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Pets and the Elderly
Posted: Jul 8, 2013
Has anyone ever noticed that sometimes elderly people want a dog, cat or bird after a loved one dies? This happened with my MIL. She wanted a dog after her husband died, but she was at an age where two things were occurring: 1. The physical ability to care for the dog (walks, cleaning messes)was diminishing. 2. An age where the dog was definitely going to outlive her, which means someone in the family would have to take the dog. We did finally talk her out of it. I guess I'm bringing this up, too, so that family members think of all that if they decide to give an elderly person a pet to "keep them company." Pets (even birds) can be a lot of work, and someone has to "step up" and agree to take the pet when something happens to their elderly loved one. The family members would also likely be responsible for taking the animal to the vet, shots, etc., if the elderly person doesn't drive or otherwise can't handle the carrier, etc. I know someone who thought it would be cute to give her elderly mother a kitten. The thinking was that cats are easier than dogs. They're only easier because you don't have to walk them. But their litter boxes need to be kept up with, area swept regularly, etc., etc. All pets require a certain amount of physical ability, even birds. Birds make terrible messes of the floor by the cage, and they need their papers changed, etc., in addition to the feeding. I know someone who was in her 70s, and she took in 5 stray cats. The family was quite furious because nobody in the family wanted any cats when she was to pass on. It was not easy getting rid of 5 cats. It's not even easy getting rid of one cat. ;
pets are good for the elderly - sm
[ In Reply To ..]There are plenty of no-kill shelters where you can bring pets to be re-housed. It's true that you don't want an elderly loved one to trip over a pet, or to be unable to care for a pet, but there are also pet-care professionals that can walk dogs, empty litter boxes and cages, etc.
Nothing can replace the companionship and affection pets can offer the elderly. I think it's selfish to think about how your MIL's pet is going to affect you, and I think it's sad she was talked out of it.
I understand that, but... - see msg
[ In Reply To ..]Okay, how about this---at least buy them an older pet who will likely pass on before the elderly person, and make sure you or the elderly one can afford to have someone else take care of it while the elderly person is alive.
Also take into consideration that pets get sick, have diarrhea and throw up on no particular schedule that might be convenient for the person you hired.
The shelters are crowded. I think it's cruel to take a pet in, love it, then dump it in a shelter.
I hear what you're saying, but I'm trying to be fair to all. A lot of elderly people think they can handle the pet, when in fact, they can't. Their eyes also fail, which is a danger to themself or the pet. Their minds can quickly diminish, again which is a danger to themself or the pet.
Part of my reason for posting this was so people THINK before they leap into buying the pet for your elderly loved one.
fair to all - sm
[ In Reply To ..]Maybe she feels she can handle a pet. I think it would be fair to let her come to her own decision.
It sounds like you're worried that you're going to be called upon to do a lot for the pet. I can certainly understand that you don't want to take on that extra responsibility, but her son, your husband, can help with vet visits, or again, there are all kinds of volunteers in communities.
I don't think it needs to be a goal that the animal drop dead before your MIL; that would be quite sad. I do think an adult animal might be less trouble than a rambunctious juvenile, however.
As mentioned, there are lots of lovely shelters, and numerous ways people can re-home beloved pets, so no one is talking about dumping pets.
pets are good for the elderly...sm - Dog and Cat Lover
[ In Reply To ..]Excellent post! Yes, pets are good for the elderly. Cats (purring) have even proven to reduce blood pressure in their owners...studies have been done that prove so. A good choice for a senior who wants a cat is a senior cat or dog rather than a rambunctious kitten or puppy. Plenty of shelters have programs set up to adopt senior cats or dogs out to seniors at discounts. There are also plenty of dog and cat food banks and even people food banks that will give pet food to those that can prove the need (financially).
