A community of 30,000 US Transcriptionist serving Medical Transcription Industry

advice about long-time friendship

Posted: Sep 15, 2010

I need some advice. I have been long-distance friends with someone for almost 40 years. I married and had kids, etc. She is single and having a rough time. She seems to always make terrible choices. Well, to cut to the chase - whenever I talked to her I have to screen what I say. If I tell her about the "good things" in my life she gets depressed and compares my life with hers. If I tell her about the "bad things" fights with hubby,illnesses etc - she goes around the bend worrying and wants to try to fix everything. Therefore, I really don't know what to talk about. You can just talk about the weather and how's your extended family so much. The other night she called and then I got an E-mail saying I was really rude to her. My husband was sitting there through the entire, albeit short, conversation and he didn't think I was rude. Over the years she has been in therapy and her Mom and brother were/are bipolar. She has a big heart and really cares about people - I just can't deal with her mood swings and if I say anything about them I'm afraid she'll really get in a state. I have enough nonsense in my life right now and just can't deal with it! any advice?

;

I would tell her just what you said in the post - Anne

[ In Reply To ..]
I know you said you were worried how she would react if you tell her, BUT she has already reacted badly to you trying to "take it easy on her" so maybe you should just tell her that you don't know HOW to confront her. You aren't sure whether to talk about the good times, the bad times or just no times, because you want HER happy and healthy.

Maybe the friendship has run its course and time to move on - lindawordlady

[ In Reply To ..]
A friendship should be one of unconditional love, no strings put on it. I have lost 2 long-term friends over the years myself. One was pretty much like the one you describe. At one point in my life when I was severely depressed and thinking of taking my life, she offered no support at all, just basically "quit feeling sorry for myself." I was floored. I can't begin to tell you the times we got together and talked on the phone and IM'd and shared so much. I thought she was a friend, but, guess it was just on her terms!!! I have never spoken to her since she told me to basically "buck up" and that was 5 years ago.

Another person whom I would describe as my best friend for 15 years, is pretty much non-existant for the last 2 years. She has a busy life and no time to fit me it. We were like sisters, and for that I feel just sad, but I do know that we either grow together or grow apart and that is just life. Even though it has been 40 years, you have to ask yourself what are you getting out of this friendship? It should be love, support no matter what and uplifting. That is my opinion and I wish you well. Don't let anyone take you down because they are.

Why not just ask her about her life and let her do - LoriMT

[ In Reply To ..]
all the talking. Just listen to her. You don't have to tell her about her poor choices because she probably already knows she has made poor choices. You don't really have to offer her advise at all unless she asks for it. Just listen to her and let her know you are there for her.

friend - magsnfla

[ In Reply To ..]
Well, your husband wouldn't tell you if you were rude, would he? I agree with the poster who said maybe the friendship has run its course - sounds like it's been dead for awhile, so why not give it a proper burial? If you dread her calls and have nothing to say, you both need to move on.

Similar Messages:

Feb 16, 2016
Every one of them has serious flaws, either of character, personality, world view, experience, or philosophy - and in most cases more than one of these - that I simply cannot stomach. In my experience, it's always a choice between the lesser of two evils, but this election cycle seems to have brought out a spectacularly miserable collection of candidates. And yes, Sanders and Trump supporters, I mean them too - or perhaps especially them too. It looks like I'll be sitting on my ...

Nov 18, 2016
the MSM and DNC is going to hit you with everything they've got. I have never seen a party so divided win anything, much less the White House, while retaining both houses of Congress and a preponderance of the state houses. Many of you don't deserve this win. Some of you so disliked the party’s presidential candidate that you threatened – and perhaps really did – vote for the opposition. Others chose to remain silent and distanced yourself predicting there would be a cata ...

Jan 25, 2010
Have a so-called friend who is very needy. I have gone above and beyond all limitations each time something happens to this person or anyone in her family. However, should I have a death, illness, etc., in my family and in one case a serious diagnosis of my own, there is never a phone call, visit, card, etc., this silence could go on for months until this person has a problem of her own. Not only does she call me with her bad news but hunts me down on my cell phone. The payoff was thi ...

