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Active duty question

Posted: Aug 17, 2016

I've got a question regarding my active duty airforce son. He has 14 years in the service, has been deployed 9+ times and seen hard combat and the ugliness that is war. He, like many others, has PTSD, has developed anxiety and depression as well. These issues NEVER prevented him from being deployed and he has been recognized with medals for services, heroism and other duties, going above and beyond to help his servicemate, unit and many others. He is highly decorated.

He has also been suffering from what his doctor's now believe is IBS or Crohn's and is in and out of clinics and ERs very often, trying to find medications or treatment that will control some of the very uncomfortable symptoms that he is dealing with every day. Doc said it'll take a while before they find a combination of meds to control his symptoms.

About a year ago his wife left him, she thought he was selfish for "always having to leave her" to go where ever his unit had to go, and toward the end, she even resented that he just went to work. She left him with their son, and so now my son is an active duty, single dad. (I'm know I don't have the whole story, but she did leave and did not fight for custody at all.)

It turns out that my ex-DIL apparently found "comfort" with more than 1 of the guys in my son's unit, and his anxiety and depression and anger get the better of him when he has to work around these people (these guys did own up to what they did, offered an apology, but of course, there is no where they or he can be reassigned to, they are all in the same unit).

My son DOES NOT get aggressive toward these people, he is their superior and acts as professionally as he can, but inside I know he's battling with demons. He is an excellent father, makes 3 meals a day (packs lunch every day), and my 12 year old grandson is doing very well in school and is a happy boy.

My concern is that my son feels he has lost a big part of his support system in his so called friends, and that the other people have shut him out because his personal situation makes them uncomfortable. I have suggested a new church, to get involved in a new activity like bowling... I don't know. He used to be so outgoing and happy, but I think the newness of adjusting to balancing being a single dad, far away from us, and losing friends is getting to him.

I guess what I'm looking for is/are, ideas on what to say to help, to be supportive, what can I do other than what I have been doing? I go out as often as I can, but I have a fulltime job so I'm limited on time I can go. He doesn't want to date at all right now mostly because he's not ready, but because his physical health makes that difficult.

Anyone? Anything you can offer would be so appreciated. Thank you in advance.

p.s. He and his son receive weekly counselling (ordered by his commander) for the stress the divorce has caused, so he's already getting that.

;

Prayers - Rusty

[ In Reply To ..]
I too have a military family. It is tough with just the everyday things, and this piled on top. Does he have a friend/friends who did not "know" his ex? Encourage them to take him out or to dinner, off base, or just hang out with him. Maybe a group off base that has grief support because he is going through grief with all the things he has witnessed, plus all the things he has lost. Just support him, be there for him and your grandson, go on picnics, give them some normalcy. But above all BE THERE. It is such a shame the way our veterans are trained with millions of dollars and then brought home to barely any help at all. I will keep you and yours in my thoughts and prayers. Blessings.

possible transfer? - maybe

[ In Reply To ..]
Perhaps he can use his skills in a different unit. If ex was "familiar" with several guys in his current unit, it would be an understandable request to be transferred to a different unit. Would be worthwhile to ask if your son would consider moving. He could talk to his superiors and see if there's anything they can do. Keep communication open & don't let him close up or keep to himself. He needs all the support he can get. Hope things get better. He's got a lot of strength to keep himself professional with these people.

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