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I finally did it...
Posted: Feb 8, 2012
I finally split from my husband tonight. I finally had enough. I had had enough, but the last straw was tonight. He hasn't been providing for his family. We had no Christmas money, then my son's birthday come and no money for that. It takes all I can make to pay the bills and eat. He said he couldn't find a job but my stepdad told him about 2 GOOD jobs he could get on at and he wouldn't even go apply. The cell phones got cut off. I had to pay that.
Then he wants to use my car that I just put gas in to go to his friends. Well I was off work so I said I'll ride with you. Oh no, I'm coming right back. Just was adamant he did not want me going. I said well if I am not good enough to go with you anywhere you aren't using my car. He hasn't contributed a dime towards the car. So he cussed me and screamed and hollered and said give me the keys or I'm bashing the windows out of it. It is a 2010 Beetle. I said go ahead, but I'm not giving you the keys. So he took his boot outside and started hitting the car with it. Hitting the glass, hit the fender. Then he told me again to give him the blankety blank keys RIGHT NOW. I said nope, you kiss my ____! U aren't gonna treat me like crap and bully me and beat on my car and think I'm gonna hand over the keys. So then he jumped on the hood and proceeded to jump up and down and then started kicking the windshield. I said go ahead, you are leaving here tonight buddy alright but it won't be in that car. I said get your stuff and LEAVE NOW. He said he wasn't leaving, so I left and went to my moms. While I was gone he left.
I told his brother to come pick up his clothes or either I'd drop them off over there. He come to get my husband's stuff and I said take it ALL. Everything. I do not want to see him. That was the last straw. There was no reason to act like that. I'm not gonna be left at home on my night off like I am so many times while he rides around in my car that he contributed nothing toward burning my gas. But I'm not good enough to go. Please say a prayer for me and help me to be strong and not let him come back. It's hard but I am also relieved to not have to listen to him now too.
;
Good for you, now change your locks - Happy MT Robin
[ In Reply To ..]No one should accept that kind of abusive behavior and good for you for kicking his worthless butt out.
Change your locks ASAP. Make sure he has no way of getting back in the house. Do you have a garage or some kind of shelter you can put the car in? I wouldn't put it past him to come back at some point and do damage just to be spiteful. I'd keep my animals inside too, just to be safe. I may be going overboard, but enraged soon to be ex-husbands have done worse just to get back at their wives.
Best of luck to you. 2012 is going to be a better year!!
Yep I need to do that.... - blondie
[ In Reply To ..]I need to get on that tomorrow with the locks. I don't have a garage to put my car in. Hopefully, he will not be back. I do have a gate at the end of my driveway with a lock on it. I could keep that locked. But if he really wanted to he could climb over it on foot. I keep a close eye on my dogs. I let them out in my fenced in backyard to potty and them let them right back in. My pitbull likes to stay up my butt too much to stay outside too long. LOL But he cheers me up too.
Please read - sm - keep yourself safe
[ In Reply To ..]Did you file a vandalism report with the police for the damage he did to your car, if not you need to. He will be back, trust me, no one is going to provide for him for very long and when he can't find a friend to stay with he is going to come back to "his house". I would file a report for the damage to the car and also get a restraining order to keep him away from you. It might sound alarmist, but more women get hurt or killed when they finally make the move and kick the guy out. It is a real slam to their "manhood" that they no longer control you, hits him he is gonna get really mad. It will only take a small amount of your time to file a report with the police, and hey if they arrest him, it gives you a little more time to prepare. Once they act like that each incident will only get worse. Please believe me, I had someone stalking me and my kids and I hid in fear almost every weekend night, when they are pounding on the door is not the time to try to figure out a plan.
for finally did it - sarmt
[ In Reply To ..]This could be life-threatening. File a police report, see if you can get a restraining order, document everything. Keep your pit bull & your other dog close to you. They can smell "emotion scent" from a bad guy and will most likely protect you even to their death if it comes to that--could give you time to get out. Make a plan B and C. I'm not law enforcement but I am member of several citizen orgs or law enforcement & do frequent ride alongs. Remember the cases in the media lately of women gone missing....the Josh & Susan Powell case comes to mind. Definitely change the locks, take no chances. Check your vehicle back seat before you get in. Ask law enforcemen to patrol your street frequently. Abusers do not take rejection lightly. Stay safe.
agree! agree! absolutely! - talk to the police
[ In Reply To ..]Do contact the police. File a report, obtain a restraining order, and make sure the police know you are afraid of him. If he returns, do not hesitate to call the police immediately.
Hang tough, be strong. You did the right thing and you deserve a big pat on the back! Good for you!
I agree with the posters saying *file a police report* sm - SadOne
[ In Reply To ..]My best friend was murdered by her husband after she kicked him out. It DOES happen, so be smart and be safe. Best wishes and hugs to you.
I would sue him in Small Claims for car damage. - Meerkat (n/m)
[ In Reply To ..]
oh dear, I'm so sorry - OP take note
[ In Reply To ..]Please talk to the police, file a report, let them know you are afraid.
Keep yourself safe! - M
[ In Reply To ..]Very good idea to file that police report and get a restraining order. I haven't read all of the threads so you may have already decided to do this. I really hope you do. Make it as difficult as you can for him to get at you and for Heaven's sake, don't take him back no matter what! You just got rid of an abusive parasite, and I'm just so happy for you. It won't be easy, but you can do it. He won't change, either, no matter how much he says he will and begs you. He won't change. Good for you! :)
Happy for you - Be Safe!
