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Friend with OCD
Posted: May 24, 2013
Hi all,
One of hubby's co-workers has OCD, by her own admission. Hubby and I have come to enjoy her and her husban'd company socially, as they're quite fun, but she drives us all nuts. Her mouth doesn't stop talking, and it's not just normal talking. Everything that happens is a spiral downhill of some sort of tragedy. Her dog was constipated, so he has a tumor in his bowel; her husband had dark circles under his eyes, so he ate too much bacon (?!!). A lot of it (like the bacon thing) isn't even logical.
She's a sweet girl, but by the time hubby works with her all day, he doesn't want to spend any time with her socially because he's so worn out. Can someone help me explain why she has to verbalize all her fears--and even if she's not verbalizing her fears, the mouth doesn't stop.
She also (while sweet) is a bit of a control freak and has her nose into work business where it doesn't belong and she really ticks her co-workers off, including my husband who is a manager. She is a cashier at the store.
I guess my question is, why does she have to TALK all her fears out? I have all sorts of fears (like the car is going to crash on the highway), but I don't keep verbalizing it to the point of driving everyone nuts. I know it can release anxiety to talk, talk, talk, but must she??
I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be mean. I know one cannot control their fears, but one can control what comes out of their mouth if they know it's driving everyone klabonkers.
Her husband of 10 years must be a saint. He does tend to hide in his room at home a lot and read. He is not mean to her that we have ever witnessed, but I can see why he retreats.
Thanks.
;
If she is so annoying - just
[ In Reply To ..]avoid her. She sounds really self-absorbed and rude. Why put yourself through the misery of having to deal with her? You mentioned your husband is tired of her by the end of the workday, so find someone less selfish to socialize with. Life is too short to spend any of it with people who do not enhance your quality of life.
We have - Minimized socializing
[ In Reply To ..]It is a shame that we have minimized our socializing with them, because she and her husband are actually quite fun. I wouldn't call her a selfish person, and what is the self-absorption is the OCD talking. She's very generous when it comes to helping people out and easy to talk to about "things." I don't place her in a narcissistic categroy by any means--she would have been toast a long time ago in my book if she was.
I just wish I understood why it all has to come out of her mouth.... :( I was hoping someone with OCD could enlighten me, just for my own curiousity.
Not sure it is OCD - sm
[ In Reply To ..]I really don't know, I'm not a professional, but I do know some people with OCD. Most OCD behaviors are "ritualistic" behaviors, not just being self-absorbed and nonstop talking. Most people with OCD are very aware of their ritualistic behaviors and very aware that it is unusual and they tend to have some sense of shame regarding them, so they try to hide it from people, not go on and on about it. Most people who have OCD also don't blurt out "I have OCD" they try to keep it a secret because of the stigma associated with that or any psychiatric illness.
I know a lady who always says "You know my OCD kicked in because the house wasn't clean, so i told him off!" Really, I believe that she is just making excuses for being rude or whatever, because again, while they may enjoy organization, they also don't mind cleaning to make it that way, same cleaning rituals over the over.
If you enjoy being around her, other than the obsessive jaw jabbering, you could always just sit her down and talk to her. Worst case scenario, she won't want to hang with you anymore and really it's to that point for you already. Just tell you that you understand her fears and you have fears of your own, BUT you like to keep a more positive outlook on life and focus more on positive things and "happy thoughts" and her morbid topics of conversation are wearing you out.
Thanks - OP
[ In Reply To ..]Thanks, you're right. I don't even know if she's been to a clinician and gotten a true diagnosis or not. We're just basing it on what she told us--that she has OCD--and some observed characteristics.
She does have an incessant need to clean (even at work) and has alluded to some before bedtime rituals. She told me flat out once that she often cleans, not because she wants to, but because she HAS to, whether it's dirty or not. She said she goes batty if she doesn't, and she told us once she'll pop off the couch while relaxing and just start cleaning something. I kind of tried to lighten her up, and told her that if she ever needs to pop up off my couch, to feel free to clean. She does have a sense of humor about it.
Hate to say it, but - Skeptic
[ In Reply To ..]I think that a lot of these "alphabet soup" disorders are not really disorders, but simply inabilities to function socially and to handle one's life. When you put some permutation of alphabetical letters on it, it somehow legitimizes bad behavior. I wouldn't spend 10 minutes with these folks, sorry.
