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Deal breaker

Posted: Jan 26, 2010

I have been dating my BF for about a month and a half. He's stayed at my place a few times. This weekend for the first time I stayed at his place and it was a disaster! He has dogs, I knew this. He always has fur on his clothes...

I am not a big fan of pets, especially untrained, bad pets and his dogs jumped all over me, were all over the furniture, begged for food, BUT when we went to sleep, THEY GOT IN BED WITH US! IN BETWEEN US!

He knew I was NOT happy with it and kept trying to get them off, but apparently they are used to running the household.

I stuck it out, but in the morning couldn't even wash the "dirty dog" feeling off in the shower. I went home washed up and washed all my clothes, vacuumed my car. The thing is, I didn't like that at all. It was a real turn off. I LIKE this guy, but am not even going to compromise when it comes to animals.

I have talked to him, but he seems to think we can "work it out". I don't. I am not trying to be cruel, but MY apartment is immaculate. No dust, no fur... I like it that way.

Anyone have any similar experiences? What did you do? What would you do?

;

pt mt - Cat lover

[ In Reply To ..]
I know that I wouldn't like a relationship with someone who didn't like my cats just as much as I do.

Leave. Tell him tho you appreciate him thinking you can work it out, you're just not in to animals and that's that.
Who knows, maybe YOU'LL come around.

People who own pets are happier. Fur in the house comes with the territory. It's not a big deal if you keep on top of it, but you certainly can't keep a house "immaculate" if you own a pet!

good luck!

I agree with cat lover. When I was - dating, if the person s/m

[ In Reply To ..]
was not an animal lover and accepted all that comes with having animals as part of the family, then forget it. My animals are family to me, and I would never ever compromise that for a man. Just move on, you will never work it out. He needs someone who will love his dogs, and I think you need a like-minded person as well. This issue could become a very big deal in the future if you stayed together. Better to move on now before you are more emotionally involved.

deal breaker - onewhoknows

[ In Reply To ..]
Dogs can be trained. Dogs can be groomed. Men, despite what my mother tries to tell me, CAN be taught to vacuum and use a lint brush (my own hubby does!). My husband and I used to allow our dogs to sleep in bed with us, which I know creeps a lot of people out, but after sleepless nights due to dogs changing positions and one of our dogs developing some aggression issues, we sought the help of a professional trainer and now both dogs sleep in crates or in their OWN beds next to our bed. It didn't take very long to train them to do that either, maybe a week tops. Most bad manners can be taken care of with a good trainer and consistency on the part of the owner. Regular grooming will help keep the shedding and fur accumulation down, and your boyfriend will probably also need to comb and brush his dogs between groomings on a very regular basis.

If you really care about him, which only you know if you really do or not, then maybe give the guy a chance to prove that he cares about you by seeking some professional help in the form of a good dog trainer and a good groomer. I'm a bit of a neat freak myself, and yes, my dogs shed, but I love them enough to deal with the shedding and the realization that I burn out vacuums every 6-8 months. No, your house, or his, will not ever be 100% spotless with pets in it, but again, if you care about him, there should be some compromise on both sides.

Be prepared for him to say it's a deal breaker, too. - Happy MT Robin

[ In Reply To ..]
Clearly the way he is living doesn't bother him, and he loves his dogs. I would try to state your objections/issues/wants, but be prepared for nothing much to change. If you can live with that, great, but if not . . . . . .

Whatever you do, don't make him choose between you and the dogs. If he chooses the dogs, you lose, and if he chooses you, you still lose, because he'll always resent that in the back of his mind.

I know from the standpoint of being a pet owner, my cats and I are a package deal. Yes, I would make some concessions were I to have a bed partner, but there are some things that anyone coming into my house would have to deal with, such as cat hair pretty much all over the place (but I would try harder to keep up with it). And yes, I'm single, and no, I don't wonder why any more. ;=)

It's been a month and a half. - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
cut your losses.

You don't know this guy that well, apparently. He loves his dogs, and that is not going to change.

I love dogs, and have dogs, but they are well behaved and do what they are told.

Cut out.

Your put off by his dog would be my excuse to - take leave

[ In Reply To ..]
I have cats and no one would come in between my furry friends and myself. I even do rescuing. Husband may not like, but hey get over it. I love it and continue on with it.

My brother had a GF like your BF. Nice person and - everything, but - (sm) - Zircon

[ In Reply To ..]
that is a personality trait that is too ingrained to change. Same as yours. It's a perfect example of an "irreconcilable difference". He would never be happy without the dogs, or even restricting their whereabouts in the house. You would never be happy living with them.

I would be kind, and honest, when you finally decide to discuss your differences. You could still be friends, but I see no way on earth you could live together.

My brother was on the verge of marrying the GF with the dogs. Like your BF's dogs, they ran the household and were for the most part untrained. My brother had already had some poor experiences with dogs (neighbor's dog barking non-stop, 24/7, for something like 10 years!), and he was really more of a cat-person. Had they made the mistake of marrying, it would have ended in divorce shortly after. I was so glad when he decided to call it off! And amazingly, he had a GF before that one that was the same way about her dogs. Granted, there's nothing wrong with that, but the only way to have a good relationship is to find someone who is as crazy about dogs as they are.

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