... You can count on it !!

Son with crotch rocket - CINDY

[ In Reply To ..]
Oh. I feel so bad for you. Not just about the crotch rocket but everything else you are going through. I also have a 23 year old son. I am also the same way you are about motorcycles, scooters, etc. My brother's friend died almost exactly the same way with some kind of big truck on a motorcycle like 20 years ago. Very sad.

My son bought a scooter about 3 years ago, one day he just showed up with it, I was livid and worried also. Well he took a ride on it across the coast from east side of Florida to the west, a few hours drive each way. This was the first week he had it, maybe first day, I can't remember. Well turns out he went down on the scooter because it was raining, he got a scratched up and I think he broke his glasses, but thank God he was okay. Well between the laws here in Florida you need to take a course to drive it, need to get a license that expensive and have to wear certain kind of gloves, pants, etc. So after my complaining and his getting hurt he gave up his intent on riding the scooter. My husband took it over and rides it, but he is very safe and not like these kids that want to go really fast. All I can say is if you are really worried about it, as I was do anything you can to get him not to ride it. Flatten the tires by letting the air out. Hide it and say its stolen. I only have one son and one daughter and I am the same way. Pull the hose that goes to the gas tank out so it won't start. Disconnect the battery. I know some people might think how terrible to say things like that, but if it saves his life its worth it. My son was doing things like trying drugs and driving his friends around, actually it was crack. I flattened his tire, but letting the air out, and whenever he went out and I knew he was out with the crack guys I would call their number and ask for my son. My brother died from crack by getting shot from the dealer, so this was not an option to have my son on crack it was a total war between me and the crack dealer. It worked, I took the keys away from him and wouldn't let him drive and called every number on his phone whenever he was out with them. He stopped doing it, stopped hanging out with them and I couldn't be happier. He doesn't seem to be missing it either. Anyway to summarize, you only have one son and unless he is really hell bent on driving that rocket, the more problems he has with it the more he will get discouraged with it. That's my only suggestion. Just do whatever you can to get him away from it. Good luck. Pray a lot also.

Motorcycle - MT

[ In Reply To ..]
I have to throw my 2 cents in here because you are obviously miserable. I doubt that what I'm going to say is going to make a bit of difference, but I'm going to anyway. I have had so many experiences in my life that really, truly have led me to believe that when it is your time, it is your time, and that nothing you do can intervene with that fate. I know most people say well of course you can prevent it, but no you really can't. I honestly believe that every person has their day marked and regardless of what they are doing, it is going to happen. Hundreds of thousands of people ride motorcycles and not everyone gets hurt or dies on them...if that was the case, the government would be trying to outlaw them like they have many other things that can cause death, such as smoking, certain types of medications, etc. My husband has ridden a motorcycle since he was 16 years old and is now 36 and has never once been in an accident with his motorcycle, even when having been drinking as a young man. Yet, he had a heart attack at the age of 26 and would never have lived unless the day's events wouldn't have played out the way they did, thus one reason my believing in fate. My 2-year-old came close to being runover by a speeding car in a parking lot on my birthday no less, but something made him stop just short of being hit, my mom would have died from an aneurysm if I hadn't happened to be on the phone with her for the 2-minute window that it happened to burst while we were having a conversation. What are the odds that I would be on the phone with her the minute it burst? I know you feel that because you had a family member die on a motorcycle that it is going to happen again, but that is yet to be determined. If he is meant to die young, he is going to die by some means, even if it isn't his motorcycle. Unfortunately, we are all going to die some time and that is just a fact of life that you have to learn to deal with and accept. All I can recommend to you is just pray every night that he is kept safe and to be looked after and that's really all you can do. Infants die for no reason, toddlers and schoolagers get cancer or other diseases and die, and life just isn't fair, but as I said, I believe our date is predetermined the minute we are born....if it wasn't, why else would some of these lives be so short? There is a reason behind everything and hopefully you can find some comfort in believing that to your fullest.

motorcycles - anon

[ In Reply To ..]
I am afraid the post previous to this said pretty much what I was thinking also. I have four brothers, ALL had motorcycles, ALL ended up in the hospital from motorcycle-related injuries. However, one of my brothers died of renal cell carcinoma. My niece, who neveer owned a motorcycle, was raped and murdered.

There has been a lot of controversy where I live about helmet laws. While it was being debated in our state, one state rep who was against the law actually brought the stats from emergency rooms in the state, and it turns out that more people died due to head trauma while in automobiles than died of head trauma osustained in a motorcycle wreck. You don't know what will happen, every life is different.

While I don't want to say there is nothing to worry about, I do know, from being a mom, that if you "go mental" about this, your words and anxiety will soon become old, and he will stop hearing you. All you can do is accept this.

That being said, it would probably make you feel better to have your say in a calm rational way, and let him chew on that for a while. Two things: If he's in his early 20s, his insurance will be extremely high. Don't pay for it for him. The other thing? Don't go "mom crazy" on him, but sit him down and make him PROMISE that if he is injured in an accident and has brain trauma to the point of brain death, that he will agree to sign up to be an organ donor. Insist that it be on his licence. Let him think about that, too.