To the OP: I'm actually glad the elderly relative was talked out of a pet for that pet's sake since the elderly person's family sounds like they did not want to be bothered helping out. Such a pity. How about bringing the elderly relative to a pet shelter occasionally so she could at least visit with some of their pets and help socialize them?
p.s. I understand your concerns about safety and rightfully so. Just wanted to add that one does not "get rid of" a pet, one tries to find the pet a home when the owner passes or goes into a convalescent home. Most adoption centers now require signing a promise to return the pet to that adoption center if the person can no longer care for the pet. There are plenty of options. Even the pet's veterinarian can often help rehome the pet. Pets should never be abandoned. They cannot care for themselves.
Yes, pets are good for the elderly - OP
[ In Reply To ..]I totally agree that pets can be very good for the elderly. I just see too many people going in without their eyes open to the responsibilities. It is NOT fair to the pet, the elderly, or the family if everyone isn't on board and have a plan.
one of my mom's NH had a resident pet dog - another Carol
[ In Reply To ..]There was a garden in the center of the building that residents could go out to sit, and they kept the dog's house out there. Everyone in the building took care of that dog and the residents loved having it.
At an earlier care home, I once took a litter of kittens my cat had to a visit with my mom. It made her so, so happy and I have never regretted taking them. She let them crawl all over and around her and just touching their fur made her calm, not thinking about the dementia taking over her for a little while.
I think to deny a pet to a loved one who is asking for one is a cruel and selfish thing when there is so little left in life that brings that much joy.
I love the idea of a resident pet dog! - sm
[ In Reply To ..]I enjoyed reading about your mom and the kittens, too. What a lovely day that must have been.
If I can't have a pet when I'm old, I am demanding a stuffed animal at the very least.
Not only that - but
[ In Reply To ..]you should take away their TV sets and radios and books and any hobby supplies they have because any or all of those things might bring pleasure to an elderly person. Make sure no one ever visits them or talks to them, take away their phone so they can't talk to anyone because human interaction might bring them pleasure.
Of course, when you are old, you will understand that the elderly have no right to any kind of pleasure, so you won't ask for anything, just sit quietly in your darkened room and wait for death. Or maybe you don't expect to get old.
That was kind of unfair. - Lots of variables to consider. sm
[ In Reply To ..]We don't the mental, physical, environmental situations of the MIL.
Getting back to her original post, my elderly neighbor "Max" adopted a small dog after his wife was put into an Alzheimer's unit. This dog is a runner, Max does not have/want a fence, so the dog is tied on a leash in the front yard from early morning until late evening. Max's physical capacity has deteriorated rapidly the last 2 years, so he rarely has the energy to interact with the dog except to feed him, and does not want to hire anyone in to take care of the duties (and doodies). Nor does he want to give up the dog, very adamant about that. His family seems too busy with their own lives to do much for Max. Because of this, I totally get what the OP is trying to say.
Thank you - OP
[ In Reply To ..]I'm trying to think of pet as well as others, including the family. It is UNFAIR to bring a pet into a home, bond with the person, only to possibly end up neglected or given away.
I'm only trying to get people to THINK before they do this is all!
Because it would be just the end of the - world
[ In Reply To ..]if someone had to actually visit the elderly person and help out. How dare an old person want anything. It might be inconvenient.
OMG, the drama - OP
[ In Reply To ..]You did not hear a word I said. Pets should be discussed with ALL who are involved. It is a huge commitment, and to treat it as anything else, is neglectful to the pet. You should not get or give pets on a "whim," and the person getting a pet on a "whim," should make sure someone is available to help take care of the pet if they can't at some point. It is not "mean" of a family member to not want to end up with a dog, or 2 dogs or 6 cats, whatever.
Good grief. Pets deserve more than that. And the elderly need to be protected from harming themselves trying to take care of the pet and all the messes. I have had pets of all sorts for years, and it is a lot of work, even for a young person.
I'm just saying, have these discussions so you have a plan, so the poor pet doesn't end up with nobody, or living in bad conditions.
Well, you have accomplished one - very
[ In Reply To ..]positive thing. You have made me even more grateful for my caring, unselfish family. Even my daughter-in-law seems to like me, or at least she is able to maintain the pretense that helping me out is not a burden.
So... Thanks!
