A community of 30,000 US Transcriptionist serving Medical Transcription Industry

Is there any reason you would cut off tyes to your biological children?

Posted: Jan 5, 2011

some time ago this subject was brought up to ask if anyone would cease contact with a child (adult or not). Would you and if so, under what circumstance? Incarcerated for a particular crime, for being the black sheep of the family...under what circumstance?

;

I would if - see message

[ In Reply To ..]
1. If my child threatened to harm me in any way.

2. If they continued to do something so terrible to me that after continually asking them to not do it they continued I would.

My dad would say yes.. - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
My dad disowned me because his "new wife" did not like me. I have seen his face twice in 12 years and he didn't even say hello.

He looks old now, and lonely. Heard the "new wife" wants a divorce. I guess you have to lay in that bed you made, right?

I am at that point with own daughter - frustrated

[ In Reply To ..]
She is now 22, but the constant lying over the past 4 years has really strained this relationship. I do not trust anything she says, she owes me a lot of money, and she is just down right nasty to me. I care for her son 4 days a week and provide most of his care financially. Besides talk on his behalf, I have stopped talking to her at all. Didn't even buy her a christmas gift!

Well - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
Well, I have 2 situations. The first one was my Dad. He really didn't do anything with us when we were young, left my mother for another woman and never had contact with him for many years, pretty much disowned us. Some 20 years later, after she died, he got back into mine and my sisters lives. Of course he was so sorry for what he did and blah, blah, blah. I do see him more now but he really has not changed. He still doesn't visit or call. I have to go there.

My son, who has been in trouble with drinking and drugs for several years. He was in a lot of trouble and his grandparents kept bailing him out. I wouldn't. I figured time in jail/prison would straighten him out. Well, he ended up leaving the state and wandering the country for quite a few years. Got into meth and really lost his marbles. He would call me once a year or so and had some bizarre things to say. I talked to him and was glad he was alive, but would not let him come to my home. In the last year, he has started seeing a woman, says he has stopped the meth, which I believe he may have, but still does drink. He has not been in trouble and he has informed me I am going to be a grandma. LOL He does call me a lot now and has not asked for help or money or anything, so I am hoping he is finally straightening his life out. I am just taking things one day at a time with him. I really would like to see him straighten out and have him back in my life, but we shall see. Unfortunately, he is on the other side of the country and don't know when I will get to see my 1st grandchild. This truly saddens me.

I could never completely cut the cord for any reason. SM - Fingers

[ In Reply To ..]
I am not in a position to state what I would do with "bad" children. Mine are wonderful.

I do understand how lying, stealing, and crimes could put a big strain on a relationship. I believe in tough love in those situations. I believe I would definitely keep my distance. I would not allow them to live with me and I would not give them money. Even if my child were incarcerated for horrible crimes, say even on death row, I would always tell them I loved them no matter what.

I have seen these situations and they are sad, and I completely understand parents who feel they must do this for whatever reason. I just could not completely disown my child, even if it was simply a mail or telephone relationship.

Understand - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
I do agree. I did not disown him. He was roaming the country and I had no way of contacting him. When he did contact me once a year or so, I would try to get him to go to a rehab center for help, but he told me he didn't need help. I always did tell him I loved him, but I had a younger son that I was taking care of by myself and, though, my older son never asked for money or to come and stay with me, I would not have allowed it. There was really no way for me to contact him by mail or telephone, because I never knew where he was. It broke my heart to hear the things he was saying and how he was hurting himself, but what can you do with a child who is an adult other than try to convince them to get help. Now that he is stationed in one place, we talk quite a bit, but I cannot afford to fly to see him and don't know when I will be able to see my grandchild when he/she is born.

I, too, believe in tough love. That is why I tried to convince his grandparents to pay for his crimes, but they kept bailing him out and he kept getting in more trouble. They refused to listen until he finally left the state owing them a ton of money and still on drugs and drinking.

Sometimes, you have to draw a line on what you will accept, child or no child. I am grateful that I have contact with him now and hope he is on the right track to becoming a productive citizen and father and that our relationship will continue to blossom.

By the way, when I did talk to him on the phone back then, it was about FBI plots and alien plots and all the other things they manifest on methamphetamine. That was totally heartbreaking.

Be thankful you have good kids. My other son is a good boy too. I love both my children the same, but sometimes you have to let them go to a degree in order to save yourself and other family members from being harmed.

Hope your kids stay wonderful. It's a terrible situation to be in.

sm - your post proves my point. There is always hope. - Fingers

[ In Reply To ..]
"Judge not lest ye be judged." It is so hard to say what one should do in these circumstances until you have walked in their shoes. You have done all that you could, and did not do things that you should not, even if it was your son.