[ In Reply To ..]Please take steps to be safe. I'm sure he'll be back! I went through a similar thing with my ex. He scratched my car, terrorized me and the kids, coming over at 2 in the morning, pounding on doors, etc. Please report what he did to the police or get a restraining order. If he comes back acting crazy, call 9-1-1 ASAP. Hopefully when he sees you will call the cops on him, he will BACK OFF. Nobody wants to go to jail! Stay strong! You can do it! Let us know what happens. You will find a lot of support here!
Blondie - Please do yourself a favor - see message
[ In Reply To ..]After you take ALL of the above steps to keep yourself safe from this man, please consider this. Find a counselor, clergy, or even close friend to talk to. You need that if you do not feel strong enough to "not let him come back." You need to limit your conversations with him. He will try to get your sympathy.
Get some help. Get a back bone. Get your mind to a place that you absolutely refuse to ever be treated like that again. Hold your head high and pat yourself on the back honey, and feel good about it. Realize your own worth and emotional strength. Life is way too short to settle for this.
And remember, if you want peace in your heart - you have to let it happen. Your fate is in your hands. We are all very proud of you, and wish you the best of luck and a wonderful life.
for finally did it (more) - sarmt
[ In Reply To ..]At some point down the road and after thinking about it, consider taking a firearms class & getting a license to carry. Taking the class does not obligate you to purchase a gun (not everyong can point and pull that trigger), but it is an option that could afford another level of protection. But with kids around, would have to be extremely vigilant. With a .38 revolver all you do is point and pull the trigger. Like I said though.....think this one through. A protection dog is good to, but they are very expensive. I have 3 German Shepherds & I've been told by my law enforcement friends that guys would rather face a gun than a dog....fortunately, I have both (a gun and dogs). Main thing is to do what you have to so you & your kids will be safe. These crazy guys are killing wives and kids. Try and catch a few episodes of "Investigation Discovery" and you will see what I mean.
Blondie - wimt
[ In Reply To ..]Good for you. Stay strong and take care of yourself and your child(ren). Keep us posted if not for anything else but to let us know you are safe.
New year, new you - Backwoods Typist
[ In Reply To ..]We are all proud of you. No one should take that kind of behavior from anybody. Time to change your locks and call a good lawyer. If you can, store your car indoors so as to prevent damage to your car. Speaking of which, did he damage your car in his act? If so, he may be responsible for that too.
Im frankly surprised that you dealt with it as long as you did. Its bad when a father will not contribute anything to a child's birthday or Christmas, but then again we dont call him a father..we call him something else but I cant say that on here. :)
Good luck to you and your children. May you be safe and have a bright future ahead of you all. There are many resources out there for you and all the support you need.
Blondie, pls, pls, pls... - 2friends
[ In Reply To ..]First, I hope you're still safe. I just had 2 good friends who went through the same situation w/ abusive husbands, so I've heard their horrors. Pls definitely file a report & change the locks (if you haven't already, but there are 2 other things that helped them in the end. Both documented every single threat the arse made (time, place, what was said, etc.), saved emails, phone msgs, etc. Also, they both had a backup friend/relative they could call or txt w/ one or two words that said it was a serious situation and to call the cops. One did end up using this and it probably saved her life.
Take care, stick to your guns, and find help. Best wishes to you.
UPDATE - blondie
[ In Reply To ..]I am safe, doing okay. It's hard to go through this, but it has to be done. He did come to pick up our son this morning to take him to school. He didn't cause any problems. Didn't say anything. My son is very close to him. That makes it hard too. The way he acted has made it easier for me to do this. I have no desire to be with him anymore. I miss the person he used to be but not the person he has become. I miss that guy that was so respectful and never raised his voice or cursed me. I miss the guy who never lost his temper. What happened? I don't know. People change. I am remaining strong, and I know there are men out there who do not treat women that way. I need time to make myself happy and come to terms with this. But one day I hope I find a wonderful man who will treat me the way I deserve to be treated.
Beware the "rebound syndrome," Blondie - BTDT
[ In Reply To ..]Believe it or not, the right guy is out there and he could very well be the first guy with whom you become seriously involved.
That being said, please beware of the infamous Rebound Syndrome, wherein one is so vulnerable, lonely and hurt that she is easily swept off of her feet by the first seemingly decent, caring man who comes along.
Take your time, take care of YOU and your lovely child(ren) first, and, when you least expect it but are ready for it, that Mr. Right is going to seemingly fall out of the sky right into your waiting arms.
Trust me, it will be worth the wait.
Best of luck to you...remember, you deserve it!
Thanks for the update Blondie! - Have been worried about you!
[ In Reply To ..]So glad you are safe! I went from the most nightmare of an abusive marriage you can imagine to finding a wonderful man who treats me with such respect it almost makes me cry sometimes. The day I got my divorce, I came out of the courthouse and did a little twirling dance. If I'd had a hat, I'd have tossed it in the air like Mary Tyler Moore. Stay strong! You are worthy and you deserve love and respect! I'm sure your son loves him, but he is learning how to treat women by watching his example. It's tough to go through, but it makes you stronger in the end. Keep us posted. Still praying for you & your son.
Hang in there Blondie! - something to help you feel better.
[ In Reply To ..]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLHY0Pqeyzw
Is ok to dance around the living room while you're listening!
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