We help plenty - OP
[ In Reply To ..]...we just don't think she can safely take care of a dog is all. I just want people to go in with their eyes open. Buying the elderly a dog, can be like buying a small child a dog. If you don't step up, there's a good chance it won't get taken care of.
It would be best if you're there at all times, not just helping her walk it once in a while (if we're talking a dog), or cleaning the litter box out. They need constant supervision.
I think the poster who is getting her alcohol, demented (medical term, don't get on me for it) and depressed mother a dog is not thinking clearly. If was that daughter, I would take her mom out and have her volunteer at a shelter.
I applaud you - A devoted animal lover
[ In Reply To ..]Before ANYONE takes on the care of an animal everything has to be looked at carefully. If you or your family do not have the time, the desire, the interest or WHATEVER the case may be, thank you for recognizing that and admitting that now. It's too late after the animal has adjusted to its surroundings and its people to say it wasn't a good thing. Case in point: I know personally people, who for YEARS and YEARS (Goes back decades) who get a beautiful dog and keep it for no more than two to three months. This just happened again very recently. These people live next to a relative of mine. My relative remarked about not seeing this latest dog (the most gorgeous female Beagle puppy) out anymore. The man replied "Well, things were going good, and then she made a mess in the house." He always says his wife wants a dog, and then he ends up caring for it. It is a habit. It is no more than a whim. It is like they are renting a car, and then taking it back when there is no longer a need for it.
Thank you again for putting the needs and life of the animal in the forefront. More people should do exactly that.
I Appreciate That - OP
[ In Reply To ..]Thank you. People here obviously think that because I'm trying to be realistic, I'm mean-spirited. I never once said that I hate animals, my MIL, or anything else. Pets deserve the very best of care, and my MIL nor my family can do that at this time.
We ourselves (hubby and I) have taken in and adopted neglected or unwanted exotic birds. You can't imagine how many people think that a pretty bird is just a show piece, then get angry when the thing makes a big noise or needs attention. Each of our birds is very special to us, and we never once thought about getting rid of any of them because they were noisy or messy. It's just cruel. We have had 2 of the 4 of them for over 25 years. We have stopped taking them in, because we ourselves ARE thinking ahead as to what is going to happen to them when we get into our 70s and 80s. We are in our early 60s. Exotic birds can last as long as a human.
Pets deserve the utmost of time and thought before taking them in. You don't take it in just because it's cute or whatever. They need a lot of good, proper care and attention.
While my MIL can certainly give a pet a lot of attention (and she's very sweet and good at it), she cannot give it the proper care, and nor can hubby or myself.
People tend to react emotionally when someone says anything about not wanting a pet or wanting the responsibility. I think it's selfish to take one in or get one for someone else, knowing that it won't be taken care of properly.
what makes you say MIL cannot give a pet - proper care?
[ In Reply To ..]You are very attached to the idea that your MIL is not capable of giving a pet proper care, and not capable of making her own choices with respect to how she would like to live her life.
Because - OP
[ In Reply To ..]...MIL (I posted this somewhere here, not sure which subject line) is wobbly as it is. I totally do not believe that she is physically and mentally able enough to walk the dog, bend and stoop for the food without possibly falling, keep on top of possible fleas, be careful enough to not let the dog out and run in the street, etc. Pets are a lot of work. She is 85 years old, forgetful as well. She surely would treat the pet properly in terms of being kind to it and petting it and things.
We come over regularly to do all her cleaning, shopping, doc appointments, etc., and are not in a position to also take on the dog.
how did you get up to 2 dogs and 6 cats? - lol
[ In Reply To ..]talk about drama! Hey, I agree that pets should not be taken in on a whim without first evaluating all the pros and cons. That said, the notion that the elderly need to be protected from themselves is not the same thing as assuring their safety and well-being.
You keep saying MIL is not capable of taking care of a pet, but you don't say why. You are only talking about yourself. I have had pets for years, and can't really account for your theory about "the pet and all the messes." I think that's a little dramatic, too.
Because she has been known to - Take in 6 cats as well!
[ In Reply To ..]And pets do so make messes--food bowls, bowel troubles, tummy troubles, shedding hair....