I do honestly understand how adult kids can damage the relationship with the parents and that it is heart-breaking. You have my sympathy about that but you, yourself, did not cut all ties with your son and contact was still made on his part. You never ever know - sometimes people change their lives around completely after they hit rock bottom, and it has to be in their own time in their own way.

Things sound like they are heading in a positive direction and he may become a son that you are very proud of (hope so), so I am glad that all ties were never completely severed. You may have missed out on what you prayed for all along. Wish you so much luck and happiness.

P.S. maybe this child will make a difference in how he lives his life. - and he will grow up. NM

[ In Reply To ..]
x

grow up - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
Those are my prayers. He really sounds like he is going to get his life turned around for his child. I truly pray every day that he does.

see, that is what I thought, too - AARPMom

[ In Reply To ..]
but it didn't happen. My grown daughter has a long history of getting mad at me when when she doesn't get her way and then refusing to speak to me. This goes back over 10 years. Now that I have adopted her child (after the child was literally dropped off on my doorstep), she has not spoken to me in over 2 years. I am a child stealer, ya know. I'm a grownup and can take it, but since she won't talk to me, she also won't talk to her offspring. In the last 3 years, the child saw my daughter twice, both times being over 2 years ago. She only lives 10 miles from me, so my little girl thinks she sees her everywhere...the state fair, the grocery store, in the car next to us in traffic. I honestly believe she is going to wait until the child is grown and then try to have a relationship with her so as to avoid me all together. And to be honest, I have a LOT of anger toward the older one for treating the young one like this...she did not do anything to deserve to be treated this way. I don't know how to get past that...only to give it time. So, I haven't cut off ties, the grown daughter has cut them.

This is spite and no good will come of it. sm - Fingers

[ In Reply To ..]
So said that your daughter can not see how much she is hurting her own child. This child will never ever never get over this. What makes it worse is she will know how easy it was for her mother to get to her since she lives so close by. I don't know how old your GD is but one day she is going to find her mother, phone book, Face Book, etc. and there will be many hard questions to answer about her complete and total lack of responsibility, and for what, spite?

AARPMom, bless you if you can bring happiness to your granddaughter, raise her, and protect her. Keep the lines of communication open. Never speak ill of this child's mother to her. It will not do any good and will only hurt her more. As for the numerous questions, a good honest answer is, "I do not know or I do not understand either."

Don't you wonder what this girl thinks on Mother's Day, Christmas, etc. Oh, how I would hate to be in that situation. It would be very hard to live with indeed. Good luck to you and this child.

this child is so vulnerable - AARPMom

[ In Reply To ..]
because she wants to know something, anything, about her bio m. This past weekend I found bio mom on Facebook with recent pictures. I showed them to the little one because she looks so different than the child's memories. I also sent bio m an email that she could meet us in a local park, which went unaswered. My goal was to show the little one that she is not seeing bio m everywhere because bio m does't look the same anymore. I don't talk bad about either of her parents. The worst thing I have ever said is that her dad just wasn't a stick around kind of a guy. She had not seen or heard from him in almost 4 years and we ran into him at a restaurant last year. She decided to say goodbye to him that day and let him go. That is why it is so hard for her. If she ran into bio dad at a restaurant, then it is possible to do the same with bio m. She actually now wants an opportunity to do the same with bio m, but I have not allowed it because I am not convinced that it is in the best interest of either of them. I thought this invitation would take care of the issue, but again, no contact.

While I don't talk ill of them, I kept a detailed diary for over 2 years of any and all contact and the facts of the contact. I have an entire box full of papers and records to show I have done everything I can to allow her healthy contact.

Bless her little heart, the day the judge granted the adoption, that was the first time she allowed herself to call me "mom." I love it every time she says it. She has been with me for every holiday of her life. This year, Mother's Day was very, very special. She allowed herself to revel in it. But it is very, very hard to live with. While I enjoy raising her as my daughter, I am very sad that we had to lose the relationship with the bio m. Very hard road to walk.

Thank you for your wishes.

I did - and I've come to regret it - Didn't know what I was doing

[ In Reply To ..]
Ten years ago I cut off ties with my son, who had been in and out of jail, married because his girlfriend was pregnant, divorced, then got her pregnant again and another girl at the same time - At that point, I'd had it and told him I was done until he could get his life together.

Ten years later, he is remarried, doing okay, I think, has four children between these two women, and will not respond to any of my emails or phone calls. I have four grandchildren out there, three of whom I've never met, and the oldest who was four when I saw him last. They live 30 miles away.

Regrets? Yes. All I can do is try to get the message through that I'm open to a rapproachment whenever he is ready, if that time ever comes.

Regret - what does trying to get the message through mean? - Keep trying.

[ In Reply To ..]
You and your son remember the fights, arguing, and the problems that brought you to this point; however, these children do not. You are wasting valuable time that you could have with your precious grandchildren and, believe me, having a close relationship with your grandchildren is a treasure that should not be missed in life if you can help it.

