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Update to Grandma of divorcing couple.


Posted: Aug 24, 2016

Hello, I posted a couple of weeks ago about my son and DIL's sudden separation. I asked for advice, and I did get some good responses. 

The problem has become worse. Last week, my DIL wanted to move back in just as suddenly, and my son told her no. He told her that he had decided to file for divorce and custody of their daughter. My husband and I were out of town at the time, but our son kept in touch with us. Then, on Sunday, we were driving home when our son called us in tears. He had been gone from home, and apparently, our DIL came in and trashed the house and busted out their back door. We arrived home in the evening and spent several hours at our son's house helping him clean up and install a new door. He just cried on my shoulder when I walked in and saw his house.

Then, on Monday morning, at 7 a.m., my DIL arrives at my house with my granddaughter. Her daycare closed and she needed a babysitter. So okay, that was fine. I said nothing to her BTW about the house. Then, Monday afternoon, I get a text. "Got a job. XXXX (my son) will keep XXXX (my granddaughter) full time now I guess. See you when I see you."

So, I have my 2-year-old granddaughter now full time during the day. This little girl is heartbroken. Children can feel grief. She asks for Mommy everyday. Where Mommy? Where Mommy? We just say, She's at work, baby. My son's work hours are really difficult. He works from 4 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. The daycares around here open at 6 a.m. To make this crazy schedule work, my youngest son (aged 19) has moved in with his brother during the week to sleep over there. I get there about 7 a.m. My youngest son is just getting up for college classes and work. He is there just in case the baby wakes up after her dad leaves for work at 3:30 a.m. I get my granddaughter up, get breakfast, and go about our day. 

My son has an emergency meeting with the lawyer tomorrow about custody and visitation rights. We will see what happens. I think my DIL just decided to "dump" the baby on my son and show him that it is not easy to take care of a 2 year old. I really don't know how all this is going to end, but Grandpa and I are learning about Frozen, Sophia, and the Hot Dog song from the Mickey Mouse club. Grandpa and the baby take turns watching our only TV...Grandpa likes MSNBC and our little dictator baby demands DisneyJr. Guess who wins? Prayers for our family as we try to focus on helping our son and granddaughter. Prayers even for my DIL, who I mightly fear is spiralling out of control. Thanks.

;

wow - just wow

[ In Reply To ..]
Unreal. You're doing a good thing supporting your son through all of this. Your whole family is doing the right thing. What a mess! Document everything with pictures, save any texts or emails, etc, etc. You're going to need everything. If the mom gets visits, make sure they're supervised so she doesn't just suddenly disappear with the girl.

I am so sorry for this situation - got the tee shirt

[ In Reply To ..]
My granddaughter was 2 when the momma dropped her in my lap to raise. It *is* so hard! I know that baby knows what is going on and is sad. For the next 5-6 years, she would tell me "momma got me up and acted like it was just another day, but then she left me." I don't think she remembers that much in detail anymore (after 10 years).

I hope that for the foreseeable future, your son gives no unsupervised visitation to the mom. That mom is just too unstable right now. And I mean for at least the next year. You just don't know what other stunt she might pull. Keep repeating "is (fill in the blank) in the child's best interest?" Child's best interest is paramount.

I'm glad that baby has you and your family there for her. ((hugs))

Thanks for the update. I had wondered how - it was going for you.

[ In Reply To ..]
It sounds very difficult, but at least your granddaughter is safe. Thank goodness your family has pulled together to make this work. You're all in my prayers.

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