Feb 13, 2012
I would like to ask what people think about my situation with someone whom I had considered to be a good friend. We've known each other for over 20 years, and worked together as MTs for a number of years. We've been to each other's homes for dinner and have done things together socially over the years. She's been a good friend to me, and helped me a lot when I was recovering from surgery on my ankle, for which she's been properly thanked many times.&nbs ...

Feb 11, 2017
for a complete and thorough investigation into Trump and Mike Flynn's ties to Russia. ...

Feb 12, 2014
http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/02/12/nagin-corruption-trial-katrina/5424035/ ...

May 08, 2017
I don't mean to seem unkind or anything, but would like your opinions. DH started a job 2 weeks ago. It's a boring you-know-what job, but I give him credit for sticking with it because he has quit so many jobs in the past due to boredom. This time financial wise he has no choice. So...I've been holding us together financially for the last 10 years. He has never had to work until recently. He got up, slept, did whatever he wanted to do whenever h ...

Mar 02, 2012
...

May 05, 2011
Don't know how this was done but it's funny. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGeKSiCQkPw&feature=youtu.be ...

Apr 06, 2010
http://www.evtv1.com/player.aspx?itemnum=6481 ...

Jan 21, 2017
Aren't there some that dont tear the pages, dont lift up the print if you move them? I dont want to use a highlighter, I only want little sticky flag tags on specific pages. I think you could write on them also, so I can put the verse on the sticky tag. Anyone? Thanks. ...

Oct 16, 2012
distinguished record and for his unworthy behavior in this campaign. From the N.Y. Times: "In a telephone interview, he said he was motivated to write the essay by “an accumulation” of Mr. Romney’s actions, like his comment about 47 percent of Americans and his decision to campaign with Donald Trump. Mr. De Vries said he was annoyed by Mr. Romney’s repeated references recently to his father as inspiration and influence on him. “I just don’t see it, ...

Oct 30, 2016
Doug Schoen dropped this bombshell on Fox this evening. He explained that it's a matter of governance and stability. In his view, Hillary Clinton would not be able to govern because of the ongoing slough of criminal investigations and likely indictment or indictments that would cripple a Clinton presidency at a time when the nation is in crisis both domestically and internationally. Anyone who's followed Schoen knows this is a very significant indicator of how the revival of Clinton ...

Sep 12, 2012
I had seen an old newspaper article called "Gridlock shows signs of thawing" by Robert Novak back in 2011 so I've been mainly focusing on finding info on gridlock and the effects on lawmaking, Congress and the Presidents in the past few days. I did compress the various articles I found, trying not to be partial to one side or the other. If you want to read it, I can post it tomorrow. ...

Oct 16, 2009
I work my butt off for practically pennies and our congress plays hooky? Basically they work 2-1/2 days a week? FIRE THEM ALL, DANG IT!!!!! THEY SUCK AT THEIR JOBS!!!! If you call it a job. Shows a picture of inside congress and guess what? NOT ONE PERSON AT WORK! Congress building empty and usually on Thursdays too. How much do they get paid to work 2-1/2 days a week. They do not even listen to the PEOPLE. Congress Plays Hooky on Fridays Despite ...

Jun 22, 2012
Good ol' United Corporations of America!! ...

Jul 19, 2016
If we haven't learned yet not to be drawn into the power struggl in which the parties seek to make us their political pawns, we must learn it now before it's too late. It's a more perilous world than we have ever known before, and perverts and liars cannot save this nation. #NEVER_PERVERTS_NEVER_LIARS ...

Oct 11, 2013
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INRV9Jvlkn8&feature=player_detailpage#t=2 ...

Mar 28, 2011
Ever since I moved, I get terrible seasonal allergies. I have a runny nose and am sneezy for weeks and weeks. My face itches, my ears itch, even my forehead itches!!! Anyone have any advice on how to help allergies???? ...

Mar 22, 2011
I was bored and decided to tamper with my hair (my favorite fashion accessory). I spent the weekend bringing it from a deep mahogany to platinum. Damage was minimal considering it was an at-home job with my husband I the "colorists," lol! I know with this new hair color change I need to amp up the makeup so as not to look faded out. I've dug out a few of my "bolder" colored lipsticks instead of the nude lip I usually used as a brunette, but was wondering if any other blon ...

