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Having a midlife crisis, professionally and personally

Posted: Feb 12, 2013

Does anyone else feel this way? I feel like one thing fell apart, then another, then another, then another... Marriage is on the rocks, daughter and I having a ton of problems, work has dried up and changed dramatically, family illnesses, deaths, house repairs that have no money to get done, gained a ton of weight, dont feel like cooking or cleaning, everything has blown up!

I feel like buying a brand new camaro and taking off for a month by myself. I need a huge break from reality.

Does anyone else every feel like this?

;

crisis - beenthere

[ In Reply To ..]
My heart goes out to you. And my prayers.

Hey, you know what? - You rock.

[ In Reply To ..]
I think people like you who see a midlife-type ordeal coming on and admit it are more likely to move on and be happy sooner than those who sit there in denial about how they're feeling. Good for you, and I hope you take some time to treat yourself, get to know yourself again, and come back stronger. :)

Seriously... I cannot thank you guys enough - for your kind words

[ In Reply To ..]
You guys are truly great. Thanks for understanding.

Take me with you! - Norrie

[ In Reply To ..]
We can have lots of a fun in a Camaro! (Or anything else that will carry us away for a bit.) I'm experiencing many of the things that you are as well. Your message struck a chord with me about taking some alone time. Everyone's alone time needs are different, and mine are quite high. Today my newly-retired husband was gone for the day and I can't tell you how elated I felt to have the house to myself! Maybe some peace and quiet for even a short time would help you strategize about how to get back on a good emotional track. Believe me, you're not alone.

Stop by and pick me up too - wheres_my_job

[ In Reply To ..]
No, I'll just follow along in my "boat." A good time will be had by all.

I had a couple of days where, after everything was - falling apart, I almost....ALMOST.... (SM)

[ In Reply To ..]
just got in my car and drove away, leaving it all behind. Everything. Apartment with rent due. Bills. Credit cards. Boyfriend. Family. Decent-paying job (but with cr*ppy supervisor). Friends. Hobbies. Even my own identity.

It was close. SO close! During my lunch break that one day, I went so far as to walk out to the parking lot, get in my car, and start the engine.

But instead of going anywhere, instead I sat with the engine idling for almost half an hour, and listened to a bunch of good songs on the radio. I guess that must've calmed me down, because when the lunch break was over, I went back in and finished my workday.

Never did do it, but came oh, so close. I've always wondered how it would've turned out if I had.

that sounds like the best therapy of all! - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
Sometimes the best thing is to play outlaw on your lunch break. Do it right, and it lasts for a few weeks. You go! (But not too far, okay?)

Oh my gosh! Every dang day for me - I found my own solution

[ In Reply To ..]
Some days I don't know how I hold it together. Feel like I'm going to scream. Luckily my marriage is good, but yeah, bills rising, pay shrinking, animal responsibilities, working all the time with no time for myself. My free time alone is in bed sleeping. DH and I have different hours, so it's nice to be able to go in and have some "alone" time, even if for a few minutes before I fall asleep (okay more like a few seconds). I'm so tired of it sometimes and it does seem like it will never get better sometimes.

Here is my own solution that works for me. When I get really stressed, or just anytime I want to) I sit back and close my eyes. I have a place in my mind that I go to. It is a cottage in the country in England (similar to the one at the end of the movie The Saint). Walk in to the left there is a big huge fluffy feather bed with a fireplace going in the corner, to the right is a little sitting area with another fireplace and a little kitchen. I've got some classical music playing (preferably Mozart), and in the kitchen are french doors that lead out to the back where in the mornings I have coffee, some fresh squeezed orange juice and brochen with some real butter and my homemade blueberry preserves made from my blueberry bushes. While I eat I let the sun kiss my face and a warm breeze blows through my hair while all my wildlife friends come to visit me. I also have 6 kittens that love to play around with each other. Most of the time I sit in the sun in a comfortable lounge chair outside, or if I'm in the mood I'll lay in my big fluffy bed watching my fire. I just do whatever I feel like doing.

I visualize this so strongly in my mind that I'm able to smell the fireplace logs burning and sometimes will feel a breeze and feel the sun on my face when I go outside and it makes me smile to watch my kittens play around.

This is my sanctuary. I go there to relax. There are no kids, no work, no bills, no hungry husband to feed, no broken anything. Everything is working and everything is peace. Then I open my eyes and finish whatever I need to, or by that time I'm fast asleep. It just works for me.

I love your visualization - but - - wheres_my_job

[ In Reply To ..]
I yearn to have the visualization saturate real life - I mean, why isn't your real bedroom, your real house, like the one in your visualization (maybe it is, and you are one lucky lady!)