I don't think it's so bad for the dog to have to - go to a new home
[ In Reply To ..]not as bad as it is for the woman who is quite old and wishing for a companion for what are the last years of her life.
I think the dog or cat will recover just fine from the trauma of being moved to a new home. I think it's more important to provide comfort to a person who is at the end of their life than to worry about a pet's feelings because it will be relocated eventually. It seems like you care more about the pet's happiness than your mother-in-law's.
I think you pointed out the selfishness of the family which - another Carol
[ In Reply To ..]seems to match that of the OP. Family should be helping, not just with "Max's" dog, but with "Max" in general. I was really blessed to be with my mom in her late years, including all the hard work aggravation, getting along with family members I would rather avoid, etc., etc., etc. I did it as much for me as for her. I wanted to look back and have good memories of those years, not regrets and shoulda/coulda/woulda's.
Maybe he values the dog - because
[ In Reply To ..]his family is too busy or too selfish to have much to do with him.
If you had a loved one who had a beloved pet, could you take it away? I could never do that. I wouldn't want to go through the rest of my life knowing that I was the one who made the last years of someone's life less happy.
Unfortunately, many people are kind and caring only when it is convenient for them and when doesn't cost them anything in effort or money or time or something else they value. Doing the kind thing isn't always convenient or easy, but it is always right.
Pets help keep people mentally sharp - Norrie
[ In Reply To ..]I have read about the positive effects of pets on the elderly, particularly those living alone in helping to keep a sharper mental status. Having something to care for probably helps emotionally, too, to keep an elderly person on his/her own feel connected. I'm so glad that nursing facilities have resident animals now. Once we brought our cat to see my grandmother, and her roommate just looked so happy, and then she said, "I haven't seen a cat in so long." How awful! For an elderly relative who has lost a loved one, a pet doesn't seem like a major burden if that's what it takes to give her some peace and comfort.
Yes, if an elderly family member wanted a pet - sm - XXX
[ In Reply To ..]it should be discussed with those closest to that person. My elderly neighbor's dog died a couple years ago. He debated about getting another dog (He is 76 or so, bad heart, bad knees, breast cancer survivor). His daughter lives nearby, loves animals so doubt her taking the dog in would have been an issue, but we did tell him that if he decided to get a dog that we would gladly take it in if needed (we have 3 dogs now, no problem with a fourth if it came to that). He decided not to as he takes care of the other neighbor's dogs a lot, they hang with him daily (the dogs that is, 3 labs), and he takes care of our 3 dogs a few times a year when we go away, as well as visits them daily at our fence to give them a treat. That gives him his fill w/o all the responsibility and he is content with that.
But if he ever changes his mind he knows we will take care of whatever pet he may get.
My mom is 84 and wants another dog.. - sm
[ In Reply To ..]We had to put her lab down last year because of old age/heart problems. She is very lonely. I live a couple miles from her and see her often, but she's alone at the house. She has neighbors she visits with, but again she is alone. I brought my American Bulldog to visit her (they are best buddies) and she said she feels ready for another dog - what did I think. I thought about her dementia, alcoholism, other health issues, and continuing decline, and also thought what great companionship this would be for her again and maybe help her dementia and alcoholism level out or decrease somewhat (depression plays a major role in this too, because she's alone).
I went to her house last weekend and broached the subject. She got so excited! I know that when she does pass, I will end up with the dog, but that's fine. No puppies though, way too much all the way around. Don't want an elderly dog to go before her - it's too difficult for elderly people, they are losing their friends and it just brings mortality right to the face. So, I think I've found a 3-1/2 AB at a rescue to adopt. Gonna surprise her :)
I truly believe that sometimes you have to put your elderly parents first, suck it up and put yourself last. So what if turns into something inconvenient? The joy and happiness this will bring far outweighs any inconvenience.
Get your MIL a pet and let her have some happiness - you and your family have your lives ahead of you, she doesn't.
sending you a virtual hug - nm - another Carol
[ In Reply To ..]wow. thank you.