Mar 22, 2011
Hi all, I just needed a little advice. My sister called me last night and asked me to watch my 2yo niece while she and her husband and her 13yo daughter went on a cruise in June. I told her that I couldnt because the 3 days that she wants me to watch her are days that I work. Keep in mind, I have a 13yo, a 4yo, and a 16mo myself which I work at home with and it is difficult. I just dont think that people get how hard it is even though Im at home. Anyway, so I told ...

Dec 11, 2009
Good morning...I need some advice and at this point any advice is welcome :-) I have a 5 year old energetic, funny, sweet little boy who is in kindergarten. I just had a short meeting with his teacher yesterday who said that she is having some real issues with my son in class. She says that he is very disruptive and acts silly all day. She says that he is not mean by any means and is very sweet, but he just simply will not concentrate on the task at hand but would rather ...

Jan 15, 2010
I've been living with a guy for 12 years. There are some aspects of his personality/behavior that are positive. However, he has a habit of mocking me at just about every opportunity, belittling, that kind of stuff. When I get upset he says he "was being funny." He likes to contradict me in public when possible and point out negatives - not so much about me specifically but demeaning comments about things like my dog or my hobbies, etc. I ask him to please not do these things in public but i ...

Jan 19, 2010
I need advice on what you would do in my situation. I'm so upset about it and my husband says not to do anything and basically dismissing it. I'll try to make this as short as possible. My family has been best friends with another family for about ten years. They're just like family. We do everything together. This past weekend their 16 year old daughter stayed over because she had a track meet and the rest of the family was going away for the lo ...

Aug 27, 2011
I wanted to see if anyone has some advice on what to do on a situation I am having with my ex-husband's girlfriend. This past Monday morning my apartment complex called me and told me that they received a fax the evening before that I wanted to be treated for bedbugs! I told them that I didn't send a fax and didn't have bedbugs, and asked her what number the fax came from. She wouldn't tell me. She then asked me why I didn't leave my phone number on the fax only my addre ...

Feb 10, 2010
Ok, here goes.... My husband drives a truck. When he comes in his dad (who is divorced and lives with his mother who is in her 80s and I guess you would say has no life) comes over. Well, no problem there except he don't know when to leave. LOL He comes around 10 or 11 am and stays until 10 or 11 pm. Then the next day he is back again unless he is working and then he comes after work. I don't mind him coming to visit every day when my husband is in ...

Oct 25, 2010
Our family was planning a trip to Disney World this summer and then I decided that maybe we should go to California (where we are from) and go to Disneyland, that way grandparents can come. Since then, my MIL has taken it upon herself to plan out ourentire vacation, starting with trying to make our motel reservations on the drive there and ending with making them on the way back. If she were just being nice, it would be completely different, but really, she is just being controlling. ...

Jul 22, 2011
I'll try not to make this too long, but I have an 18-year-old, soon to be 19-year-old son who just told me a couple months ago that he is gay. I was shocked, but not totally, as I had suspicions before because he never really showed much interest in girls. Anyway, I told him I love him no matter what and that did not matter to me. it took me a couple months to get over the heartache of it, though. His dad doesn't know yet, nor his younger brother, as I told him ...

Jul 18, 2011
I am having some issues with my boyfriend. He has not been working for a while now and I have been paying rent/bills/groceries all on my own. No big deal, it has to be done, but what I am having a problem with is his bi-weekly "allowance". He needs his own money to spend, and I understand that, but no matter how much money I tell him I am going to give him, it is never enough. He is never happy with what I give him (usually a couple hundred dollars). I never sp ...

Apr 05, 2011
I need some advice about my sister-in-law. We are going to her house next week for three days. Well, she wanted my husband to help her buy some power tools and teach her how to use them and put up a trellis. So that was the plan for Friday. I was okay with that – didn’t feel too left out. Now she has made other plans for Saturday that I don't want to do. How do I politely tell her I’m not into spend ...