A community of 30,000 US Transcriptionist serving Medical Transcription Industry
Do I tell my friend her kid is a thief??
Posted: Feb 1, 2010
My boy was invited to his cousin's B-day party over the weekend. I invited my friend's son to join my boy so he wouldn't be the only boy at the party, since this was basically an all-girl party. (My boy is 9, the other is 7).
We were only at my brother's place for a few minutes when "Billy" went right to my brother's wallet and started going thru it. I said, "Hey, get out of there, you don't go into people's wallets." He said he needed money for video games. I put my brother's wallet away and left it at that. Now today, as I was cleaning out my car, I realized that the few quarters I had in my change tray in the back seat were missing. We're only talking 50 cents here, but I know for a FACT that Billy took the money.
Now I know to just not leave anything out of value that he could pocket the next time I'm around him, but if my child had these tendencies I surely would want to know. Do I tell her or just let it go?
;
you do not know he took the change unless he was seen. Only tell her - he felt free to roam through wallet. nm
[ In Reply To ..]nm
I do know he took the change - XanaX
[ In Reply To ..]The money was in the holder when I opened the back door and he got in the car. He was the only one in the back seat all weekend. My boy now tells me Billy said, "You have money back here." The money which is now missing. 2 plus 2 does equal 4. I hadn't even thought of mentioning to his mother the wallet incident until I realized the money was gone.
I really like this girl as a friend and she has plenty enough going on in her life, so I truly probably won't open this can of worms -- I'll just be aware of valuables around her child.
I know this kid is troubled. A couple of weeks ago when we went over to their house, as soon as we got there, he yells out to my boy, "Hey Tommy, wanna have sex?" We looked at each other in stunned amazement, when he then repeated his request. His mother's jaw was on the floor, she asked, "What did you say?" He replies, "SEX! I'm asking him if he wants to have sex!" I told her that maybe this would be a good time for them to go have a talk, which they did. He said he was informed by a boy at school it was a sign of affection, like a hug.
The kid's a little messed up. The mom says she likes having my boy around hers cuz he is depressed and needs a friend, but I don't know how much help we really can be.
Nonetheless, he did take the money.
taking the change - oldone
[ In Reply To ..]I would be as concerned about him asking your son if he wanted to have sex as I would be about the money. Sounds like the child needs some guidance. He appears to be too young to understand what sex is but what is the mother letting him hear/see/do? I hate that the child is depressed. I think that is so sad; however, how are you going to handle it if his actions are seen as okay by your son and your son starts talking inappropriately? This is a sticky situation. I feel for you.
there is no threat of my son acting up like this - XamaX
[ In Reply To ..]Oh goodness, my little one is just as shocked by this bad behavior as I am. He does not see this this kid's actions as acceptable. We both still laugh about his first sexual proposition. We have a running family joke now which very simply goes, "Hey, Tommy..." Then we both chuckle remembering what Billy said. No, my little one and I are tight, very close communciation, which I think comes from working at home and me having all the time in the world for my gem of a boy... worry not, we're really good.
No threat - oldone
[ In Reply To ..]You sound like a really concerned Mom. I have grandsons 6 and 3. My daughter and her husband are great with them. Now that you have brought up a prolem like this, think I'll ask them what they would do. (Now you've got me really interested in how to handle this situation.) It's been a long time since I actively parented and I never had the problems you have had with the little boy who steals money. Good luck on this. I feel sorry for the child but still not sure that he is gettng much supervision at home.
There are ways of sending a message "between the lines". - sm - Zircon
[ In Reply To ..]You can tactfully sow the seeds of doubt in the mother without coming out and blaming her son. If she's reasonably intelligent, she should pick up on it.
For example:
A number of years ago my landlord bought his son a 4-wheeled ATV. Its gas tank held exactly 5 gallons of gas. The rule was the boy had to pay for the gas himself by doing odd jobs. He was about 15 at the time. He and his friends rode it out in the field next door, and had a blast. They rode it constantly. I wondered how they could afford all that gas?
