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would this hurt your feelings just a little ?

Posted: Oct 3, 2010

My sis-in-law (my husband's twin's wife) and we have just loved this baby girl to death. I buy clothes, jammies, make her hairbows on cute little headbands, a jacket, etc, I took off work to take my sis in law to the doctor for her 2 week checkup after having the baby when she couldn't drive. I checked on her when hardly nobody else did. She doesn't have a mom or dad. I would pick something up if she needed it and take it to her. Her husband even thanked me and said you are the only person who has even checked on her. Well, I told her when ya'll go out to eat or want to do something I'd really like to keep her. Well last night she finally decided to go out to eat with her husband and leave the baby and she got a friend of hers to keep her. We don't live far from each other so that wasn't an issue. I just feel kind of hurt cause I have given and done so much. When she was in hospital I cleaned up in the house. I kept their dog for a week after the baby come home. I have went out of my way to help her and she seemed appreciative but that just hurt my feelings. I feel like when she needs something I am wonderful but not good enough to keep the baby even though we are family. It isn't a big deal but you know it just hurt my feelings. I didn't say anything to anyone, not even my husband. I don't want to seem like I'm making something of it. WOuld this hurt anyone else's feelings or am I just being petty?

;

Forgot to add she had a baby girl at the beginning...lol - anonymouse

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mm

hmm - annie

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Just wondering if you are the same anonymouse who has a pit bull named C.J. If it's you, I have to tell you that I think that if I knew you in person I would love you to death. You seem like a real sweetie and a devoted, loyal friend. But I would never let my new baby in a house with a pit bull (or a few other dog breeds too). Never ever. I know pit bull owner's don't usually understand the way others may feel, but if you think that could possibly be the cause, then try to understand it has nothing to do with you, but a motherly protective instinct.

But if that has nothing to do with it, perhaps she just felt like she would be intruding to have you watch the baby, especially since you have done so many other things for her. I always felt funny when others watched my babies because I felt like I was taking away from their free time.

It would have hurt my feelings too, but I'm sure there is a reason behind it. Try to not take it personally.

My pitbull lives outside in a fenced in yard with locks on the gate... - anonymouse

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He is never allowed inside anymore. He isn't vicious but I don't let him around kids because they tend to like to play rough and startle and he takes this wrong. So he isn't allowed to play with kids. I won't allow him around an adult unless he knows them and they want to pet him. He is a sweetheart to me but I would never let him inside with the baby in there. He's just too big and too strong and too easy to startle.

Previous Post - Curious

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I was wondering if you are the dog owner who had the young boy stay overnight, who teased your dog and got bit. If so, I am sorry because of that your dog must live outside. I am not criticizing, just curious.

Yep that's me... - anonymouse.

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Yep, you are right. That's me. I am still so sad about my dog having to stay out. I am so close to him, but my son is terrified of him and no amount of working with him will fix it. My dog reacted out of reflex to being startled out of sleep but it scared my son and he is terrified of him so that is why he has to stay outside now in the backyard. If it wasn't for him being so scared I would never have put him outside.

just curious about this - annie

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I think when you told your story about the dog bite you said it was a bulldog, and somewhere else in this thread you said he was a bulldog. When I think of a bulldog I think of one of those short stocky dogs with the flat face. I think there is a commercial with a bulldog skateboarding. That is an entirely different breed than a pit bull. Do pit bull owners often refer to them as bulldogs? I have to say that while I thought the boy's parents were unreasonable about wanting your dog to be put down, knowing now that it was a pit bull and not a bulldog makes me understand their reaction a little better, since pit bulls have such a reputation. I still think their kid was stupid for screaming in his face though.

If your son is truly afraid of the dog, I think you should consider finding him a new home. Do you think maybe your son is acting afraid just to get his way because he is jealous of CJ?

I think of him as a bulldog - anonymouse.

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I think of him as a bulldog. Actually he looks like a boxer. Everybody thinks he is a boxer, but he isn't. He has the tan with white and black markings on his face like a boxer. His snout is shorter than a typical pitbull. He is mistaken for a boxer all the time. I have lost count of the people who argue me down he is not a pitbull and I say well he is registered with papers so he must be. I often refer to him as a bulldog cause he is a type of bulldog. A boxer is also a type of bulldog as well as american bulldogs, English bulldogs, which is the short, stocky flat faced one you are referring to, and then you have a French bulldog and some other ones too that I can't remember off hand.
The fact that pitbulls have a reputation is unfair because if he wasn't a pitbull he would be looked at a lot differently. The kid did something wrong but I was to blame as well for not supervising them better. You can't leave a dog and a child unattended no matter how old the child is I have learned the hard way. I think my son is afraid due to seeing CJ in the act of biting and seeing the blood and the aftermath of his friend crying, etc. It scared him. And when he sees CJ he remembers when it happened.

