Two Super Funny Jokes

You know why Carter voted for Obama? So Carter wouldn't go down as the worst president in history. President Obama's tax return should list Bill Ayers and Reverend Wright as dependents. Q. Who should be listed as the most expensive dependent on your tax return? A. President Obama. ...

CAR TROUBLE A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.She says, 'What's the story?' He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor' She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?' SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Jus ...

I admit I was wrong. http://beta.congress.gov/bill/113th-congress/house-joint-resolution/15 ...

News is leaking out from Hollywood executives in-the-know that the Obama White House had been leaning on, pressuring executives at NBC for the last two years to replace Jay Leno because the comedian was criticizing Obama every night. Obama didn't like it and considered it a racist attack on him. After data came to light that $100's of millions had been spent on First Family vacations during a recession, Mrs. Obama's unpopular new laws that changed food in America's schoo ...

My mom told me it was because Marilyn Monroe always played a dumb blonde. Is this true, or did it start earlier? Just curious because I'm also a dumb blonde with an above-average IQ who graduated from college with honors. Yes, I have a sense of humor. Just curious. I guess I could always Google it. Dumb blonde jokes are very funny. But why can't it be a dumb brunette occasionally? There are lots and lots of those, too! Makes me question sometimes the ...

A friend told the blonde, "Christmas is on a Friday this year." The blonde then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th." ------------------------------------ Two blondes find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station. One asked, "What if one grenade explodes before we get there?" The other says, "We'll lie and say we only found two." ------------------------------------ A woman phoned her blonde neighbor and said, "Close your curtains the ne ...

election victory, but he instead offered empathy for some Trump supporters. Full title - "'That hypocrisy is also real' — Jon Stewart takes liberals to task for calling all Trump supporters racist" Video at link. ...

So, guest dog has been having it very, very rough. He is just not happy at all, period. I took my little shih tzu (who is very, very calm and very, very good and very tiny @ a whole 5.5 pounds) and guest dog for a little walk. He got totally spooked by rabbits running everywhere (it's spring, there are rabbits all over the park) and started yanking, screaming, jumping and strangling himself. I let go of my dog's leash (she stays put) and tried to pick him up, he ...

My neighbor had to leave urgently last night due to an unexpected death in the family. They left their little dog with me and I guess it's having separation anxiety (not unusual), but his horribile anxiety and skiddishness is rubbing off on my two dogs! I got no sleep last night and didn't know how to comfort him. I crated him (he came with a crate and random, fastly give care instructions), swaddled him, put him in bed with us, put him in a dark room, a lit room, mus ...

You are blocking the trump from getting delegates, but in the meantime have you thought about the fact that cruz CANNOT beat her? Way to go, just give her the election. Geesh. ...

As a matter of fact, even though this was allegedly a "joke," other GOP goons did'nt quite get it. Texas Republican Rep. Louie Gohmert drafted legislation to allow members of Congress to carry concealed weapons in the District of Columbia - including in the Capitol itself. DC law bars individuals from carrying concealed weapons for self-defense. Betcha Gabby Giffords never could imagine after all she has been through to get herself back to work, that she would be ...

At about 1:20 mark, a producer in the background says, "Trump's Plane is about to land. If I do this, he's landed" And then she says, "If I do this, he's crashed, hopefully." You can see Suzanne Malveaux snicker and roll her eyes when she hears this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09NWpTxIuHc ...

Tea Party leader jokes about killing a president Sumter, South Carolina, Tea Party chair Sherry Lanford Smith has taken her Facebook page private after using it to joke about throwing Barack and Michelle Obama out of a helicopter. On Aug. 11, Smith wrote the following: “Obama looked at Michelle, chuckled and said, ‘You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.’ Michelle shrugged her shoulders and replied, ‘I cou ...

"Remember when President Obama’s re-election campaign and its allies complained about billionaire Sheldon Adelson giving cash to Republican super PACs? They apparently have no such qualms about radical left financier George Soros doing the same thing. Today, news broke that Soros is handing $1 million to Priorities USA Action, President Obama’s chief super PAC. It is no coincidence that this week, President Obama refused to meet again and again with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. ...

"Bill Clinton just impregnated Sandra Fluke backstage." "They're spicing things up with a live abortion on stage." Any women who thinks this is funny stuff or sees it as an acceptable was to debate these issues, particularly alleged undecideds who assert the DNC is "using" women and making them feel less self-sufficient or "independent," kindly step the right side of the aisle, stay there, take yours just desserts and meet your new mentor, whose line you will be expected to toe...or else! ...

*raising my hand* ...

Seems to me each party changes the voting laws to the point where we the people never get the government wants. All of it rigged. I see it more this year. If Trump or Clinton walk away with this, then I say we need to challenge voting systems, especially for president. This explains Super Tuesday by a historian: http://video.foxnews.com/v/4781402415001/election-history-101-how-super-tuesday-was-born/?intcmp=hpvid1#sp=show-clips ...

that she didn't know what party the PAC belonged to. She is such a dope. ...

More than two-thirds of outside spending backed losing candidates By Anupama Narayanswamy Nov 07 2012 3:54 p.m. "Republican-leaning outside groups got trounced in Tuesday's election results, with the biggest spenders getting little return for their investment. " "The results achieved by mammoth spenders like American Crossroads, a super PAC, and Crossroads GPS, a nonprofit "dark money" group that doesn't disclose its donors, gave its founders, ...

Sunday night in Houston, is infused with national politics like never before. Fox’s pregame telecast will include an interview of President Trump by Bill O’Reilly. The owner, coach and star player of one team, the highly successful New England Patriots, are friends of the president’s. Last Sunday, hundreds of people opposed to the president’s immigration policy protested at the convention center where the N.F.L. is holding many of its events for fans. The next day, many players on the ...

Sen. Bernie Sanders, the independent-turned-Democratic Senator from Vermont, proudly states pervasively that he does not have a Super PAC and he's not beholden to Wall Street ties in the same fashion as Hillary Clinton. That's true. There is no Bernie super PAC per se, but he does benefit from the super PACs within his coalition. Moreover, he's benefited from indirect Wall Street contributions and regularly attended retreats hosted by their lobbyists, according to the Wall Street ...

Seventeen claimants who previously reported incomes in excess of 10 million (whose monthly benefit averaged $5,765) along with 3000 or so who had reported incomes of greater than 1 million collected unemployment last year, despite the fact less than 20 percent of their inome is derived from actualy working with the emainder coming from capital gains. Curiously, there is no upper limit on the amount of income you can make to collect, while of course there IS a lower limit below which you be ...

Nixon once said what would prophetically become the mantra of the ultra-neoconservative: "People react to fear, not love; they don't teach that in Sunday School, but it's true." I am typically immune to most of those now-tired party tactics, much like the villagers in the story of the "boy who cried wolf." Instead, I have gone past annoyed with it and now straight to mystified by the never-ending gullibility of other villagers, who know there's no actual wolf, but just seem ...

I've come across some funny voice recognition, but this one...well, you be the judge! Dictated: ICD-9 code. Voice recognized as: Psychogenic potatoes!! ...

Here's a funny one just got not too long ago... "The patient smokes a six-pack of beer per week." DUHHHH.... ...

ASR transcribed: Follow the penis been discontinued. Should've been: Felodipine has been discontinued. ...

Dictated: Unable to assess the penis collapse. Should be: Unable to assess the venous collapse. Happy Monday!!! ...

Two Super Funny Jokes

thank you! now THAT is funny! ha ha - anon

Two Super Funny Jokes (not) - xolittledreamerxo

ha ha....cute! lol - anon

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