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More Grandma news

Posted: Dec 9, 2016

Hello: A few months ago I posted about the situation with my son and DIL. They decided to divorce, and my son assumed custody of my 2-year-old granddaughter, which basically meant that I had her all the time because of my son's odd working hours. Since then, things have been very difficult. My son ended up being sent out of state to work for 6 weeks. My DIL has alienated/angered her grandmother so had to move out and was basically homeless or couch surfing. She has been bouncing around on jobs too and had been visiting my granddaughter one or two days a week.

Once my son left to work out of state, my DIL moved back into the house with his approval because he has two dogs to take care of and my DIL had no where else to go. My granddaughter was the happiest little girl in the world to have Mommy at home again. Once my son came home from his job out of state, my DIL refused to leave. Divorce papers have been filed, the lawyer told my son to evict her, but my son has not done so. I know why - my DIL has no where to go. Rent in this area has tripled in the last two years as more people move in. And my DIL has really alienated a lot of her friends and family. My son feels sorry for her but really it is more than that - my granddaughter is so happy to have Mommy and Daddy living in the same house.

So, I just got off the phone with my DIL who is all excited about a new job - about 2 hours away from here. She is full of ideas again about making money and having a great life. I will be getting my granddaughter again full time next week, and I will be faced with dealing with a very unhappy 2-1/2 year old once more. It took me a long time to get her to feel safe and comfortable the first time her mother dumped my granddaughter on us. My DIL plans to be a part time mommy with weekend visitation and leave a little girl who looks for her Mommy everyday.

Grandma is a poor substitute for Mommy but there is no one else right now. The other Grandmother is on drugs. The Great-Grandma still works full time and is already raising a granddaughter full time. I raised my kids but now find that my I'm raising another one. My son is a good father but he is also leaning on us big time right now. His work hours are so odd and long as well as requiring travel.

The advice I received here helped me out so much. I have not said one word to my DIL about her craziness. I just nodded as my DIL talks and arranged babysitting hours with her. My DIL is like a lost little girl, always looking for a better place. I feel so sorry for her. I wish she had someone she would listen to because she desperately needs therapy. I almost convinced that my DIL is bipolar as her behavior is just not rational. It is hard to put on a post her extreme behavior. My DIL called me with the news of the job and was so excited about it that it made my heart hurt to listen to her. She has no friends or family or living arrangements in this new city.

Just wanted to kind of keep you posted. I honestly have few people I can "talk" to about this other than my sister. Everyone else thinks that I am letting my DIL walk all over me. I guess I am but all for the sake of my granddaughter. Grandma and Grandpa are turning out to be my baby girl's only normal place. My livingroom looks like the Frozen movie exploded merchandise here and I have a pink bedroom upstairs after raising three boys. But this is not the way I thought being a Grandma would be.

;

Grandma - Backwoods Typist

[ In Reply To ..]
The thing about life is things never go as we expect, or want, them to sometimes. You are doing the right thing all the way around, so kudos, Grandma for being so wonderful. Giving your DIL an ear to listen and a steady home for your granddaughter is good of you. Your granddaughter will need you for a lot of support and things certainly will not be easy for either of you, at least for awhile. Keep doing what you are doing and making sure your granddaughter has a steady place to go to.

As much as we try to shield our kids from life's harsh reality, in the end we simply cannot do that. It is an impossible task. Eventually we get old enough that we learn each one of life's cruel lies. Granted your granddaughter does not understand now, as she ages she certainly will. Went through a similar thing with my sister and her ex-husband, except she ended up with the baby and Nana and Papaw's was the one place you could find warmth and love. Continue to give her that. It is sad when children are stuck in the middle, because they are the ones that hurt the most.

Thanks for keeping us updated.

are you on Facebook? - group support

[ In Reply To ..]
If you want, I can add you as a member of a closed group I have been part of for 10 years. You can share as much or as little as you want, read about what others have been through. It is a good place to get support for grandparents in your situation. Only other members can read posts, so you don't have to worry about things you say going public.

Let me know if you are interested. I'm the grandma who adopted my g-daughter.

Lucky - Rusty

[ In Reply To ..]
I know it is hard, and not how you expected this stage in your life to be, but you are truly blessed. You have an opportunity to shape another little life, and that is a wonderful thing. I would love to be a gramma, but that is never going to happen for me. Good luck, and prayers are going out to you and your family.

Me too - anonie

[ In Reply To ..]
I won't have any of my own grandchildren so take it as a real blessing as other poster said. I'd love to have grandchildren of my own and close to me.

I think you will eventually get her past her mother not coming around or both not being together. As a child ages they do observe things. I hope she will not take too long for her own sake though. She has a life and she is lucky to have a wonderful grandmother like you.

Do you think your DIL is using drugs? - Ethel

[ In Reply To ..]
Could that account for the odd behavior?

More Grandma news...thank you - Grandma

[ In Reply To ..]
I am sorry for not posting a thank you before now. Life with a toddler makes for busy days! I appreciate all of your thoughts. And two the two posters...yes, I do feel lucky to be a grandma! She is my only grandchild right now (maybe for a while the way things are going).

My DIL left for her new job but we will see how things go for her. To the other poster...so far as my son knows, his soon to be ex is not on drugs. Other than hiring a private investigator, however, there is no way to be sure.

I was dreading my granddaughter's response to her mother leaving, but so far, so good. She is my third leg these last two days. She clings to me and her daddy. The only person she sasses back is Grandpa, and those two can stare each other down. Grandpa can be pretty stern, but Little Miss stares right back. Tonight, I went Christmas shopping, and I called to check on everyone. Grandpa was trying to cook supper, and I could hear the baby hollering in the background. "Hurry up!" was Grandpa's response. It brought back sweet memories of when my three boys were little and their father had trouble with grumpy babies.

My DIL has texted me about her new job. Still not sure where she's staying - she's looking for an apartment. I am convinced that her behavior is an underlying symptom of bipolar disorder, but she refuses any treatment at all - says she does not need to see a therapist. I have no control over her, and her only other support system (her grandmother) is too overwhelmed to help my DIL. Even when the divorce is final, my DIL will be in my life through my granddaughter so this will be a long, long problem.

Thank you again to everyone. I appreciate being able to come here and type this out. About Facebook...thank you but I am too afraid to go near Facebook right now. My son is doing everything to get full custody, and I don't want to jeopardize any type of problems for him with social media. But, then again, I'm still not sure what Twitter is!!

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