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Taking care of grandkids.
Posted: Nov 25, 2015
Don't get me wrong, I love my grandchildren dearly, but......
My husband and I spend every weekend taking care of our 2 grandchildren (a 4yo granddaughter from his side and a 19 month old grandson from my side. We both dearly love the kids but we watch them because there are no other options for their parents (daycare is not open on weekends.) I am not looking for a solution, just need to vent. When I started dreaming of grandchildren, they were the ones who we got to visit and spoil once a month or so WHEN WE CHOSE TO, not because we have to every weekend. If we want to take a weekend to do something for us, we either have to plan on taking them or pull all kinds of strings and cash in favors to get the "time off." It would be easy just to say no to the parents, but we do it for the little ones. Anyone else in a similar situation?
;
Why can't their parents - xx
[ In Reply To ..]take care of them on the weekends? If they want time off from parenting, they can hire babysitters.
It sounds like you need a break. Tell them to figure out their own childcare and don't feel guilty about wanting to live your own life.
Taking care of grandkids. - The Avon Lady
[ In Reply To ..]I should have specified, there parents are working. It is not like they are running off for the weekend.
Shouldn't matter... - MT
[ In Reply To ..]It doesn't matter if the parents are working or not. You have raised your children, and now you are empty nesters, able to live the life you choose. There is no grandparent obligation clause that says you must or have to babysit because the parents are working. If you tell them you can't do it anymore, they will either work out something with their jobs where they each work a weekend while the other is home with the kids, or they will have to find a babysitter like every other parent does. Sure it's nice of you, but you aren't obligated.
What would they do - xx
[ In Reply To ..]if you weren't available to provide free childcare? They would have to come up with a solution then, so there is no reason they can't do it now. If they can't afford childcare, they need to reevaluate their life choices and acquire some skills that will pay enough to support the kids they decided to have.
Are The Kids - In Daycare?
[ In Reply To ..]Are these kids in daycare most of the other days? If so, I guess these parents couldn't afford 2 children they can't afford to take care of themselves.
I have to say if they are in institutionalized/group daycare during the week, then you are the next best thing since you're loving and family.
I would also say if your kids spend money they where they don't need to(I-phones, tablets, nice cars), then they could dummy down and one could always be home to take care of the kids if they absolutely both have to work. That's actually where I'd start the conversation.
You are not obligated to babysit their kids. I think you should back off on that, and they'd maybe figure out a way where they are actually raising their own kids.
That's not fair. :( - marge
[ In Reply To ..]I hate that you can't "enjoy" them like grandparents. :( I think it's hard when you have to be a caregiver for your grandchildren. :( I was fortunate that I quit working when my oldest was born and then I've worked from home when I did go back. I have noticed, though, that my mom gets to the point even if she just spends too much time with us that she starts acting like the parent which I don't think is fair. She gets frustrated with the kids (mine are 14 and 12) and isn't able to enjoy them like a "grandma".
I hope maybe you guys can figure something out. Have they looked into opposite shifts? My husband and I were planning on doing that before we decided I would just quit. It's the best of all worlds. :) They each get their time with the kids and you get to be just "grandma". :)
It may be difficult, but I think it's a great thing that you are doing. - anon
[ In Reply To ..]I feel strongly that the best people to care for children are their family members. I understand that not everyone has that choice, but whenever possible, I think a grandparent or aunt make the best babysitters. I think it's great that you are helping out with some of the childcare of your grandchildren. You are the only person who loves them as much as their parents. They will benefit from your love and care for the rest of their lives. Hang in there. They grow up fast!
Taking care of grandkids - kimos mom
[ In Reply To ..]Thank you for that, I was starting to feel all alone until I read your post!