This is all you can do, and if you do the two things above, if something DOES happen, you will have a small consolation that you did all you could.

motorcycle - I have a motorcycle

[ In Reply To ..]
Unfortunately, the motorcycle insurance won't be that expensive. Depending on what he rides they are fairly cheap.

It is dangerous to ride motorcycles, and I so understand you. I have a motorcycle, and I love it, but when my husband wanted to buy a MC for my 19-year-old son, I got very upset and prevented it.

However, since your son has already this motorcycle ask him to take a safety course. He needs to learn how to handle a bike. This will make a big difference!!!! There are certain situation where you have to know what to do, and he will learn that in the course.

brother run over by 18-wheeler at age 16 - it happens

[ In Reply To ..]
and survived only to die (gladly) at age 44 of lung cancer. At the time of his accident, there was no such thing as safety courses or a specific license for motorcycles, but it drastically changed the course of his life and lead to later decisions regarding his longevity. The thing that should have killed him didn't. The thing he knew he had and took no voluntary action to treat, did.

You can hope to influence. You can control no one. Good luck to you and yours.

I knew a fine 25-year-old young man who was killed - the same way your nephew was. sm

[ In Reply To ..]
It took me a long time to get over the shock. He, too, was riding one of those crotch-rockets (aka: DONORcycles). Those things go like 185 mph stock, right out of the box. Why anyone feels they need something like that, since speed limits around here are 65 mph or less, is beyond me. He was going through a canyon, was leading his group of friends to a Christian music meeting where he was scheduled to perform, and someone in a pickup pulled out of a driveway and across the road on a sharp, blind curve. No one's fault, other than he was going too fast for a winding mountain road.

Maybe you could encourage him to take one of those top-level motorcycle-rider classes. Also, some defensive-driving or high-performance driving (regular car) classes might be valuable, too. If nothing else, he might learn how easy it is for a driver to make a mistake that could get him in trouble on a motorcycle. And he might realize how clueless 90% of the driving population is, which might help him to be extra-careful and defensive.

Motorcycles - Fussy

[ In Reply To ..]
I feel for you. You are having a really rough time. My husband has ridden motorcycles and 4-wheelers since he was about five. He's now 46 and still has no intention of giving them up. The best thing you can do is make sure your son takes a motorcycle riding course, wears a quality helmet(no seam down the middle), and the correct riding gear. My husband has owned racing motorcycles, crotch rockets and cruisers. I can't stop him. Everyone has their passions in life, but at least he's responsible enough to wear the correct gear. I saw a man hit a deer with his Harley last year. He didn't have a decent helmet and no riding gear. He's alive but will have lasting effects from it. Tell your son to at least not be selfish and get the correct gear and training before he takes it out. If he can afford a motorcycle he can afford to get the correct gear. Unfortunately, it sounds like motorcycles are popular in your family. I feel for you. It's a constant worry. Good luck with your foot surgery and everything else. Things always have a way of working out. Keep your chin up.

Need advice from parents with children riding crotch rockets - Vera

[ In Reply To ..]
Thanks for the advice. I do also too believe when your time is up, it is up no matter where you are or what you are doing. I truly believe in the Bible saying. They have good safety courses here in my town. Son s so impulsive on buying guy toys, and then turns around sells them. To beat it all, he is an EMT and sees what these things can do but does not phase him. At this age, he is just not thinking of possible consequences. His wife could not talk him out of it and she is a nurse. He just got married and I do not pay for his insurance at all on anything. He is very responsible, but may be it would not have been as bad if he had bought a regular cruiser bike and not that crotch rocket. The worst fear for a parent is for their child to die before they do which is what my sister kept saying. I told my son I wanted more vehicle around me and since I do lots of reports on riders getting hurt and messing their bodies up for the rest of their life makes it even worse. I truly believe it a guy thing. I am praying he will sell it and put that money toward his truck which is a diesel and needs tires before winter. He has a lot of maturing to do. This was the same way he was with his 4-wheeler. He did not even take it through the mud and had only 37 hours on it and sold it for just what the loan was. I pray to God everyday about this, but he did tell his dad that he did want to get his license. Hopefully, that will satisfy him. I honestly would rather for him to have a boat instead of that bike. That is one thing I cannot understand is "why do bad things happen to good people." I do believe with all my soul there is a greater being than us, but that is one question I am sure that many people have too. My sister did loose her faith in God when her son was killed and it has taken her about 2-1/2 years now to get back into church. She has good days and bad days. I did tell my son he would understand when he had a child of his own one day. I am just too much of a mother hen and want to protect my children and family, but there definitely are some things in life we have no control over and have to learn to get through them everyday which is so hard at times. I could write a book a guess, but it does help to express it in words as there are truly many of us going through extremely hard times right now and I am one of those. Will pray for us all.

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