Need some advice about a family situation. SM

Six months ago, I filed for divorce. At that time, my daughter and I moved in with my sister and her family at my sister's invitation. I did not ask to move in and was going to stay with my mother until I found a place to rent, but my sister offered and since my sister lives in the same small town as I do, close to my daughter's school and friends, I accepted. So my 13yo daughter and I moved in with my sister, brother-in-law, and 20yo nephew. Everything was going fine. I was paying them rent, buying groceries, and cooking a good share of the meals. We were all getting along great which is surprising because historically my brother-in-law and I do not get along. He has not been a good husband to my sister - overspending their money, running up credit card bills, staring and flirting with other women, etc. - but my sister puts up with it and actually makes excuses for his behavior. I managed to navigate some pretty irritating situations while I was there. I knew my boundaries, never interfered in anything, never gave my opinion, etc. My daughter was unhappy and being 13yo was very moody and for whatever reason my sister and BIL were bugged by the fact that she preferred to stay in her room by herself. I explained to them that she was not happy right now. Her father is an alcoholic, we had to move, and she's unhappy. It tears me up that she is feeling this way, but all I can do is let her be and keep reaching out to her. I asked my sister and BIL to leave her alone and let me deal with my child. My BIL likes to "tease" as my sister calls it. He likes to "tease" women and girls. I have been subjected to his teasing which consists of blocking your way as you try to pass him in the hallway or grabbing you in a bear hug and picking you up. When he's has done this to me, I've told him to knock it off or get out of my way and he just laughs and does what I tell him. However, he started "teasing" my daughter and her friends when they would come over. He would block the hallway and bump them with his belly, etc. I told him to stop it because my daughter and her fiends got tired of it. He didn't just do it once, he would go on and on and on. Then I found out recently from my daughter that he does when I'm not home and he has also opened up my daughter's bedroom door while she is in there watching TV or whatever and just stands in the doorway and stares at her until she finds yells "WHAT?!!?" then he laughs and walks away. Finally, my daughter and one of her friends told me that he was teasing them and they sassed back and so he "playfully" (his description) wrestled them and slapped both of them on the rear. I was livid!!! I approached my sister and my BIL and was told he was just playing, it wasn't sexual, and that my BIL was just stupid and didn't realize he was being inappropriate. I was flabbergasted that my sister would actually be so cavalier about this. So I decided to recount all the things that he does in the name of "teasing" and my daughter then added that my BIL has gotten out his stun gun and has chased after her and her friends while pressing the button so it makes the electric shock noise. He got out his gigantic hunting knife and stuck it under her bedroom door while her and her friends were hanging out. He said "Oh, I'm just playing. Trying to scare them." Well, congratulations you succeeded! I explained to him that when and if he ever tries that with a grown woman like me, I know how to handle creeps like him, I'll kick him in the nuts and give him a fat lip, but 13yo girls don't know how to handle lecherous creeps and that is why he likes to tease them because he gets the reaction he's looking for. I told my sister my daughter and I would be leaving and that she had a very REAL problem on her hands with her husband. She continued to excuse his behavior by saying he was an idiot and just didn't think about what he was doing. And insisting it wasn't sexual.

My daughter and I moved in with my mother and we told her what had happened. My mother was angrier than I had been. My mother had been sexually abused as a child and so she tends to have a deep visceral reaction to men whom she feels are predatory. So she immediately picked up the phone and called my BIL and basically told him if he ever touched her granddaughter again he would regret it and that he needed to keep his hands all women at all times. Not knowing what is appropriate is no excuse when a man shouldn't be touching any other woman but his wife and a man should especially know he cannot touch young girls at all EVER! My BIL became nervous that my daughter's friend (the one he smacked on the rear) or I was going to tell her parents what had happened so he decided to go her parents and head it off, basically tried to sugar coat it, and then told them I was a bad mother and that my daughter had no supervision and did whatever she wanted. I had told my daughter's friend that she should tell her parents, but she told me that she wasn't going to because it just happened that one time and that she just thought he was a weirdo and she knew my daughter and I were moving out. Long story short, I ended up talking to her parents about it because my BIL basically ratted himself out. They realized that when he was talking about me as a mother, he was trying to down play what he had done and shift the focus to me and it didn't work. Her father was ready to kill my BIL. It then came out that on one instance when my BIL had "playfully" blocked the girls from passing him, my sister had been there and had told the girls "just pinch him in his man boobs" and he'll get out of the way to which my BIL replied to my daughter and her friend "you pinch me in the boob, I'll pinch you in yours." My sister yelled at him for saying it but this was the first time I heard about it. So now my daughter's friend's parents were just angry, her father violently angry.

It is an ugly situation and that now has just completely blown up. We live in a very small town of 2000 people, so now this thing will be all over town and probably already is. My sister and I go to the same church. My sister and BIL have now decided to get counseling from the pastor and have told me that the pastor has acknowledged that my BIL was inappropriate, but the pastor had agreed it was because he was ignorant. I'm upset because I feel like they are basically turning my pastor against me and my daughter. My daughter is active in the youth group and I just don't want her to feel uncomfortable in a place where she should feel the most comfortable. I also know that my sister and BIL have probably not told everything creepy thing that he did and said and I almost feel like I should either talk to my pastor myself or at least write a letter basically letting him know that this was more than just "inappropriate." I have heard other girls in the youth group, older girls around my nephew's age, 17 or 18, who have been to my sister's house and they have used the words wierd and creepy to describe my BIL, so undoubtedly he has behaved the same way with them. I think the pastor should know the full extend of my BIL's behavior and he should know extends past my daughter and her friends to other girls in the church. Should I do this? Should I write a letter or talk to my pastor? I hate to turn this into an ugly battle, but also will not have my sister and BIL make my daughter feel uncomfortable or at fault! What should I do? Am I overreacting? My sister keeps saying it wasn't sexual and he would never to do anything like that, but I just am so angry and disgusted and I feel like I've let my daughter down. She has a crappy father and I moved into a place with another crappy man to deal with. No wonder she's angry. She probably hates me. I love her so much and all I want is for her to be happy and to provide a decent home for her and give her the world. That's all I've ever wanted to do.

Thanks for listening. I just really needed to get this all off my chest. I apologize for any typos, I'm upset and typing fast and have to get back to work and well, I know you'll understand.