I also want to say I will never own another pitbull... - anonymouse

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I won't ever own another pitbull again. Not because I don't love them or I don't love CJ. He, believe or not, is the most affectionate dog I have ever owned with me. I have had several dogs and he is the most affectionate out of beagles, yorkies, chihuahuas, muts. People don't believe it but I swear he is. He is so loving. I love him. But he is such a BIG responsibility. Love him dearly though and will always take care of him for the rest of his days. But my next dog will probably be a lazy ole bassett hound. LOL

The Pitbull reputation - Christine

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I have made no secret on this board of my love and devotion to animals. I am always reading and trying to learn more about all the breeds, and I attend dog shows and watch them regularly on TV. I agree with you. The Pitbull is a wonderful dog. They all too often fall into the wrong hands; thus, their reputation. It makes me so sad to see someone walking a Pitbull who is wearing a huge, thick chain around it's neck to look big and bad. They make wonderful family pets and are very loving. Of course, there is always the exception. This, however, can be true with many breeds. It is a question of breeding, temperament, training and environment. I wish you and your dog a happy life.

Very sad - Curious

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I remember the story, and I was so upset to think your dog was teased, startled, and acted on instinct and now must live outside. I know how that must have hurt you. I know this is a difficult thing to consider, but have you thought of possibly finding him another good home where he can live inside with no children that could possibly cause another incident? I know you love him, but what about cold, damp weather, and just being outside all the time? A family member of mine had to part with her female Boxer due to an impending divorce. She was unable to take the dog to her apartment. The dog now has a wonderful home with a large fenced yard where she can run and play. It broke her heart to part with her, but now the dog has a wonderful home. I hope you aren't offended at the suggestion. I know you love him and want what's best for him.

Why keep dog that son is scared of? Would you like to live in situation - where what scares you is outside the door? NM

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nm

pitbull - dogsdeservebetter

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You need to go to dogsdeservebetter.org. Dogs don't belong outside. They need to be inside with their "pack." They are very social animals and need love too. There are alternatives like training and stuff. There are area representatives in every state. Find a representative in your area and they can help you.

AGREE - Curious

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That was my feeling, too. Why have a pet if it is kept outside and away from people? Not saying the OP does not love her dog because I believe she does. Sometimes we need to let others know the dog is indoors and take any necessary precautions, but to let them know the dog is part of the family.

when I stress the situation... - anonymouse

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When I stressed the fact that CJ should be inside with us, that I loved him dearly, my son said you love that dog more than you love me. I said no but I do love him. He said he is always SO important to you. What about me? So I felt like he thought I was picking the dog over him no matter what his feelings were. He has always been a little jealous of CJ to begin with. He used to get mad if CJ went somewhere with us saying why does he have to go. I swear you act like he's your kid or something. I would say but he is. LOL I think he may have a little posttraumatic stress disorder too from witnessing the bite. I have always been adamant about my pets being indoors but I don't know what to do about my son.

I would love that but it isn't that CJ is mean.. - anonymouse.

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The dog isn't bad, my son is just terrified of him and the dog has never even thought of hurting him. He would play with my son and love on my son and be so gentle. He loves my son so much but my son won't have anything to do with him and I don't know what else to do. We have tried and tried. I have even thought about counseling for my son maybe. About a month ago my husband brought my dog inside while my son was sitting in the living room and my son's eyes were just terrified. I said it is okay he will not hurt you. He never has. I have stressed the reason he bit his friend over and over. He got up all teary eyed and went in his room refusing to be in the same room with our dog. I don't know what to do.

Simple, get rid of the dog or the son. Why torture your son by - keeping the dog. Is dog more important? NM

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nm

Sorry, a pit bull anywhere close would be a deal breaker for me - if I were in need of a sitter. Ain't gonna happen.

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nm

Ditto - NoDiscussion

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nm

I don't think you're being petty, - but

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Maybe she feels like you do so much for her already, she doesn't want to ask more of you by watching the baby. I know I have a hard time asking people to watch my kids, because I see it as an inconvenience to them.

well I specifically told her that I wanted to keep her ... - anonymouse.

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So she knows I do want to keep her. I don't know. Maybe she is afraid my bulldog will somehow escape from his fenced in area with a lock on the gate and open the door to my house by himself and get in. LOL Who knows?

Well you don't know how their conversation went. - annie

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Maybe it was a spur-of-the-moment thing and the other friend coaxed her into going. Don't read anything into it, just let her know you've got dibs next time!