Meanwhile, back then I had a long commute and did a lot of driving. I bought gas frequently. My truck held exactly 20 gallons in its tank. So, imagine my surprise when I'd go to the gas station on my way home in the evening, and park my truck with a full tank, and then the next morning the fuel gauge would show only 3/4 of a tank (15 gallons), even though it registered "Full" the night before. It happened on several occasions, and yet didn't happen if it was parked somewhere else overnight, so I knew I wasn't imagining things.
The landlord's kid was basically a nice, decent kid, just not the sharpest tool in the shed. His friends, however, were for the most part losers.
So... how to bring up the subject with the landlord? What I did was, time a walk out to my truck at the same time the landlord was watering the shrubbery. I got in the truck, looked "perplexed", and said "Huh! Now THAT'S weird!" right when he was close enough to hear.
Then I told him I thought maybe something was wrong with my fuel gauge, because it appeared to be off by 5 gallons. "How can you tell it's off by 5 gallons?" he asks. So then I told him that for a couple weeks, I'd fill my truck and THINK it was full, and the gauge would say it was full, but then in the morning it would say something different. "Isn't there some kind of a sensor in the tank that registers how much fuel you have?" I asked. "Maybe that needs replacing. I guess I better go make an appointment at the Ford dealership before it gets any worse."
Then I just carried on with other things, and left him to process the conversation. I never ONCE said I suspected anyone of stealing it. Obviously, he figured out the strange, 5-gallon "coincidence" after he thought about it some more. Once he did, he must've had a little talk with his son about siphoning gas out of other people's cars, because it NEVER happened again.
You might be saving him from jail time when older - GA MT
[ In Reply To ..]I certainly would tell her. If he has these "skills" at this age, he will only continue to develop them, and hopefully instead of being offended that you told her, she will try to curtail his bad traits. Sounds like a kid that's used to getting everything he wants when he wants it.
my 6 yo is trying to find her moral compass these days - some kids try to manipulate things earlier
[ In Reply To ..]I think if you use words like "thief" and "stealing" your friend could stop being your friend. Some kids are not as sensitive to the teachings or directions of adults, or simply having an undeveloped sense of right and wrong coupled with a personal agenda cause them to ignore the teachings of adults in their lives. I don't think a 7 yo has a clear idea of right and wrong. There is still too much self-centered thinking. They still use their imagination to create life to benefit them. I think you would be better off to talk one-on-one with the boy and tell him what he did was wrong, explain why, and tell him your rules. If he choses to spend time with your family, he needs to follow these rules. If not, he will need to be visually monitored like someone younger than his age, or have limited access to your home/family. Kids are not born automatically knowing these kinds of rules. Once they are introduced, the rules need to be reinforced consistently. My daughter is not a bad child even though she is testing the adults in her life to find out what she can get away with. She is manipulating us to suit her needs. It is my responsibility to think outside of herself and about how her actions affect others. I expect the other grownups she spends time around to have a similar influence on her if she tries that with them. The whole "it taks a village" kind of approach is needed for my dd. We are on week 4 of this lesson and she has good and bad days. Her bad days are made worse when in the presence of someone she feels is vulnerable to her manipulations (ex., her grandfather who has a noodle for a spine).
If you see this child as a thief (strong word for a 7 yo IMHO), then maybe he shouldn't be visiting with you until he has a better moral compass...
I would tell the mother exactly - Ann
[ In Reply To ..]what the boy did and what he said, since clearly he felt that he was justified in stealing money because he "needed it for video games." He has obviously had no moral training. I would tell the mother, then stay as far away from her and the thief as possible. If he had no problem being seen stealing and then made a statement indicating he felt entitled to take someone else's money, his upbringing has clearly led him to believe this. I would not consider a family like that to be suitable acquaintances for my children, and I would not care to associate with parents who raised such a child. You deserve better friends. Don't waste your time and energy with these people. They are not worth it.
