Thank you, Nikki . . . . I enjoy your posts! LOL - emanon

What a beautiful message, emanon. Thank you. (nm) - Nikki

Agreed. Happy holidays everyone! - NJ

I'll drink (ginger ale) to that!! (nm) - Nikki

Happy holidays to you too Nikki (no bad feelings here) - darlene

Thanks, Darlene. Back atcha! (nm) - Nikki

You too Nikki - but nobody hates you - anon - see message

Please see message. - Nikki

Hi Nikki - please see my reply. - anon

Anon - Please see my reply. - Nikki

Wow! I understand totally what you are talking about regarding celebrating Christmas. I'm an only child, and both my parents died when I was in my 30s.

I always celebrated Christmas with my daughter, but it was just the two of us after my parents died, and usually, her father took her for a while on Christmas Day, but not long enough for me to feel lonely and depressed.

Then my daughter moved out west, and I was alone, and I, too, never celebrated Christmas, never even got a tree (my favorite thing), because I was very depressed that I was alone and couldn't be with them. So I understand what you're talking about. (((Hugs))). I never found a cure for it, but at least your DH is there, and I would hope that's a help.

I moved to live with my daughter almost four years ago, and I so enjoyed watching my grandkids open their presents, the tree, the family, etc., although there were a LOT of people at her house, and that made me somewhat uneasy - enough that I went downstairs to my room rather early when the people began to arrive, but that was long after the kids had opened their presents.

I moved to a new apartment in September and have one friend and one friend/stalker. 

My friend is a lady I met when I was taking my dog outside and she was taking hers outside.  She has an adorable little cocker spaniel that's up in years, and we both share the problem of our dogs barking their heads off if we try to leave the apartment, so we have to take them with us wherever we go. I've doggie-sat her dog while she went shopping, and he is a little sweetheart, good as gold, not a peep. He and my dog get along really well.

I invited my friend over for Thanksgiving, and she invited some guy I had never met. I think he has a little crush on her, and he asked her what she was doing for Thanksgiving. Next thing she knew, she blurted out an invitation to him, and then she called me and asked if it was all right. She apologized profusely, but I told her it was okay, no problem, the more the merrier. (I'm extremely agoraphobic and am NOT GOOD around a lot of people or people I don't know, so that was an outright lie.  LOL)  She said he asked if there would be alcohol here. I told her to tell him the closest thing I had to alcohol was ale, but it was ginger. It turned out to be a very nice Thanksgiving, though, with my new, "alternate family." I had offered them some leftovers to take home, but they both declined. He left very briefly (to check on his daughter's cats), and when he came back, he had a container in his hand, asking for some stuffing to take home, saying it was the best stuffing he ever tasted. (It's hard to dislike someone who praises your homemade stuffing!)

Regarding the friend/stalker, she was the first person I met after I moved into the building.  She stopped by my apartment shortly after Thanksgiving to ream my butt about not saying hello to her in the hall (I didn't see/hear her), and four hours later, after I talked her down and we were "buds" again, she mentioned that she "wouldn't have any food until tomorrow," so I fixed her up a hefty plate of Thanksgiving leftovers and gave her half a jar of instant coffee. She drives me nuts and is always walking the halls muttering to herself and/or arriving at my door, saying things like, "If I'm not good enough to be here, then I'll move." I obviously have no idea what she's talking about, but I feel sorry for her and don't want to hurt her feelings. I actually felt good giving her that food because she obviously needed it. She quotes astrology to me, informing me that we both were born under signs that mean we're very sensitive. (I, for one, am! LOL) I sometimes wonder how she can be so astute in describing people when she often walks around as if she hasn't a clue, but there's something about her that makes me want to be nice to her and to help and defend her.

Regarding "turning everything off," I can soooooooo relate to that. Sometimes I take a break from the board (and the TV and newspapers) for a few days because I'd rather be "ignorant" in my "bliss." LOL.

Sorry for the length of this, but I can so relate to how you feel, and I hope you got a chuckle or two from reading it. What's important, I guess, is where your heart is, and you've made it crystal clear that it's with your family. I hope that soon your heart will be smiling again. Thanks so much for sharing your story.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you too! - Viking fan nut

What a beautiful post! Thank you. (sm) - Nikki

If you don't mind my focusing on one issue in your post, I'm sure you believe in hell after your experience with your grandfather.  My grandfather was very kind and loving, a very serious man, definitely the patriarch of the family.  Thirty-seven years ago, he suffered a heart attack in his 80s.  He, too, had been unconscious for a while, and when he regained consciousness, he told the story of seeing a tunnel, beautiful garden, etc. -- the same near-death-experiences I've heard repeated by others over the years.  He died a few days later.

My uncle became very ill and was about to die. He was visited by my aunt one morning, and he told her my dad was just there to see him.  She called me when she got home and was pretty shocked and upset because my father had died a year earlier, and she didn't tell my uncle that my dad had died. (My uncle had some mental/emotional  issues, and she didn't want to upset him, since my dad and uncle didn't see very much of each other, anyway.)

I've never heard anything about hounds nipping at someone's feet, but your story about your grandfather reminds me very much of what happened to the bad guys in "Ghost."  So if an exquisitely beautiful scene can be seen and remembered by dying patients, why wouldn't the opposite be true, as well?

Sorry to sway off topic, but this is a very fascinating subject to me.

I don't know how ANYONE could muster up "love" for bin Laden and his crew. The sad thing is they think they're going to get all kinds of the "goodies" of Jihad if they kill us and themselves. I'm truly so imperfect that I could never pity these terrorists, and I definitely could never forgive them. Yet another terror attempt was made yesterday, on Christmas, with an Al Qaeda terrorist having a bomb on a plane with the intent to blow it up. On the news, they said it was a very sophisticated weapon. (I'm not clear on the rest of the story because I just heard it briefly on TV yesterday.)

I'm not as happy with Obama as I was in the beginning of his presidency. I keep reminding myself that he has four years to accomplish things and that I should give him a chance, which I'm trying to do. I'm in dire need of health insurance and can't afford it. I would have loved the opportunity to buy into either Medicare or Medicaid, but it looks like that won't happen now. It seems the biggest winners in healthcare "reform" are the insurance companies. If I find that this plan makes it just as impossible for me to pay into one, then I'm not going to like him very much. Based on my own personal situation with a chronic genetic illness, healthcare reform is a very important issue to me. I, too, wish people would be more kind on here. If we're angry, we should direct that anger at the politicians we're upset with, not at each other.

I'm so sorry to hear about your depression. It can be a very debilitating disease. I hope you're getting some help for it. I hear there are new and very good drugs on the market that can really make a difference. I think if I saw low-flying planes before an attack of that magnitude, I'd be depressed, as well as all the people who had family and/or friends who were killed or wounded during the attack. Also, if you're frightened and worried for the country, that, too, could probably bring it on.

Again, thanks for a fantastic post. You've proven with much kindness that we can disagree without being disagreeable.

I hope that you and your family and friends had a wonderful Christmas and holiday and that your New Year will be much better than the last.

Thank you for the blessings, and I offer the same in return. :-)