I don't know, but perhaps you could make a stronger effort? Be persistent?

If not, then I wish you luck and hope that one day your family will know love and peace. You, again, are a perfect example of why family ties should never be completely cut. Time takes care of many things. I hope it does for you.

Pretty much everthing - with a couple exceptions - Didn't k now what I was doing

[ In Reply To ..]
I've tried email, snail mail, phone calls. What I haven't tried is showing up on his door unannounced, though I haven't ruled it out. Also, I'm still close with his brother, but they are also distant if not estranged, and I don't feel it would be right putting his brother in a messenger position, so I try to keep him out of the conversation. Ready for some irony? His brother and his wife have been married and stable for 13 years and have been unable to have children. Doesn't really seem fair, does it?

Anyway, thank you for your good wishes and your compassion. If I had it to do over again, I would definitely have made different decisions!

Similar Messages:

Oct 21, 2011
Hi all, I need some advice/guidance on adopted children. BACKGROUND: I am the mother of 3 children, 14,19(step son), and 4 m.o. Approximately 15 years ago I was told I would not be able to have biological children from 3 different specialist. Around the same time my younger sister was pregnant but kept it hiddden from the family until she was 6 wks away from delivery. After he was born, she decided that she wanted her old fun carefree life style back and left him w ...

Oct 17, 2016
http://www.govtslaves.info/the-clintons-greatest-shame-chelsea-clinton-is-the-biological-daughter-of-webb-hubbell/ Look at the stunning resemblance in comparing Webb Hubbell’s picture to Chelsea’s picture. ...

Sep 11, 2011
Prayers are much needed for both of my young children suffering from addiction. My pain and worry for them are almost too much to bear, but I know prayers are heard! ...

Sep 02, 2016
I just recently found out my ex-husband lost his house because he hasn't paid the taxes on it for four years. He is an alcoholic, doesn't work, and is bipolar as well. He somehow manages to come up with money to buy his alcohol, but won't get a job to pay his bills or taxes. He's a veteran and gets charity organizations to pay his utilities. He doesn't even own a car that runs anymore. He's just really pathetic. I divorced him for ...

Feb 19, 2012
See link for Amy Poehler and Seth from SNL discussing birth control. ...

Feb 18, 2012
Most people are worried when they're kids are "out of control." Okay, that's a concern. What about when they are walking around tryiing to be perfect for parents' with ridiculous expectations? A note below sparked the thought. A kid who is doing competitive gymnastics (a horror in my mind), plus horseback riding, dancing, singing in a chorus, on and on is not being a kid. When would there be time for THAT? Gymnastics, in my opinion, is a horror. Little perfec ...

Mar 11, 2011
talk about making you sick at your stomach.... ...

Feb 20, 2011
I have two grown sons and I think the daughter-in-laws have a good deal to do with it, but they are mad at me all the time. One sends me nasty E-mails to which I do not respond at all. The other is more passive-aggressive (such as unfriended me on Facebook and didn't wish me Happy Anniversary, although sent a text TO MY HUSBAND). I try to walk a very tight line because they use my grandchildren as weapons, and I won't get to see them. I never criticize their actions; ...

Oct 29, 2010
My boyfriend has 5 children. He was married to his former wife for 14 years. They have been divorced for 1 year now; separated for 3, and have 5 children together ranging from almost 13 years old to 5 years old. He had custody of them in the beginning because she abandoned them (left the state with another man)....then she was somehow able to get custody back. Anyway that really isn't the issue. The youngest (5-year-old) has been potty trained since he was 3. He rea ...

Oct 19, 2010
I need some input about something that my 3 y/o grandson has been saying. He has been saying that the "shadow man" comes out of his roof and says bad things to him. He tells him to go away and he does and he goes back to sleep. That is only at his house. He does not seem scared, he says "he makes me mad". On the anniversary of my father's death, I took him with me to place flowers at the grave. He was talking to the air, having a conversation with "a man ...

Aug 04, 2010
It seems that my ex is just up and quitting his military job instead of retiring after 17 years of being in because he would prefer not to give me (the ex-wife) half of his retirement. He has no plan for his future. He and his new wife have just decided that this is the thing for him to do. No job and no insurance. Pray that I will be able to supply the insurance they need on my own. Thank you so much. ...

Apr 04, 2011
Anybody with a minute, would appreciate your prayers. My son has been fighting for custody of his children from their meth-addicted mother. She is now homeless, and he is getting the children full-time instead of joint custody. His current wife just up and tells him she wants a divorce; doesn't want to raise his children by his other marriage. He works a week out of town and then is home a week. He is scheduled to leave for work tomorrow. My husband and I ...

Jun 04, 2013
My dad taught me to read and helped me with all my homework. What's wrong with having a father play that role? My parents both worked--I graduated early with honors. ...