I would tell her - OCD
[ In Reply To ..]I would start by telling her what you actually witnessed, the wallet incident, and then go into the change in the car. I agree with you that he took the change .. circumstantial evidence has put more than one person behind bars .. but it will be a more credible charge coming on the heels of an actual witnessed event.
Be brief and to the point. Don't get into into the whys and wherefores and what she should do about it, and if she denies or gets defensive... don't bite. Just present the facts and tell her.... "I thought you should know." And then exit stage left.
What I would not do is talk to her son yourself, one-on-one. That will be a can of worms I believe you will regret opening. (Think of what might happen when he goes back and tells his mommy what you said to him, which likely will not be an accurate accounting of the conversation). No need to complicate the situation any more than it is .. keep it simple and fact based. It is not your job, no matter how crap of a job his own mother is doing, to teach and guide her child.
Be prepared to lose the friendship, but that might not be such a bad thing right now. If not, you already know what to do when this boy is around... and I would keep "this boy around" as infrequently as possible.
Good luck.
Similar Messages:
My Best FriendDec 27, 2010
I just need to unload some of this now. My best friend, Jane (whom I have literally know since kindergarten) had a serious bout of depression about two months ago. She called me one evening telling me she had a meltdown at work. She told me at that time she was suicidal. I asked if she had a plan. She said she did. That terrified me, and I talked to her that night on the phone urging her to get help. She did just that. She is now seeing a therapist ...
I Can't Seem To Let My Friend Help MeDec 10, 2010
I have a wonderful friend who happens to have a husband worth millions. I live quite far below poverty level. I'm a single mom and I do make ends meet, bills are paid, child is happy, we truly do have everything we need. My car is paid for and I easily manage my tiny mortgage. Here's the thing -- a couple of months ago part of my tooth broke away from the filling and I really need dental care (of course, I have no insurance). My dear friend insists on ...
Friend Needs HelpApr 04, 2011
I have a friend who is dire need of some kinds of help, and I don't know what to suggest for him. He's a guy in his late 50's, and a few weeks ago he had a terrible bike accident. It was nighttime, he was in the city, and he hit some kind of a curb or a barrier, and went flying. He was pretty sure he dislocated his hip, and sprained both wrists. The problem is that he's currently unemployed, and has no health insurance. Apparently he was alone when i ...
Bad FriendJun 10, 2010
I have been so wrapped up, so busy with work, sick husband, grandchild and more work, that I completely FORGOT my friend's daughter's high school graduation. I mean, I absolutely forgot. I don't know what to say to her. I feel so bad. What should I do? ...
Looking For An Old FriendApr 19, 2012
Trying to reconnect with my old friend, Anne Newbould - can anybody help? Thanks. ...
Friend With OCDMay 24, 2013
Hi all, One of hubby's co-workers has OCD, by her own admission. Hubby and I have come to enjoy her and her husban'd company socially, as they're quite fun, but she drives us all nuts. Her mouth doesn't stop talking, and it's not just normal talking. Everything that happens is a spiral downhill of some sort of tragedy. Her dog was constipated, so he has a tumor in his bowel; her husband had dark circles under his eyes, so he ate too much bacon (?!!). A lot of it (like t ...
Could You All Pray For My FriendFeb 21, 2012
in a very bad car wreck, evidently fell asleep on the way home from work. Car is totaled and her husband said "she's alive" but just barely. Thank you all in advance. Her name is Lisa ...
A Friend Posted This On FB And W/ What We SeeFeb 05, 2012
There is a factory in Essex which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Shelley is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. ... He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line ...
My Friend Just Went Into HospiceJan 11, 2012
Please pray for my friend and past transcriptionist. She started out with breast cancer 5 years ago and is now in hospice care. The cancer has metastasized to her lungs, liver, and bones. Her attitude is very upbeat, but she knows this will ultimately defeat her. Thank you to all who care. ...
