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I miss my friend

Posted: Jan 29, 2014

I have a best friend since grade school, on into adulthood, raised our children together, etc. About six months ago she adopted a new religion (I'm not sure if she is now Jewish, if that is the correct term?) but she has completely distanced herself from me and everyone we knew, including some of her family and is only involved in her new religious friends. It is so strange that she has made a 100% transformation, she is learning Hebrew, wearing head scarves and only dresses, I mean just a total 180 from what she was.

Has anyone ever had something like this happen? It is confusing to me. I mean, I am not trying to knock her religion and I have never said I wasn't accepting of it, really I don't even know enough about all of it. I do know that she no longer uses the term "God" she uses Hebrew terms to refer to everything. She isn't open about it either. I know some people find religion and are ready to share what they have learned with everyone, but with her, she just seems to have distanced herself from everyone. I do miss my friend and I can't understand why this would be something that consumed her entire life and she had to leave everyone and everything else behind. I haven't even said anything to her really about it, because I honestly don't know what to say. I don't know if I should just leave her alone, obviously she is happy and fulfilled at what she is doing currently, or if I should just let her know I would like us to continue our relationship somehow, because we were like sisters before! I feel like I don't even know her anymore though.

;

my sister did this - not so close anymore

[ In Reply To ..]
We were brought up Baptist and she was introduced to the Pentecostal religion when she was a teenager. She clings to this religion the way your friend has done, excluding family and friends in favor of only people in that religion. One of the points they promote is that they are God's chosen people, different from others, and should behave that way - separate from those who do not believe the way they do.

I spent a lot of my adult life trying to be the person I thought my sister wanted me to be until I have come to realize that UNLESS I convert to her religion, I am not someone she actually wants to be associated with. Of course, from her point of view I am the one with the problem, not her.

So I have learned to let go and let God. If our paths meet, I don't harbor any ill will. Sometimes I do write her letters telling her how I feel (re missing her and how her choices have affected me and my family), then I tear them up or burn them, never sending them. I wish her well in the path that she has chosen, but she walks it without me and that is her choice. She has to live her life the way she feels she must, without my opinion, and I allow her to do just that.

Did she leave her husband? - see msg

[ In Reply To ..]
Did she leave her husband and marry someone of the Jewish religion? Traditionally, married women who are strict Jewish wear head scarves. Muslim women do, too, but you said "Hebrew," so I'm assuming Jewish since that's what you said.

It sounds very odd to me, that she would dessert a lot of people without giving any clue that she was changing her lifestyle. I hope she's not in some sort of weird cult or something, but there's not a lot you can do about it, except try and stay in touch with her family members to try and find out what is going on with her.

You don't say how old she is, but since you raised your children together, I'm assuming they're adults now. Hopefully, one of them can shed light on this for you.

She didn't leave her husband - OP

[ In Reply To ..]
I don't know if they are having any issues/concerns regarding it, because I don't think he is active in this religion like she is. Her kids are both teens, in college now. A couple of weeks ago I asked her out for lunch and she said she was going to do this dance in the park thing with some members of her church. I told her it sounded nice and I wouldn't mind coming along and she shut down on me and just started making excuses, saying I wouldn't like it. That's what is so confusing to me, because I have seen people who "find religion" and they are often so excited about it that they even tend to somewhat push it on to others and she seems more like she doesn't want me or other people around her involved.

Sounds rather bizarre - see msg

[ In Reply To ..]
Sounds so bizarre. If you had only known her for a couple of months or something, then I'd say you didn't know her. But you've known her and been in contact with her for years.

Is she a person to have some emotional/mental issues to begin with? Like depression, delusions? Some people who are sort of "on the edge" take the next step and it puts them over the edge. Like, if she's searching for something to help herself, she might do something desperate and rash if she thinks it will help her.

FYI: I don't find it bizarre that someone finds a new religion. It's bizarre that she has felt the need to cut those close to her out of her life.

And I agree--with some religions where someone switches over (like a born-again's), the person is so enthusiastic, they're a royal pain in the butt and insist others go over to their side.

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