Oct 07, 2015
I have posted before about babysitting 4 children a few nights a week. Upon hire, I was told I would get paid $35 a night (5 hours). I have logged in 4 nights. I have only gotten paid $75 so far - and that was after I pretty much had to beg for it. I really enjoy the kids, they are great and I have a lot of fun. How do I address this issue? My daughter (21 YO) helped me type up a babysitting log in my Excel program, keeping track of dates, charges and pay.&nb ...

Nov 23, 2015
Why? How can people stand to sit there and listen to their kid scream constantly, intermittently every few seconds, nonstop, for over an hour, let alone 10-15-20 minutes or so? This one next door will scream at him in return "STOP" and he keeps it up, then she screams again, he keeps it up, and so on. This goes on the better part of a day sometimes. This baby is about 2 years old, dysfunctional family where the mother and father both scream ...

Mar 20, 2010
http://www.azcentral.com/arizonarepublic/news/articles/2010/03/20/20100320arizona-kids-lose-health-coverage.html ...

Aug 29, 2012
What age do you believe is appropriate for a child to attend a family funeral? ...

Dec 18, 2012
I am extremely close with some little girls, ages 8 and 10 and their family also. I could not love these children more. Long story short, they moved away out of state and in the last few days their father was arrested for domestic abuse against the mother. He drew the children into the fight, called the mother bad names in front of the children and even told the 10 year old girl if she stayed around her mother then she would be the same and even said the b… word to the child. The mother tonigh ...

Dec 21, 2012
I know the whole, "better to give than receive" and "Children should know the real meaning of Christmas" etc., I was just wondering with the prices of items today how much does a personal typically spend on their children for Christmas? My husband always complains and says I spend too much on ours and I tried to cut back this year, but still ended up spending around $1500 on two children, ages 9 and 12 and really it looks like they are having a very small Christmas. I am not complain ...

Jan 17, 2013
link ...

Jan 26, 2013
Diana West: Love this woman's columns. Her eyes are wide open to what goes on in D.C. Not one of the 23 executive orders that President Obama signed -- flanked by schoolchildren whom none of us want to see murdered and before an audience that included relatives of murdered schoolchildren -- would have prevented the massacre at Sandy Hook. Did the main idea of the sentence above come through -- that the president's latest orders would not have stopped the heavily armed ...

Jul 01, 2013
This weekend at a fireworks celebration in our town someone donated drinks to the children. You know those little flavored plastic bottles, maybe 6 inches tall. Some had a plastic cap that you pullled and it unraveled and came off, some had tin foil. One child was heard to say "Hey there must have been some paper in my drink". He evidently swallowed something. Another person looked at the container and it had clearly printed an expiration date of 2009 on it and when inspected s ...

Aug 10, 2013
*See comment below article. This is an old article but it rings true to today's speeches by many people. Save the children: Tax the rich Print Email to a Friend by: JARVIS TYNER march 10 2011 Almost 25 percent of U.S. children are now living in poverty - the largest number since the Great Depression. Since the current economic crisis began, child poverty has grown by two million to some 16 million youngsters nationally. According to the Childre ...

Nov 05, 2013
Seattle Children’s Hospital ranks No. 11 on the U.S. News & World Report best pediatric hospital list. When Obamacare rolled out, the hospital found itself with just two out of seven insurance companies on Washington’s exchange. Seattle Children’s is the only pediatric hospital in King County, and offers keys services, such as cancer care, which are not available anywhere else in the region. So if you sign up for Obamacare, good luck surviving. Fortunately, that represents ...

Oct 28, 2014
Thanks to Michelle Obama's lunch rules, I mean. ...

Nov 23, 2014
This is a complicated issue. Previously the government in Guatemala leased land to the small farmers who were able to support their families on the leased land. Then Cargill and other mega corporations leased the land from the government displacing thousands of small farmers. Not enough jobs on those mega plantations for all, not to mention cutting down the forests and displacing the people there. On top of that, there is a drought. So, people in desperation send th ...

Aug 21, 2015
May God rest this child's soul and comfort her family. ...

Aug 10, 2017
This idiot is going to get us all killed....now with god's blessing. https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2017/08/09/trump-north-korea-robert-jeffress/554709001/ ...

Oct 29, 2009
I have always considered myself in excellent health especially with all the health issues I type on each and every day with people younger or near my age. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism in the late 80s and the doctor asked me about anyone in my family who had it, usually he said runs in the females and told me to let any daughters I might have the information. I went back to an older aunt and she could think of no one in the family with this. I since have been diagnosed with a kidney diseas ...

Mar 22, 2012
Putting our book out there free today on Amazon hoping to get feedback from children and adults - Thanks!! "Lionel's Grand Adventure - Lionel and the Golden Rule" http://www.amazon.com/dp/B006MYOY3W ...