To use an MT type metaphor - that's the canker sore of visualization - the little irritated yearning for something in reality. At least for me. I think that's why I love painting, drawing - I see a painting and I love it and I WANT IT!!!!! Well, I can paint my own paintings that I love...I don't know, I feel a little depressed and powerless, visualization and writing in my journal, positive attitude, slow and steady wins the race, etc - where has that gotten me? I feel a creative deadness, a desire to slough off my day to day life - I'm doing things that are a total waste of my abilities and talents, for small amounts of money. Maybe most people are on the planet, I don't know. When you live to keep body and soul together, sometimes you end up with too much body (as in fat) and not enough soul. That's where I am. I'm so tired of painting pictures in my mind, as it were...I want something tangible.

** I'm just getting ready for work now, or getting ready to get ready for work - I don't want to go. Why? I'd like to paint the sash on the dress of a portrait I'm copying from the 1700s. And I'm going to go take care of toddlers and then tutor grade school kids. Why? I mean isn't the sash on the dress more important. It is more important. **

Anyway, I'm just belly aching. Your visualization is beautiful, thanks for sharing. Just feeling the intense pain of everyday life acutely.

I hear you on that one - I found my own solution

[ In Reply To ..]
I would love to have that in my real life, but reality is I never will. I don't have a cottage in the country in England, but recently have moved to a really pretty (modest) house. I have a big yard that if I ever get any extra money in I will be planting gardens. I like living close to the earth as much as I can.

The hard reality is that I have to work every day (7 days sometimes and into the nights) just to make ends meet. That will never end unless either 1- I win the lottery or 2 - something drastic happens and our politicians are held responsible for what they've done and they hire people who know how to fix the economy, but since I don't see that happening in the near future I have to have my sanctuary. The reality part of my vision is that I have kittens that play around and I have wildlife that roams through my yard.

I'm not talented like you. The best i can draw is a stick figure and I'm so bad at that once my DH asked me what I drew. I said a stick person. He said "oh". LOL. If I could do that I might think about opening a gallery to sell my paintings, but I have no talent to create things (except quits and needle point).

But one day if I do win the lottery i will make my fantasy a reality. In the meantime I get up every day and work because that is reality. It's also dang depressing too!

You have inspired me to work harder, even - inspired

[ In Reply To ..]
if it has to be 7 days a week. You are a realist.

You know, I'll just say come out and say it... - I found my own solution

[ In Reply To ..]
IT SUCKS!!!! LOL. There I finally said it. I spend many nights crying myself to sleep worried about what will happen if I don't keep working. I'm 53 years old and I'm pretty darn tired of being a slave. I know there are people worse off then me, but dang it, a little break in life would be nice. Then I think about my relatives. My dad worked his whole life to support his family and mom so she could stay home and raise us, then when we were old enough she got a job. My aunts worked her whole life, sis, brothers. My grandfather did what he had to to support his family, as did his father and his father and all my other relatives and they didn't complain (or at least not that I know of), so I'll do what I have to do, but still I do wish I could get a little break. My one wish in life never happened (to have kids and raise them), so I just try and focus on surviving this economy.

But dang (for better use than the "F" word) I would like a little break. Maybe one day I'll get inspired enough to make something with my quilts that would be something people would want to buy. I don't know. I'm still searching and every day I will always dream of different things that I could do, but while I'm living in reality I have to have my cottage with the big fluffy bed and fireplace going. Maybe tonight I'll go there and have it snow so I can be nice and cozy inside while I read a book in bed.

Yes, go there tonight and have it snow - wheres_my_job

[ In Reply To ..]
I've started a book "Galileo's Daughter," which I am LOVING so far...I'm gonna read that tonight.

I hope we both get "big breaks" not just little breaks, we deserve them!!!!!!! There's a little fingernail of new moon tonight - my mom who hurt her back, got out to the grocery store for the first time in a month or so...they had to bring her a chair when my dad was checking out, because she couldn't stand up that long (I didn't get the whole story, so hopefully she didn't collapse).

Anyway, I'm going to read tonight too. I'd like to hold off on the snow for a while, at least till April :)

Quilts and needlepoint...those are wonderful skills - wheres_my_job

[ In Reply To ..]
People pay a pretty penny for those things...of course, seems like you need some capital up front, to get into selling quilts or needlework in any serious way.

I feel for you with the long hours. I think I'd give up and go to a homeless shelter, and work from home(less shelter) that way, to save some money, or something. The economy is IN the toilet.

Oh, I feel so bad for you, for all of us. Better days for all of us!!

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