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i have cancer

Posted: Sep 24, 2011

I consider this my MT community. I feel we have a sense of sisterhood here.

Renal cell carcinoma. What I thought was bouts of kidney stones for the last year has been a massive tumor growing on my left kidney. CT scan reveals a left lower pole renal mass measuring 10 x 7 cm. I am scheduled for left nephrectomy on Friday, but hopefully sooner.

Knowing this thing is growing inside me is horrible. I am handling it very calmly, which is surprising even to me. I am a single mom. My 11-year-old boy is the sweetest kid who ever graced the Earth. I am keeping him informed of every step we are going through on this adventure.

In the last 48 hours, since learning the diagnosis, I have taken care of every aspect of my life. My boy will be staying with my brother, whose daughter is in the same grade, and he will be able to catch the bus from their house. My sweet neighbor man-friend down the road will be taking my dogs. My cat will be staying at the shelter at which I do volunteer work. My neighbors will be collecting my mail. My very wealthy friend gave me $2000 to pay all of my bills for the next 2 months.

It amazes me how all of my support system has really stepped up to help me alleviate all stressors I could possibly have to deal with.

It is my understanding this is a major surgery and I will have to be in the hospital for at least a week. If I have to undergo chemo and radiation, that will be a much longer period of recovery and illness.

I have to beat this. I HAVE TO SURVIVE THIS. I am the strongest woman I know. I am really scared. Please say a little prayer for me, Marianne.

;

prayer - voot

[ In Reply To ..]
Marianne, I am praying for you and your son. Keep looking to God for strength.

I can do ALL things through Christ, who strengthens me! - Renee

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nm

Thoughts and prayers - R.E.

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Marianne, I read your post, and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I feel in my heart you will get through this challenge, and I will imagine you surrounded by protective white light through your surgery and successful recovery. All the best, R.

Marianne, my prayers are with you. May you feel (sm) - rose

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God's presence surrounding you at all times.

May this musical blessing help you. Remember, you are not alone because God never leaves us or forsakes us.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAZ33bX-NK4&feature=related

Thank you - Sharing

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Marianne, Thank you for sharing. My hubby goes for surgery on Monday for lung cancer. I too am frightened and wondering how to cope. You put it all all on the line and give me food for thought.... Our children are older. My sincere best wishes for you.

I have cancer too - Trampled underfoot

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I had melanoma diagnosed in July and I know how you feel. I found myself in a haze, thinking "I have cancer. I have cancer." The words are hard to wrap your head around. Things turned out to be much better than I had feared, but I know how it feels to have the rug yanked out from under your feet.

I prayed a lot and found real peace. I had been making myself crazy looking at statistics until I decided SOME people beat this. Why shouldn't I be one of them?

You too should be one of them. You are young and strong and have a lot to live for. You WILL be a survivor.

You are in my prayers.

Just got my own biopsy results back not too long ago - Nameless1

[ In Reply To ..]
After a year of battling insurance companies, having not only my primary care but the surgeon leaning towards malignancy, I know the fear you're speaking of, Marianne. My mind was constantly racing about what I should be doing to prepare for the worst case scenario. My daughter is an adult, in college, with a wonderful fiance but, we're best friends. I didn't know how she'd manage without me. I, too, kept her as informed as possible without scaring her too badly until the biopsy was performed. I wondered about my husband and who would take care of him (he doesn't have any real friends, his mother lives her own life, his brother is in another state and they aren't close at all). Without benefit of a diagnosis, my own MOTHER called me one day to ask if when "the time comes," if she could have my beloved little chihuahua. I should have been more shocked but, this is my mother, the woman who raised me, so leave it to her to find a heartbreaking reminder of what was likely going to be in store for me in the near future.

The only escape I had was work, something I could totally immerse myself in and shut out the screaming thoughts inside my own brain. I was making great money for a few months, lemme tell you. I couldn't sleep and literally worked about 20 hours a day, taking breaks only long enough to eat, take my medication and spend a little time with my husband and dog. Luckily for me, at that time, I was on an account that was just literally swamped with work 24/7 and a supervisor who knew what I was going through and let me work as much as I needed to.

I feel so, so badly for you, Marianne. With a new insurance company (and a new surgeon), my biopsy was finally done and the results were benign. I even looked at the report myself to make sure I hadn't misunderstood. I looked at the results, I looked at the scans. I walked out feeling as if the weight of the world had been lifted from my chest. I think I exhaled for the first time in a year.

I'm sending positive thoughts your way, Marianne...It's a nightmare and although I have been in a similar situation, I've not been in YOUR situation and I cannot imagine the hurdles you have ahead of you. Just take them one hurdle at a time and remember, anything and EVERYTHING is possible, and never allow yourself to give up hope and fall into a negative mindset. You have a lot stacked in your favor; use it to your advantage (youth, vitality, the love of your son, good medical care).

Don't look back, don't look down, don't look to either side...Just look forward and push forward. Remind yourself that you CAN overcome this and you WILL overcome this.

Hugs to you, my anonymous friend. May this all be but a distant memory in the near future for you.

~Hugs~

(((Marianne) - NDMT

[ In Reply To ..]
Your world has been shaken by your cancer diagnosis, but somehow you have found the inner resources to face this. You are not alone--you have good friends and family to count on and also your MT family to support you emotionally. You have done everything that you could to make sure that your little boy and pets are taken care of as well as the day-to-day things like bills. Now you must focus on *you* and getting better. My friend's husband was diagnosed with kidney cancer, and we were all shocked and scared, just as you are now. He had surgery to remove the kidney, and 12 years later he is cancer free. He did not have to have radiation or chemo, just went home and got back to living. I hope that will be the case for you, too, but even if you have to undergo chemo/radiation, you will do it. Crossing my fingers and praying that all will go smoothly.

My prayers are with you - Cindy

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May everything go well for you. Thanks for sharing your story. You probably helped a lot of people reading this to go to their doctor and get checked for that thing that has been bothering them. I am praying for you and your family and pets. May God be with you. God Bless.

From one mom to another - Jackie

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I am praying for you. My life is my children and my youngest daughter is 11. I am so glad you have family close by to help you out. I am praying for you and for your son. Take care of yourself and know that there are women all across the family praying for you. <3

Oops - Jackie

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That last sentence should have read "There are women all across the COUNTRY praying for you."

I always skip that edit thing when I enter my posts.

We are there for you. - JB

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We ARE your MT family and you will most definitely be kept in our prayers. My heart goes out to you and your son. Positive thinking plays a big role in our lives, so focus on your body healing, imagine it healing. I wish we could all be there to give you a big hug! Let us know how you are, we care :)

Breast Cancer Survivor here! - oaf

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You are in my thoughts. A support group is one of the big things I felt and it sounds like you have that. Take it one day at a time! We are all much stronger than we think. Check out homeopathics to go with regular chemo, radiation and surgery. Accupuncture helped me immensely as did the herbs they suggested to cut down on being sick through all the dang therapy. You are in my thoughts. It sounds like you are very strong and have a positive outlook. As I said one day at a time and one road bump at a time! I'm sending warm thoughts your way.... I think it is harder on we MTs because we hear about all of this every day which hits us harder, but knowledge is power and be sure to take your question list and use the internet for information too! God Bless. Hang in there!!

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