Can't say how I would feel but if I were in her shoes - Blonde MT

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I'd probably feel that you've done so much to help me already that asking you to babysit would be taking advantage of you.

Do you know much about her friend? It might be the case that she is unable to help your friend out during the day due to work commitments etc but has offered to babysit of an evening as that is something that she can contribute.

Just my 2 cents

Could be different reasons - sm

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I can definitely understand your feeling getting hurt; although, I would not let them know this as this is a very hormonal time for her. It could be that her friend had not really seen the baby and wanted her to get to spend some time with it. My best friend is very close to me, so I could see this. Even if she didn't come around a lot right after she had it does not mean that they are not close. Never know the other person's situation, kids, work, etc.

That being said, there could be so many other reasons. Do you have kids, cats? I know I was very particular about this after I had my daughter. It was just part of the hormones and went away.

It would be my guess that she is just ready to show off her bundle of joy, and since you have already got to spend a lot of time with her, they asked a friend that they wanted to show her off to.

She is a meany! - Move on

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Your feelings are totally understandable. You were there for her like family would be in a time of need and and you even offered to babysit if she wanted to get out. Obviously this woman does not know a good thing when she has it it (you!). It\'s her loss. Move on and forget it but the next time she is looking for help, you can just be busy and unavailable.

Yeah, that'll show her! - annie

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The OP isn't looking for revenge. Good grief.

family can be too close for comfort - sm

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Maybe she had spent enough time together with you? I know if family is around each other for too long, it starts getting a little crazy. Maybe she just wants to keep her space by having her friend watch the baby. I'm sure you will be able to in the future, but since you have been there so much recently already, she might just be creating some boundaries.

I only go over once a week unless she calls for something... - anonymouse...

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I work all the time except friday and saturday.

I am sure your dog is the reason for this - sm

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I can understand that you are hurt since you have gone out of your way so many times, but I understand the mother too.

I would ask her straight forward why she did not let you watch her baby!

Do not cut the friendship without knowing why she did this.

My feelings would be hurt too, BUT, I am also afraid (sm - Yochana

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of dogs...all dogs. No matter how they were kept locked up, etc, I wouldn't leave my baby with someone that had a temperamental breed dog. Just ask her if the dog makes her uncomfortable.

would this hurt your feelings just a little? - Carolina Girl

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It would certainly hurt mine and I don't think you're being petty. I think you were extremely thoughtful and kind in your actions. Your sister-in-law may just be a little jealous of you. My own sister did the same thing when her daughter was born 21 years ago. Until that time, I had never realized that she was jealous of me in the slightest, but apparently I made her feel inadequate because babies and little kids have always responded well to me. I didn't realize this until she made a comment about her daughter smiling at me first when she was born. I told my sister that this was not a "true" smile but a reflex and she still got mad at me. She held that anger in for 7 years and then she exploded. I provided daycare for my niece free of charge for her first 8-1/2 years and then one day my sister got mad because her daughter called me "mommy" by accident so she decided she would rather pay someone to watch my niece than have her call me "mommy" again. This was after years of free daycare, carpool duty, field trips, dance lessons, new clothes, doctor visits, etc. It also hurt when my sister-in-law got married the first time and asked if my daughter (her niece) could be the flower girl but I was not invited to the wedding. When she got married the second time, I was not invited and neither were my children (her niece and nephew), and yes, I am married to her twin brother. This month will make 28 years of marriage for us. When my brother-in-law died, my sister-in-law "forgot" to include us in the "family limo" so we "forgot" to attend as I was recovering from surgery and unable to drive which she was fully aware of. I just couldn't stand it anymore since my husband (her twin) would never stand up for us. His excuse was that she was in charge of the funeral arrangements and he didn't want to deal with her husband. Her husband didn't even like my brother-in-law. We have also never been invited to her new home that she bought 5 years ago. She has three houses and I don't have the address for any of them. I don't have anything to do with her anymore. It took me years to finally realize that we would never be friends or "sisters" because she wasn't interested, so I let it go. It's funny but my husband's friends always told me that his twin sister thought she was his wife and that even when we met in college, she was playing that role. I thought they were exaggerating but they were speaking the truth.

Twins - anonymouse.

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Speaking from experience, twins are extremely close, and I had heck with my husband's twin before we got married. He hated me for the simple fact that his twin was spending his time with me instead of them always hanging out. He felt like I took his brother. He gave me heck and tried to come between us. He was single and he would try to talk my husband into going out with him and bar hopping just to try to come between us. It took him getting his own life and girlfriend before he started to like me. They are so close. Most twins are so I can totally relate to what you went through with your husband.

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