My Friend Who Has CancerSep 15, 2011
Please pray for my friend Gina, who is in her early 50s and has inoperable lung cancer metastasized to the bone. She has decided against treatment so she can have a good quality of life in her remaining days. ...
Send This To A FriendDec 30, 2009
http://s300.photobucket.com/albums/nn35/qash2/?action=view¤t=31.jpg (it's the picture on the right) ...
Media Are NOT Your Friend!May 04, 2011
1991 Gulf War. CNN correspondent Charles Jaco is "reporting live from Saudia Arabia." Or IS HE?!! If you still believe media are telling you the truth -- about ANYTHING -- after watching this, then I truly feel sorry for you. ...
A Note About DT From A Friend In NYSep 19, 2016
we have something called star..a reduction on property tax, (not a lot..but I'm not proud.)there is an income limit..$500,000...and then there is no eligibility! He was granted star twice in 2014( I think that may have been the year)..he said it was a clerical error...pure fantasy! He had to have applied for it, and then the city checks out the application, and then, in this case..he was granted the star credit! He had to show less than $500,000 income!! ...
BF Best Friend Is A WomanJun 18, 2010
Really I have never felt so insecure about anything like this before. I'm usually the laid back person. I was cheated on in my last relationship and I think that changed everything for me. Anyways, I have been seeing this guy and we are about to move in together on the 22nd actually. His best friend is a girl. In fact he has had this friend for so long, even through his ex-wife. His best friend never liked his ex. I really have never met this woman ...
My Friend Has Been In A Relationship With ManJun 24, 2010
My friend has been in a relationship with a man who is about ten years older than herself for about a year or so. They live together. He works for an employer who has offered to pay for him and the rest of the employees of the small, all male staff, to go on a cruise. She is a bit miffed at the thought of him cruising without her, so she has decided to go on a trip upstate for a week by herself. Neither one of them are the 'fooling around' types, she is just mad that he gets a cru ...
Losing My FriendMay 12, 2012
Last July I posted about my friend, Fran. She had been taken to the hospital with an infection, then underwent open heart surgery followed by a long list of compications. She had insulin dependent diabetes since she was five years of age. Fran never made it home from the hospital, and spent many months in a nursing home. Today I got the call that she died Friday morning. Although I am thankful her suffering is at an end, I am feeling so empty and t ...
Please Pray For My FriendMay 15, 2012
Please pray for my friend Cathy, she broke her femur a couple of days ago. She has dizzy spells but the doctors claim they don't know why. She has broken her hip, wrist and pelvis over a ten year time span. Now she is in the hospital and can't walk. She is about 62 years of age. Please pray for a speedy recovery and a miracle. thank you ...
Former Friend Being Ridiculous. So I Log OntoAug 23, 2012
a social network (lol since I cannot say the name). Supposed friend posts if you are voting for blah blah, get off my friend list now. So I did! So then he comes back and says that is not what he said. Ummm yes it is. Thousands saw it. Anyway, I just think he is being ridiculous to want to lose friends because of who they are voting for. First time he said anything to me via PM, he said blah candidate? Really? I said yes. I am not stupi ...
The Liberals Best Friend, (sm)May 04, 2013
said Obama would still be a community organizer if he had been busted for pot. LOL - I wish he had been. He was better qualified for that job. ...
Getting Nervous About Friend's SonJun 30, 2016
Have not heard from my friend about her son or whether her son survived the surgery. Got a bad feeling. She is so good to contact me. I was supposed to go to doctor today out of town and my car gave me fits. Well, now car repairs but not till next week. Hate that everything seems to happen on a holiday. I hope things finally settle down for me about finances and car repairs and health soon. I also hope I am wrong about my friend's son. I hope I hear soon. ...
