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Don't Understand
Posted: Aug 23, 2010
I apologize if this offends anyone. I am "Abused" from the Gab Board. I am having a difficult time understanding why God has subjected me to sibling abuse since I was a child. As a result I have no family, nothing. One minute I was a good sister, the next minute garbage that was thrown out. This has gone on for many decades. My problem is that I know it is a sin to hate. I have no money for counseling, and I am being destroyed by my resentment for her. I have accepted having no husband, children, home or money, but why has this been put on me as well? I need to stop hating and to just pray for her. It is hard when you have not made your own family. You have nobody around. My thoughts are just consumed with this. I know God is a loving God. I also know that I was not created to be treated like trash. I am ashamed to tell a minister I have hatred in my heart, but I need to deal with this. I need your prayers. Yesterday I went to a dog park in my town, and I met a young woman who had to put her darling Daschund down just last week. He was just three years old. She had her other beautiful longhaired Daschund, who is also three years old with her. It turns out this woman's mother killed herself some years ago, the woman's brother has schizophrenia, and the woman herself is a victim of abuse. Soon after we began talking she mentioned seeing Joyce Meyer recently, and I knew we were on the same page. She cried as she spoke about putting her dog down, and she talked with me like she knew me all her life. Maybe I am answering my own question. Maybe God is allowing this in my life to draw me closer to him. I want so much to be strong and to keep my faith.
;
My dad beat me every day - just another quandry
[ In Reply To ..]I spent my whole childhood waiting for God's justice on my dad, praying for it, begging for it. It never happened. My mother would not do a thing about it, all she did was pray. I told my grandparents and they quoted me the 10 commandments "honor thy father and thy mother". Was I honoring him to let his fist hit me every day? It made me very bitter. Maybe all those beating were supposed to strengthen me? Maybe I should comfort myself with the thought that "God never gives us more than we can handle"? It took me 4 1/2 decades of my life to believe God even cares about me at ALL. But I'm still waiting for undestanding why some children's entire childhoods are hell and God just lets it be.
Faith - Sibling Abuse
[ In Reply To ..]I am so very sorry. No child should have to endure that. I think (and this is just a feeling I get) that sometimes my faith gets me in trouble. If I DID NOT believe God could intervene and stop it,or better yet have prevented it in the first place I think sometimes I would be better off. It is because I DO BELIEVE God has the power to do anything and just doesn't. My good friend just said something an hour ago on the phone to me about what I am going through, and the hatred that I am feeling toward my sister. I told her because I am alone it will be so hard to compltely remove myself from the situation. She knows my sister has thrown me away my entire life, and then come back with a sweet, calm disposition, only to refuse to speak to me again and again for literally many months at a time. If I added up all the time I was cast out it would be years. My friend understands. She said I must never, ever be around her one on one, and advised that I don't do it as a punishment to HER, but as a gift to MYSELF. I need to celebrate the good in me. The other night I felt so alone and sick all over, and then I took a tablet and wrote down the names of the wonderful, supportive personal friends in my life. The list contained 12 names. They are busy with family and work, etc., but they are there for coffee, a dinner out, phone calls, etc. God has not left me completely alone. Good luck to both of us. This is a situation with pain that nobody who has not experienced it can truly understand. Thanks.
My stepmother did the same thing - Abused child
[ In Reply To ..]My real mother died in childbirth with me, which I never knew until I was about 21. I knew I was different from my family because I did not look like anyone in my family except my father. My father remarried a couple of years later (when I was 3). Whenever my father was working my stepmother would take her anger out on me. She kept telling me she never got a "honeymoon" because of me. I was so young that I didn't know what a honeymood was. Whenever she was angry, she would take it out on me (never my 2 younger brothers). She would threaten me as she was beating me, throwing me down the stairs, bashing my head against the wall where there was blood on the wall. One time she was giving me a bath (washing my hair) and she decided to hold my head under the water. I remember struggling to get my head up above the water when my father happened to walk past the bathroom and poked his head in and said what is going on? She finally let go of me and said that I was acting strange and holding my own head under water. My father always accepted what she said. She threatened me every single day that if I ever told anyone she would kill me. I believed her and still believe her to this day. I had so many bruises as a kid from her that she told everyone that I was just "accident prone." Her mother used to live with us when this was going on and she did nothing about it. She never called me by my name but called me "hey stupid" get me a soda, etc. I prayed as a little kid to God to please stop her from doing this. He never heard me ever. I went through this every single day until I was about 16 and it finally stopped. My real mother's parents knew what was going on because they said I told them but they never intervened on my behalf because according to them "they didn't want to make it worse." How much worse could it have gotten? It makes me mad that people knew but never did anything about it, not even God. I had to live with this on my own. I am 47 years old now and it still affects me. To this day I have never told my father. My brothers never got beat because they were "her boys." When I found out who exactly I was, it all made sense, everything started clicking in my head, the reason I don't look like anyone, the reason I got smacked down and not my brothers, and the reason she never got her "honeymoon." Just the sound of her voice or the way she smells makes me still want to pee my pants. I just can't get over it. When people abuse kids like that and they are not allowed to say anything about it, it stays with them FOREVER. She had everyone fooled. She got away with it but I'm the one still suffering to this day. I just can't shake what happened. My husband always gets on me because I am super quiet. I can't help that, I really can't. If I ever spoke as a child, about say what I did in school, I would get wacked because according to her "nobody asked you to talk." I would always ask God to PLEASE, PLEASE punish her or get her to stop but never did and I feel like I am still being punished. Whenever I go home to visit my father (who is now ill), I have to act like nothing happened. I had to act like nothing happened when it was happening. It's a cruel world!
Healing - Annie
[ In Reply To ..]God has given everyone a freedom of choice. A choice to live righteously or sinfully. He wants to have a relationship with each and everyone but it is up to us to choose to do so. People choosing to do evil and bring pain on others are reaping bad into their lives. You know the bible says that your rewards are in heaven. If you serve God out of a pure heart, you will be greatly rewarded when your life on earth is done. Because everyone has a free will, we cannot control what others do to us but we can most certainly control ourselves. God has given us the Bible to show us the way. He can heal you completely of your pain, because you have to know that God loves you.
OP: Please don't... - Becky
[ In Reply To ..]Please don't lose your faith. The reason that bad things happen in this world is because we live in a sinful world. Babies suffer pain, and nothing is more unfair than that. You did not deserve the pain inflicted on you in your life. God loves you and wants to help heal you. Work on your faith, building it, pray a lot, read a lot, attend church. You need Him, and He wants to be there for you. You can't change what has happened to you, but you can have a brighter future, and it starts with trusting in the Lord. I am praying for you.
Positive thoughts - Annie
[ In Reply To ..]Wow! You were able to console someone else because you could understand where they are coming from, that in itself is a blessing. I can also say, that anything worth having takes hard work. Also, keeping busy doing the Lords work and reading the word, will certainly keep your mind busy with thoughts that bring healing and not negativity that can weigh us completely down. Replacing the negative thoughts with positive thoughts, will bring healing, and then you will be more capable of meeting the husband God has for you. You know, going through things really does make us more wise, stronger and able to be redirected to a better outcome that we might not have had if we did not go through things.
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