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My daughter who is 9yo is leaving Wednesday for Florida

Posted: Jul 5, 2010

for a three and a half week stay with her grandparents. There will be four other girl cousins going for the same amount of time. The grandparents are taking all the girls to Disneyworld and Animal Kingdom. They are going to stay at one of the Disney resorts. Then will go to their house in Fort Myers for the remainder of their stay where they will take trips to the beach, go on an airboat in the Everglades, and other planned activities.

Here's the problem. This is the first time my daughter will spend that much time away from home. She has gone with her grandparents for a week at time in the past, but this is almost a month. She's really excited about going to Disneyworld and the whole trip in general, but I get glimpses of worry sometimes from her. She has asked several times how long she will be gone. She says "I'm really going to miss you mommy" and "I really wish you could come too." I see the worry in her eyes. Of course, I don't want her to go, but I don't want her to miss out on a fun trip that I can't give her. So I'm trying to hide my anxiety about the whole trip. I did have a conversation with her about the trip. I told her how much fun she was going to have and if she wants to go, then I really want her go, but if she feels like she may get homesick while she's there, then it's okay if she decides not to go and that her grandparents won't be upset. I also let her know that if she does get homesick, that grandpa can't fly back with her early because he's got all the other girls to take care too. I told her that she can call me every single day.

I'm just wondering if maybe I should just take the decision making out of her hands and say she can't go because I just don't think she's old enough. But then I feel bad because she's going to miss out on Disneyworld which financially I haven't been able to give her, but have wanted to give her for a long time now. Plus I don't want to let my anxiety take over. I have my own selfish reasons for not wanting her to go.

As a side note, her grandparents (my ex-in-laws), I trust them implicitly. If she gets homesick, they will be sensitive to that.

So is it my anxiety getting to me or what should I do to ease my daughter's mind?

;

Do the grandparents have internet? - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
If so, check into web cams so that she can really share her day and see you. These can be had pretty cheap, so even if you got one for you and one for the GPs, it wouldn't amount to that much. Also get her a digital camera, so she can share her adventures that way.

I know she may be nervous now, but that's understandable. I suspect that once she gets down there with the other cousins and the adventures, she will be fine. That's not to say that she won't still miss you and be homesick now and then, but I don't think it will outweigh the wonders of her trip.

Anxiety - mymt

[ In Reply To ..]
I understand your anxiety. I freak when my 6 y/o grandson goes to see his grandfather in Florida and that's with his mother! LOL!

Why not buy her a cell phone and program your number in it. She can call you as much as she needs to. This helps her feel like she's got some control, and then of course, you can call her too.

It helps our kids become independent by preparing them to spend some time away, especially in the care of grandparents you trust.

The other thing you can do is to get her a little notebook and have her put a couple of notes in each day about what she did. Then when she comes home, you and she could scrapbook a memory book about the summer she spent with her grandparents.

Definitely don't call off the visit, I think that's wrong on a bunch of levels and won't help her in the future when she needs to feel confident.

You say you trust your ex-in laws - see ins

[ In Reply To ..]
completely, then encourage her to go. She will be with family!

Maybe your daughter senses your anxiety nd reacts to it.
You should reassure her and give her confidence.

I am sure if you decide otherwise, you will regret and think......

"I shoud have, could have, would have....!"

Let her go, with a mobile phone, etc....

my 9yo girls do this - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
and the best thing we have found is Skype. It keeps us connected and keeps them from becoming homesick. They are on the go constantly and exhausted at the end of the day from all the fun. I think she is old enough to handle it. Let her try it. I don't think the amount of time away will be an issue. The only issue we had is the amount of time spent with the other cousins (some of whom are boys). Now we narrowed it down to 1-1/2 or 2 weeks.

Let her go, but as others suggested - sm - ECMT

[ In Reply To ..]
give her a cell phone so she can call you easily, and the webcam idea is great, though presume the grandparents are not computer savvy, I know my in-laws aren't though my dad is....been thinking about doing this with him myself so he can see the kids more that way at least. Both of my kids just went on trips in June, though not a long time, I worried more about my 11-y/o (almost 12) than my 10-y/o. The 11-y/o went to Disney for 6 days on a dance trip (performed at Disney) with select classes from her dance school. She resisted the cell phone and calling me in the morning and evening...but when on the trip she called me about 10 x a day, actually got to be a bit annoying. She called home bawling on the 3rd day all homesick and upset. They had just performed, she was tired, hungry and hot, crying she wanted to fly home, etc. I got her calmed down, told her to get something to drink, eat, cool down, etc. After that she was fine, back to normal and went on to have a blast the rest of the time. Prior to that trip my 10-y/o went to Savannah, GA for 5 days. She was not allowed to take a cell phone (Girl Scout trip) but the leader would have her call me every morning and night on hers which was fine. She was fine, never got upset, whiny, etc. She however is more independent and mature than my older daughter. A lot depends on the temperment of the child, maturity, etc. --- Just be reassuring, remind her of all the fun she will have, talk to her a couple times a day, I am sure if she feels homesick at times it will pass soon as she gets to go do some activity and starts having fun. Sounds like a trip of a lifetime and she will treasure it forever in the long run. Make sure she have a favorite toy, security object or blanket with her to sleep with and I am sure she will be fine.

9 yo - magsnfla

[ In Reply To ..]
Let her go. Its only natural for both of you to be a little worried. She has 3 other cousins she'll be with - not just her grandparents, so she'll have a wonderful time. Think of it has sending her to camp. The other posters gave you some great ideas. She can call you, or email you and I'm betting the grandparents are computer savvy. I live about a hour south of Ft Myers and I can you tell that many of the folks over 60 down here are into the techology. If they aren't, chances are they have neighbors who are. The girls will love the beach and there are lots of things are see in Ft. Myers - like the Edison-Ford Estates which the kids will be fascinated with.
Don't let her come home just because she has 2 minutes of feeling homesick - let her work through it - that's how we grow, by stretching ourselves and working through things.
For yourself, plan to do some things while she's away to deal with missing her. Read some books or watch some movies, take care of you.

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