Thank you! Hugs are always welcomed :) - nm
[ In Reply To ..]:)
Can just see the conversation now - Hey Mom - You're going to die soon
[ In Reply To ..]The OP seemed fairly callous though she made some good points. But I'll be darned if I'd be telling my elderly parents not to get a pet based on the fact that the pet might outlive them! Next she'll be telling them not to buy green bananas.
We gave her the facts is all - OP
[ In Reply To ..]"Mom, we work full time. You will be responsible for taking the dog outside to do his business and get exercise. You will also be responsible for any accidents that happen in the house, poop or pee or diarrhea. If something happens to you, we will not be taking the dog in, but we will try to find it a good home. We will shop for any dog food and will take the pet to the vet when needed."
I think that was perfectly fair.
Sounds okay - Hey Mom
[ In Reply To ..]I just wouldn't be highlighting her mortality. This could be the last day on earth for any one of us and most of us don't worry too much about what will happen to our pets; I would never assume my kin would take in my animals but I trust they would make the best arrangements they could in that situation.
Thanks, we are not mean - Just realistic
[ In Reply To ..]We were quite tactful. This is a basically nice woman, but she doesn't seem to care what might befall someone else or what might happen to the pet. We needed to let her know that we do not want a dog--I think she has a right to know that her dog will not be coming to live with us. We do have our own pets, but we are winding down and do not want the responsibility of another pet, particularly a dog who needs human attention. I quite think it's cruel to take in a dog then leave it by itself all day.
MIL lives in a house with stairs (no, she won't move to a single-floor house) and is quite wobbly and in danger as it is, without chasing, bending, cleaning messes, tugging with a leash, etc. We do all her house cleaning, all her shopping, take her to all her doc appointments, etc., etc., so don't anyone tell me we are selfish and don't want to do anything for her. We have our hands full is all.
The best thing that could happen is if we all move into a single-floor duplex situation where we can keep a closer eye on her, but she won't move.
your words speak for themselves - sm
[ In Reply To ..]So, your MIL "is a basically nice woman, but she doesn't seem to care what might befall someone else." What a pejorative assessment.
I cannot imagine turning to an elderly loved one and reminding them that when they die, I'm not taking their pet.
As for all the "chasing, bending, cleaning messes..." - are you serious? Cats are pretty self-sufficient. What about a little parakeet?
I give up - OP
[ In Reply To ..]She should certainly care what happens to that pet when she "goes." I personally would not dream of taking in a pet, assuming someone in the family is going to take care of it after. Hubby and I (he's an only child) are in no position to give a dog proper care.
As to cats, they need their litter box scooped out every day and they need to be fed every day and hair cleaned up. The only reason they're self-sufficient is because you don't need to walk them outdoors.
You all totally lost the point of this whole thing. Pets are important and need proper care, period. The pet is going to bond with her, then what? She is 85 years old. Maybe I should have said that first off. She is not 60 years old and is in no position to properly do anything for a dog or a cat. Parakeet? Maybe, if she keeps the wings clipped so the thing doesn't fly away or catch one on the cage and bleed to death. (Yes, that happens. You should keep the wings clipped.)
Well, OP, it was the tone of your post that rubbed me the wrong way. sm - Dog and Cat Lover
[ In Reply To ..]that phrase about getting rid of cat(s) was very callous and easy to tell you dislike cats and dogs. At least that is the impression you give. Maybe if you had worded your original post differently....? But, this was a good discussion actually.
I did word that in the wrong way - OP
[ In Reply To ..]I do like cats and dogs. If the truth be known, I do not want a houseful of them, or even one at this time of my life.
I should have said, "it would not be fair to the pets or other family members to take in 6 cats if they don't want the cats at some point. It would be almost impossible to find good homes for 6 cats."
Okay - I am mean, rotten and nasty
[ In Reply To ..]Terrible, terrible person I am for admitting that MIL is in no position to care for a pet, and that hubby and I are in no position to take in any more pets than we have.
Not a one of you who came down on me bothered to read the number 1 on my original post: She is not in any position to care for a pet. You thought we were horribly mean for number 2, someone else needing to take the pet in when MIL passes on.
