MIND LOCK - Last Night I "Just Turned It Off"/Abandoned My Shift: What Now?

I signed on for my normal shift at Midnight and got immediately hit with an unknown hospital,  uknown dictator from outside my CCM's 'book of work.'  I couldn't understand the dictator who was a ESL, thick accent interspersed with serial "mumbles with thick accent."  Looked for an old report, put in all the correct information, even tried adjusting it several times -- came up with no old reports. 

At this point, mental incapacitation seemed to set in; I seemed to go into an "altered state of consciousness."  It felt like --- say your pet of 20 years died, and you cried for hours and hours --- how you feel after that --- you feel like you are floating in space.  Your body has some kind of chemical cascade reaction which sends you to "LaLa Land" -- for real.   You feel as though somebody slipped you a pill of some sort  --- surrounded you with a veil of cheeseclothe -- and nothing outside the cheeseclothe is real.  You float.  You feel totally detached from what we "foolishly" call "reality"  (hey man -- if this is reality --- I'll takea good ole psychotic hallucination any day of the week).

And then, I did the UNTHINKABLE THING.  I turned to my computer and I hit "BREAK."  I sent the mumbling Indian back to from"whence she came" and I signed off my shift.  I just stopped working.  DUH.     I just stopped.   

I must have hit some "kind of a wall."   I simply could NOT do it.

I wonder what the consequences of this will be, if any.  I wrote my CCM and told her I "couldn't do it, didn't know what to do, but there didn't seem to be much sense in sitting there and staring at the computer screen if I couldn't "do it."  

My brain felt like a computer that had been given too many sets of conflicting instructions at one time; and my brain did what my computer does in that case; it shut down.  Boy did that feel a lot better than 30 seconds earlier when it was franctically "searching for a solution where there is no good solution."

I must be at the end of my "so-called rope," because I feel like I'm losing the capacity to "care" -- which is very unlike me.  I'm an inveterate worrier, generally, and hyper-conscientious --- always trying to do my 'very best,' etc. etc. etc.

I don't even feel "badly" about having abandoned my shift.   It's totally weird -- it's so not me.

I wonder what kind of "warnings/expressions of opprobrium" I wll receive, if any.  Or will I just find "my posterior-side" out on the "pavement" (so to speak) and get to start picking through the outdoor trashcans for leftover bits of McDonald's burgers -- along with the other neighborhood castaways?"  

Oh well  -- I am so fundamentally BURNED OUT with this situation, I can't even CARE any more.    Am I bititer?   I don't know.  I feel too brain-dead to know.  Maybe I'm about to start laughing hysterically.