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Need some advice on a situation while out for 4th


Posted: Jul 6, 2014

I went out to 4th celebrations with an old friend who was in town.  We decided to hit a couple of bars after the fireworks.  We dated many, many moons ago right out of high school.  I really liked him then.  Since then he's had problems with the law and drinks quite a bit.  The night seemed to go okay at first.  But he got more and more drunk.  He began to wander away at the bar and chat up lots of women.  He would occasionally wander back to me almost to make sure I was still there as I was his ride.  Then back to the wandering and flirting.  After a couple of hours of this I was done.  He was becoming belligerent and disrespectful.  I couldn't tell if he was looking for someone to go home with or not but I certainly wasn't the person he was spending his time with except the rare occasion he came over to check on me.  Finally I'd had it and left.  He's mid 40s and had his own money.  I figured if he wanted to spend the majority of his time working on other women he could get a cab and find his own way home.  Now I feel like a terrible person.  Did I do the wrong thing?  I didn't want to start an arguement about his behavior or have to put up with his drunken anger about not being ready to leave when I'd had enough of being invisible.  It seems like the older you get the more important it becomes to clean house of people that are dragging you down, huh?  Thoughts??

;

Need some advice- - No you should

[ In Reply To ..]
not feel a bit guilty, he should. I would take it as a lesson learned and not be put in the same situation with him ever again. You went as friends, he treated you as a convenient ride. I wouldn't waste my time worrying about him or his feelings, he obviously is a user for his own wants. Be thankful you did not have to put up with his drunken behavior at night's end!!!

The only thing you did - wrong

[ In Reply To ..]
was not slap him and throw a drink in his face for some real fireworks. You deserve better.

can't tell from your post - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
I can't tell for sure from what you've said, but did you tell him you were leaving or just go? I would say the only thing I would possibly have a guilty conscious about was leaving him without any warning.

However, depending on how obnoxious he was being - it may have been safer to avoid the confrontation. I can't say without being there, but certainly your safety comes first.

You did nothing wrong - sm - Anon

[ In Reply To ..]
And have nothing to feel guilty about. If he contacts you, I would advise ignoring him.

OP - anon

[ In Reply To ..]
Thanks for the reassurance!! No I didn't tell him I was leaving, but in all fairness he didn't start calling my cell until 2:30 and the bars closed at 3. Granted he's in from out of town so he's got about 3 pairs of shorts and a pair of jeans in my car. He calls yday and says I'd better get his clothes to him right away because he doesn't want to talk to me. His mom's and his friend's homes are an hour away. Personally I'm not spending my time or gas money to drive 2 hours round trip. I figure he had money, been living here and working for family business and saving ALL of his pay to get back on his feet. My thought was let him take a cab. I've done it to keep from driving intoxicated. No, I didn't tell him I was leaving because he was definitely overly intoxicated and I was concerned about an ugly confrontation. Drinking problems was part of the problem he moved back to get his act together. I thought he was doing much better than this. I guess I should let go of my guilt. He's welcome to come get his things anytime he'd like.

mail him the clothes and don't let anyone tell you - what you "better do". sm

[ In Reply To ..]
I certainly hope you do not allow him to tell you what you "better do" - that sounds like "or else" is just around the corner.

Original poster - anon

[ In Reply To ..]
Any advice on what to do with some clothes he has in my car? He's been staying with someone while he's in town who lives at least an hour from me. I sure don't want to drive that far and go out of my way considering his disrespectful behavior but I'm at a loss as to what to do with it. TIA

Your story is very confusing. - Ayn

[ In Reply To ..]
You went out with this guy on the 4th. Knew his history, yet went out to bars with him and then were surprised when he drank too much and became obnoxious? Did you say anything to him over the course of the evening about how he was acting or how you felt about it or did you just sit and stew about it until finally getting mad and leaving?

When you agreed to go out, what were you planning to do with him and his clothes at the end of the evening? You say he was "in town" but at the same time staying an hour away? Had you made arrangements to be his ride and take him back to where he was staying an hour away that night, back to your place, what?

Yes, he was being obnoxious, rude, drinking to much, possibly overly aggressive/angry with you and you should protect yourself. However, you left him without a ride an hour away from where he was staying without any warning and with his belongings in your car. You say he's an adult and can get a cab - did you really expect him to pay for an hour-long cab ride?? I'd say at the very least you are responsible for getting his belongings back to him one way or the other. If he is no longer close by, either deliver them to some agreed upon middle ground or mail them to him. It's just not that complicated.

Does he have a phone? - If not, do you have the number

[ In Reply To ..]
of the people he was staying with? I would not feel too bad about what you did on the 4th. I really do not understand what he did though. He kept leaving you and you were out together. That was rude. Just get rid of the clothes, the sooner the better even if it means driving an hour. I would not want him coming to my house to pick up the clothes.

Mail the clothes. Do not call or communicate with him. - End. Of. Story.

[ In Reply To ..]

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