I know what you mean - OP
[ In Reply To ..]I seriously do think a lot of this stuff is labled for insurance reasons---they need a lable for insurance to pay for it.
They used to just call this stuff "neurotic."
I do not, however, want to minimize how hard it must be for someone like that. She really isn't a bad person. Nor is she narcissistic. She does care about other people. But she needs to not be driving other people nuts.
She can't drive you nuts - if you don't let her
[ In Reply To ..]If you just refuse to allow her bad behavior into your life, it cannot affect you. It is very kind of you to want to be her friend, but she sounds like a train wreck who will not change. The kinder course might be to force her to experience the consequences of her bad behavior by excluding her from your life. If enough people do it, she might have an incentive to make the effort to change her behavior.
Fortunately... - We hardly see them socially anymore
[ In Reply To ..]Hubby is sort of stuck with her at work, but we don't really socialize all that much anymore.
I wish what you say was true - wheres_my_job
[ In Reply To ..]I had two friends (two) - one was very quiet in groups of people, so who knew that she was a "stealth talker" - I had lunch with her maybe 3 times - each time, I made a valiant effort to get a word in edgewise, say something about my life, my interests, my opinions, ANYTHING - no, she just got back to talking about herself, and how much pain and sorrow there was in her life, her eyes tearing up...I mean, I was literally sitting in a chair at her house, having an out of body experience, listening to her talk, and talk, and talk, and talk...I freely admit, I cannot stop a moving freight train of verbiage directed at me.
Then there was the person who was really domineering in groups, but I thought maybe she'd be less talkative in a one-on-one situation - again, NO, even if you did manage to say something about yourself, she just sort of SIGHED...looked a bit uncomfortable...and then launched into talking about herself again. I mean, if I told her anything about myself, she sort of drifted off, looked away vaguely....like I'd farted or something.....
Well, apparently the second person HAS been told by MANY people that she talks too much about herself...a marriage of hers ended for this reason...so I just totally completely AVOID her - both of them. When I see them occasionally, sitting quietly here or there, I feel a twinge of guilt...then I remind myself...oh no, they are NONSTOP TALKERS and they will not change.
I can be a motor mouth myself, but even then, I am sure to give AMPLE TIME to the other person to give their opinion, vent, talk about their life, tell a story, etc, and I'm INTERESTED IN WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY. I just can't understand people who just show no interest whatsoever in what other people are saying!!!!
Sorry, I had to get that off my chest. Balance in all things - including talking!!
LOL - OP
[ In Reply To ..]Fortunately, this person isn't quite so selfish. We all do talk and have fun. I don't glaze over, but I do go a little kablonkers. Our friend does listen to what you have to say, and she does know how to engage in meanfingul conversation and does have empathy.
I know, though, exactly what you mean about some types of people. We have a neighbor like that, and I cringe (I mean cringe) when we happen to be at a function where she is. She just talks AT you, not really to you. She was rambling one time at a dinner table of 8, and her husband said, "who cares[then her name]. I thought that was pretty funny, but of course, I did not laugh outloud.
Indeed, there is a difference between talking AT you and talking TO you. I can't say our friend is an AT person.
OCD - Nick
[ In Reply To ..]Isn't it funny how people use these factitious illnesses to excuse bad behavior? Example: When I was a kid, I had a tendency to act up in school. (No surprise there.) My father told me that the teacher had his permission to give me a smack and that he would give me another smack when I got home. Nowadays, it's always some alphabet soup excuse, like someone said above. I can't function because I have OCD or ADHD or ABCDEF or something. Sadly, I learned that it is best to not engage with such high-maintenance people. I call them energy vampires.
...and - some people
[ In Reply To ..]I hate that someone who is just plain mean to their spouses or family, and they get some kind of diagnosis, like bipolar. I am NOT minimizing true bipolar, but I do think it's overdiagnosed.
I know someone who is mean, rotten and nasty but ONLY to her husband and other family members. On this planet, you cannot convince me that this is some sort of chemical imabalance. Um, the chemical imabalance goes away when it's the mailman, grocer or friend? I mean, this woman will go kablonkers if her husband, say, accidentally breaks a glass or something, but if one of her friends does it, she's okay. If someone working on her house trails in a little dirt, she's okay, but if her husband does, she flips her lid. I would not call this bipolar, I would call this unstable, kind of odd behavior--but it's chosen, selective behavior. She says she loves her husband and family, but she has a very strange way of showing it.
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