Pets are not stuffed animals. They actually bond to their caregiver. Or are YOU only thinking of yourselves so you have something to keep you company?
that's your point of view - sm
[ In Reply To ..]Plenty of us have addressed lots of different points. I can't believe you would say: "Or are YOU only thinking of yourselves so you have something to keep you company?"
You continue to say MIL is in no position to care for a pet. Perhaps she is, perhaps she isn't. It's certainly not for me to decide, but what is clear is that you cannot separate your own self-interest from the question. In your OP, you even describe "finally" talking her out of it.
I was one of the first posters to say I understood your not wanting to have to take responsibility for the pet, so you can't accuse me of not understanding your point.
The fact that you and hubby are in no position to take in any pets has nothing to do with your MIL's wishes. You don't have to be the one who takes in the pet; there are many alternatives.
I think you are using this as a control issue, and it's not necessary. If you want to be in control of your MIL's life, that's your prerogative, but I think you should stop trying to make yourself feel better by pointing out how thoughtful you are about animals.
MIL is not in a position - To take care of a pet!
[ In Reply To ..]I know my MIL and she is in no condition to take care of a pet, I said that straight off. I see her almost every day. You are the ones who came down on me for (heaven forbid) trying to be practical. I'm the one who was called selfish here on the boards for being realistic.
"we are the ones..." - sm
[ In Reply To ..]To tell us that we came down on you for being practical is simply nonsense. No one is calling you selfish for being realistic.
We are questioning your desire to limit your MIL's choices - and your attempts to legitimize that control - with silly arguments about inheriting six cats, or parakeets bleeding to death.
There's one thing though to think in all this - sm
[ In Reply To ..]I didn't comment on your post, though I had plenty to say about it, but some of the other posters said what I thought.
Here's the thing. Your talking about what would you do with the pet if she dies. That could happen to any one of us. There are plenty of us (I have lots of cats myself), what if something happened to me or my DH. We don't have kids and we don't have friends. What would happen to our beloved babies. That thought is too sad, but going by your original post then nobody should have a pet unless they first make arrangements for someone to take it "just in case" we keel over.
I think your post was wrong on all account. Elderly people make the best pet owners and pets are great companions for elderly people. Your situation doesn't fit every one's case and you should not be preaching to everyone about whether or not an elderly person should have a pet. My grandpa was 93 years old and had a pet and that pet was the best companion he had after my grandma and his second wife died. He lived alone, but had family come and see him every day. Nobody has the right to tell their parents they cannot have a pet cos "what if you die, OMG we might actually have to step in and find a home for the pet. After all don't inconvenience us".
Of course, any of us could keel over - OP
[ In Reply To ..]...but the older one is,the more likely they are going to go before the family does.
I am only preaching to think about these things before jumping in and getting the elderly one a pet. Know going into it that it could be very soon that the elderly person would not be able to take care of the pet on their own. You have to be willing to take on the responsibilty of the pet.
I surely do love cats and dogs, but I am not in a position to do it. I have my exotic birds we adopted and we are quite filled.
I don't understand... - sm
[ In Reply To ..]I don't understand why you keep repeating "you have to be willing to take on the responsibility of the pet." It's just not the case. There are always alternatives.
Your whole argument hinges on one potential outcome that you alone are defining. At the same time, you are denying that other outcomes are possible!
If you don't want your MIL to have a pet, fine. But I'm not going to help you build a case about it.
Then who is going to take on the responsibility? - Is it not a responsibility??
[ In Reply To ..]Since when is having a pet not a responsibility? The alternative is to find someone else to take care of it if (when) MIL passes on. We are not going to have the animal put to sleep because she passed on--I don't consider that an alternative.
(who said anything about putting the animal to sleep?) - sm
[ In Reply To ..]what on earth are you talking about? If you don't want MIL to have a pet, that's fine. You don't have to give me a reason. But in any event, you certainly don't have to take responsibility for the pet; it's easy enough to re-home the pet. Like you said, an alternative is to find someone else to take care of the pet.