It really doesn't matter - xx
[ In Reply To ..]what anyone else thinks about the OP's situation. Other people can do as they choose. The OP has clearly reached a limit with the current situation. The parents of the children need to figure out a way to assume responsibility for providing properly for the children they chose to produce. The grandparents are not happy with being expected to provide free daycare, and they have every right to have the life they want. What anyone else thinks about it is entirely irrelevant. The grandparents don't need anyone else's approval, and they certainly do not need to be judged for not wanting to have their life and time sucked away from them. They don't need cheerleaders. They need the parents to step up and fulfill their parental responsibilities.
Taking care of grandkids. - The Avon Lady
[ In Reply To ..]Thank you for that! I was not really looking for a solution, just venting. They go to daycare during the week and we are available on the weekends, so who best to love them and give them a good weekend when they cannot be with their parents. I am sure there are plenty out there in our situation.
grandparent-parent - me
[ In Reply To ..]This reminds me of when my granddaughter was an infant. My daughter went back to work on night shift. My office was across street from where she lived, so I'd pick up the baby after work & go home. When I went back to work next day, I'd take baby back to their place. It really felt more like I was "mom" & less like "grandma", but we had so much fun with her. On my daughter's days off work, we didn't typically babysit unless it was really needed. Can you talk to these parents & arrange that you get them 1 or 2 weekends a month instead of every weekend? Then you have time to yourselves and time being grandparents. The parents need to work out something for the other times, perhaps trade time with other parents nearby... if you watch my kids on weekends, I can watch yours a couple days during the week. If something happens to you guys, they'd have to line up something anyway. Hope something works out.
The grandparents - xx
[ In Reply To ..]shouldn't have to beg favors from others or negotiate or tie themselves into knots to find a solution. The grandparents are burned out trying to accommodate parents who produced children they are unable to provide for. The parents need to solve their own problems and let the grandparents have the life they worked for.
ok - me
[ In Reply To ..]I wasn't suggesting the grandparents make the new arrangements. I was only saying they could offer to do a weekend or 2 a month. The parents would obviously have to come up with care for the rest of the time.
Good Suggestion - sm
[ In Reply To ..]Since obviously there are some financial problems with the parents, and you state you would not mind once a month or so, why not help them out halfway? Agree to every other weekend providing child care and every other weekend they have to pay someone/make other arrangements. That way, you are helping them out, spending time with your grandchildren, and have every other weekend for yourselves.
Taking care of grandkids - kimos mom
[ In Reply To ..]Realizing that you would like to do something together, maybe occasionally you and your husband split the time so at least you could each get a little time of your own. Or, take them with you on a very romantic date to Chuck E. Cheese! Okay, I won't throw out any more of my grandma solutions. I'm happy to let you vent, because I can relate! I take care of my 1-year-old grandson 36 hours a week and my husband and younger daughter split the other weekday. I also work 40 hours and coach a competitive swim team 10 hours. Would I love to have a day off? Yes. Would I love to have someone other than family watch my grandson? No. Spending 14 years as an ER RN, I've seen every horror story, and I would just worry myself sick thinking about the possibilities of someone else watching him! My daughter is a teacher, so I do get school breaks off, which probably makes it significantly easier than your situation. Feel free to vent any time. I think there are a lot more of us out there than you know.
Taking care of grandkids. - The Avon Lady
[ In Reply To ..]Thank you!
I will never understand why someone has kids - sm - InkMT
[ In Reply To ..]and foists them off on the grandparents every weekend. My MILs neighbor had her grandkids every weekend too, though my MIL was jealous and wanted my kids every weekend as well, though that never happened. In your case though I get the feel that it is because the parents work the weekends, least I hope that is the reason and not that they don't want to deal with their own children. All I can say is tell them you want one weekend off a month, that you need a break, you're not as young as they are, etc. They will just have to pay for a babysitter then when they are at work, yes it will cut into their wallet, but I am assuming you are watching the kids for free so nada out of their pocket and feeding them, etc. out of your pocket, not theirs. So if they appreciate the goldmine of babysitting you are providing them, then they will step up and make arrangements so you can have a weekend off once a month, or a day or two on alternate weekends, something. But you need to speak up, if you don't say anything then they cannot change it, they certainly won't think of it themselves.
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