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Am I a fool being used or am I the one who is wrong? sm
Posted: Nov 12, 2009
Hi...I am dating someone who was upset and having financial problems. I decided last week to give him some money to help him get caught up. The amount I gave him was exactly the amount he said he was short on his bills. I gave him a check. He did not deposit it until a week later (this past tues) and then yesterday while I was at his house he showed off a used knife he had just bought for $25 and then went and bought liquor to share with his brother and cousins (who are unemployed right now). He did all of this right in front of me without acting self-conscious about it at all. I have a policy that if I give someone money it is their decision what they do with it. But that really hurt my feelings. I work hard for my money and I only gave him what I thought he really needed. We have been dating 7 months and it is the first time he has asked for help. Was he wrong for doing that or am I wrong? I barely slept all night. I feel like such a fool.
;
You're just too nice - Been there
[ In Reply To ..]and from past experience I suggest getting away from this person ASAP. If you don't you are probably in for more hurt and disappointment, and YOU DESERVE BETTER! Even being alone is better than around leeches. I think you'll find you feel better once you rid yourself of this person and chalk it up to experience, but please please learn from it and try not to do it again.
he needs to become less of a loser and more like a real man. - sick of it. n/m
[ In Reply To ..]n/m
Used. if he took a week to deposit the check, then - MeMe
[ In Reply To ..]I'd say he didn't need it that badly. Especially if he could buy and show you a knife and not say anything about having paid the bills...
relationship - Tara
[ In Reply To ..]I wouldn't be so hard on yourself about this. Just because it took him a week to cash the check does not mean that he didn't use the money to pay bills. He may have been a month behind with the due dates of the new bills coming up. If you gave him money to get "caught up," he probably did just that which meant then that if he has money coming in that he could go ahead and spend it because his bills were paid. If he doesn't have a job or a source of income where that is a likely possibility, then I would probably be a little more inclined to say you were used, but I would look at the big picture here and not be so hard on yourself until you know all the possibilities.
BACK UP THREE STEPS, TURN AND RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN - mt
[ In Reply To ..]Okay, sister. I was in the same situation 20 years ago. I married him. Guess what? After 17 years of marriage and turning 40, WE'RE STILL IN THE SAME SITUATION. This guy is a loser and he will always want to sponge off of someone else. My husband was laid off about six weeks ago and spends his days lying on the couch downstairs in a dark basement. I just had a confrontation with him when I asked him what we are going to do and he YELLED, yes, YELLED AT ME AND STARTED AN ARGUMENT. He will do nothing but take advantage of you and make excuses and you are enabling him. You deserve better, DUMP him, write off the money you loaned because you will NEVER see that money again (I know this from experience, SAME SITUATION). Don't feel like a fool, he was wrong with what he did with the money, but you will feel an even bigger fool 20 years later and you're doing the same crap.
20 years later - Been there
[ In Reply To ..]I am so sorry for your situation. Is there any chance of your husband getting some professional counseling or will that suggestion just start another war? I swear, we women put up with so much crap from these babies. I know you have a lot of inner strength to have lasted these 20 years, here's to you!
Dating - old mt
[ In Reply To ..]I agree with the other posts. RUN GIRL! Unfortunately, you sound like me-but now that I am so much more seasoned I've turned into a witch (b). Your heart was in the right place but he is a putz (is that a word) and doesn't deserve you. We work too hard for the money. My husband used to treat me like a doormat - but I just finally couldn't take it and put my foot down. It may not be pleasant but you need to tell him how you feel. He needs to grow up...
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