My Friend's Son (update)Jul 15, 2016
My friend doesn't want me to go into detail, but her son is going to have a long rehab and she is not hopeful that he will be back to normal if at all. He has had four surgeries and can finally whisper (has a trach). They can't stay with him. Doctors and nurses think he will rest better if they are not there so much. His mother has lost ten pounds from not eating and not sleeping well. A woman T-boned him on his motorcycle and he flew across her car and landed on his back. Plea ...
Lost A FriendJan 14, 2014
I wonder if this has happened to anyone? I really need to vent about this, so if this long, sorry. Last year about June, my best friend moved across country. We used to be close like sisters. In fact, she often considered me her sister. I was her only female friend in this part of the country. She had been through so much with me. It was the kind of relationship that if we didn't speak for a couple of months or so, one of us would call and it was like we had spoken just yesterday. ...
I Miss My FriendJan 29, 2014
I have a best friend since grade school, on into adulthood, raised our children together, etc. About six months ago she adopted a new religion (I'm not sure if she is now Jewish, if that is the correct term?) but she has completely distanced herself from me and everyone we knew, including some of her family and is only involved in her new religious friends. It is so strange that she has made a 100% transformation, she is learning Hebrew, wearing head scarves and only dresses, I ...
Prayers For A Friend's SonJun 29, 2016
Please pray for my friend's son. He had a motorcycle accident and was knocked unconscious. He is in surgery right now to have something fixed in his spinal column I think. I hope he won't be paralyzed or anything like that. Thanks all. ...
Prayers For My Friend DMar 05, 2015
I spent all last night with my friend consoling her over her many stressors. She lost her job of many years due to cutbacks at the hospital. She very recently lost her mother. Her children are grown, but still have not grown up, getting into various subtance abuses and losing their livelihood. She takes all these on herself, and her husband is not very supportive. Please pray that she gets a job very, very soon and makes her feel productive again, and help suppo ...
Prayers For FriendMar 12, 2015
Not a good time for my friend. Her sister-in-law had a hysterectomy and developed MRSA. She is a TERRIFIC amount of pain and it seems the doctor who performed the surgery and the hospital don't really care. I told them to try the patient advocate. Now, more stress. Last night, my friend's family in St. Louis were struck with the most horrible thing. They were at a park and got into a disagreement with another family. They loaded up in their va ...
My Friend's GranddaughterJul 14, 2015
and this was posted on their website: Dear Parents that have children that will be entering third grade, PLEASE do not stress out over the supply list. If you would like to bring in things throughout the year instead of at the beginning that would be fine! We understand it can get over-whelming! To paraphrase "W" " Is our children learning from these folks?" ...
A Friend Asked Me The Other Day....Oct 07, 2016
She said I have a strange question to ask you, and now don't laugh. But, a lot of my friends and neighbors are stockpiling food and water. Are you doing that? Should I be doing that? After reading the below documents, news reports, and my peers' comments on this page, my answer is ABSOLUTELY! The question is now, when will we need it, what will be the circumstances. It is so odd. I have been writing a novel for about 5 years now (yeah, need to ...
Good Friend Going Through An UnexpectedFeb 18, 2012
Two of my BFFs from high school came to visit me yest afternoon. We hadn't seen each other in person for 20-some years, but it was like we'd never been apart. That makes my heart very happy. The reason we visited Did Not. Matt's wife kicked him out when he got home from being on this coast (I'm East, he's West) after he was here w/ his mom who was having recurrent strokes. After she booted him, he went to his tax guy out there, trynig to tie ...
A Dear Friend Has DiedDec 25, 2009
I've been going to Alcoholic's Anonymous and have been sober for amost 9 years. During that time, we've been fortunate enough not to lose any of our members to death. Last week, a good friend, Earl S., died. He was in his early 80's and he and his wife were raising the 2 male grandchiildren that their mother did not want due to her drug habit. His wife is holding up for now but the business will stop and the loneliness will set in. Please keep Earl and Fra ...