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Moving thoughts

Posted: Aug 2, 2010

Need some advice.

I have a 13 yo son whom I have moved states with a few times. Everytime I move he comes with me! We have lived in Wisconsin and Iowa. He has had to switch schools a total of 2 times. I have a wonderful opportunity to move out of state and have been getting NOTHING but grief from EVERYONE. My parents say I am selfsih. Problem is it is only because I am not DOING WHAT THEY WANT ME TO DO. If this was their plan it would be different. They are good people. However, my mother moved me when I was in HS freshman year, from a grad. class of 50 to a grad class of 330 people. She did not ask my permission. However she feels I must ask my sons. I was told that (when I was moved) children do no make adult decisions for a HH, parents do. She says I will mess him up and ruin everything good he has going for him if i move him now. He grads in 5 years. I can't really pass up this opportunity to move but feel really torn. I AM NOT GOING TO LEAVE HIM WITH ANYONE ELSE! So I guess these are my questions

What do you think? Will moving mess him up? Will family ties that break if I move repair? Would you move? I have to support us as my soon to be x married me knowing he was gay and did not tell me until just last year. I can't stay in a lie but I can't really in good mind mess my son up either. I am just lost. Can anyone help me with this??

;

Why are you moving? - Just curious

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x

just my 2 cents worth - EAL

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Graduating 5 years from now? Don't second-guess yourself. IMO, if he was one year (or two at a stretch) from graduation, it would be different story. If you truly believe that this is a great opportunity for the two of you, GO FOR IT.

Have you talked to your son? - Happy MT Robin

[ In Reply To ..]
Your mind sounds pretty made up, but have you talked to your son and explained the situation to him? You still sound pretty bitter from when your parents moved when you were young and you got no input. Your son is young enough that he can certainly adapt, but he's also old enough that he has opinions and I think he should be able to voice them, whether or not it changes your ultimate decision. Including him in the decision making process will certainly make the move easier on both of you and it could make it a whole lot more fun in the long run.

You have to do what you have to do to support yourself and your child. If your family is not offering either a job and/or a house to live in, leave them out of it as much as possible. Are you by chance moving away from your parents? If that is the case then they are probably feeling the soon-to-be loss of their grandchild where they can see him easily. I'm not excusing them, but it does make them easier to understand.

Talk to your son. I think a lot of your questions will be answered that way.

re: mom moves - Kristeena

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Why in the world to you need your mommy and daddy's permission or approval to move? You've got a 13 yo son, so I assume your old enough to make your own decisions and choices.

I think if an opportunity presents itself and you've evaluated the situation, deemed it would be worth moving you and you son, then DO IT. Moving won't "mess him up" and if anything, will give him opportunities as well (travel and all that). Severed family ties have a way of knotting themselves up over time.

With children, we always have to think of them, and if you are able to get out of and away for a potentially negative situation and better your lives, then that is what is best for your child and yourself.

DON'T BE SCARED! GO FOR IT!

Moving - sm

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This might not be the popular opinion, but I don't think you should move your son. You are not allowing him to develop roots in any one place. If you absolutely have to for financial reasons and cannot make it where you are, then I guess you have to, but if this is just an opportunity for something different, please consider your son more before you do anything.

We live 1 block from the house by husband was born in and my kids have never changed schools and are very involved in our community. Sure I would love to live somewhere with better weather, but I would never, ever move my family.

Good luck with whatever you choose.

I agree. - brit

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I think it is selfish to put your needs/desires before those of your son. My husband has had job opportunities with more money that would be great for us, but we have not moved, because we do not want to change our children's schools and they are only 10 and 6. It wouldn't even be as big of a deal for them as your son, with their younger age.

Now, if we just could not financially support our family where we were, then of course we would have to go, but if it isn't a 100% MUST and you have NO other options, I think it's just wrong.

Agree also! - RKW22

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How sad for a child to have to move. Brit and other responder sound like very unselfish mothers, putting their children's wellbeing first. They grow up so fast and we often look back and miss that time when they were still with us. When they are grown, if we so desire we can move wherever we want. But kids should be given "roots".

I would move, if you have a great opp and you think - sm - ECMT

[ In Reply To ..]
benefit you and your son (family) then go for it. He is in 8th grade, he will live. So you have moved 2 x before, big whoop, your child is learning skills on meeting people, etc. 8th grade is still quite early enough to make new friends for HS, etc. I met one of my best friends in 8th grade when she moved to my area, and another when she moved to my area in 10th grade. One was only moving about 20 miles, but the other several states. Neither are scarred for life. The first was an only child as well. She is fine, never suffered any ill effects. Her parents decided to move again our senior year....that of course was not happening. They ended up not moving until May and she lived with me for a month or so to finish up and graduate with her friends. You can keep in touch with the family via the internet, email, webcam, facebook, letters, etc., and your parents can visit and you can visit them, roads go both ways. I would not turn down a good opp, not many of them around these days. If things don't work out you can always move back. You will always regret if you don't go and try.

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