My mom is elderly...she doesn't want a pet - wheres_my_job
[ In Reply To ..]It's not only that my mom can't take care of a cat, even if she didn't have to take care of it (which she doesn't), she still doesn't want a pet in the household, because it's TOO MUCH for her to deal with another living thing. It's just too much. Other people may be different. (She has some emotional issues, and has had them her entire life).
it's good that she knows what she wants - and doesn't want
[ In Reply To ..]Every situation is different.
Glad she knows her limitations - She is doing the right thing
[ In Reply To ..]...she is doing the right thing by admitting she can't handle the pet. Not everyone has that insight.
I would agree to take care - of
[ In Reply To ..]all the cats and dogs in the world if it meant I could have my Dad back.
Something to think about - this makes me smile
[ In Reply To ..]This is exactly why elderly should have pets if they want them. Every time I see this it makes me smile.
That picture completely melted my heart. <3 - nm
[ In Reply To ..].
I love it - this makes me smile
[ In Reply To ..]I saw that and thought this has to be what happiness is. That kitten is going to be so loved and that man is going to have years of happiness.
Every time I feel down I look at that picture. It makes me so happy I almost start crying.
beautiful - thanks
[ In Reply To ..]
My MIL is 84.... - sm
[ In Reply To ..]and she has always had dogs. When her last dog died at 14 a few years ago, she said never again. She has always been very independent, lives on her own, drives, etc. and I could tell she was lonely in the house by herself. I saw an add on Craig's list for a little white dog and went to look at it. My husband said no way because the dog had just had puppies and had nipples hanging all over, was really skinny and generally looked a mess. I looked at her little face and said that this was the one and took her. When we got to my MIL's house she wanted nothing to do with her, said she looked horrible and generally bitched and moaned, so I told her if she did not want the dog that she should take it to the shelter and left. A couple hours later I ran into her at Pet Smart buying her a pink collar and had decided to call her Molly. Three years later, she would die without this dog, who is now a fat little thing who follows her everywhere and is her best friend. Long story short, I insisted she have a dog because I knew it would be good for her mental and physical health and I was correct. She might die before the dog, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. She takes her to the vet and groomer, but if I have to start doing that stuff I will. Our whole family are dog people; we have about 20 between us, so we fully support it.
I agree in your case - NK
[ In Reply To ..]Apparently your MIL needed your permission to do something that she thought would fulfill her life and give her companionship. I have 2 cats that will no doubt outlive me. Because my relatives have the same mindset as you and would have no qualms about dumping them at the county high-kill shelter, I have made arrangements for my cats' care when I die and have a trusted friend who will make sure that my wishes are complied with since I can't trust my relatives to care one iota what happens to my cats.
Every day I see postings of elderly (and not so elderly) cats and dogs who have been displaced because of the death or illness of a caregiver. Once in a while, they're re-homed, but in most cases they're euthanized after being terrified to all of a sudden find themselves in strange surroundings in a shelter cage.
I might add that your wording of "get rid of" and "buy" (because of the millions of cats and dogs that are available in shelters but are euthanized) make my hair stand on end.
My Mindset - OP
[ In Reply To ..]My mindset is exactly the opposite of what you said---to not have the poor pet end up in a shelter. Families need to discuss these things. I'm not sure if your family simply said they didn't want pets, and you decided they wanted them killed, or what. Just because someone doesn't want, doesn't feel they can take care of, etc., a pet, doesn't mean they hate animals and want them killed. They just don't want the responsibility of a pet, it's a big one and should not be taken lightly.
Anyway, that was smart of you to make other arrangments if the others can't, won't, don't want to step up and take it on. See? We agree--discuss these things.
no discussion necessary - NK
[ In Reply To ..]I'm an adult and self-supporting so I really don't need to discuss anything with a relative. Considering that I've known my sister for 71 years, I know very well her negative feelings about animals. God knows I've heard them often enough. Whether or not the rest of them can't, won't, don't want to step up and take it on is of no consequence to me. I wouldn't want them to for various reasons. As I said, I've made my own arrangements and am very relieved not to have to worry about it.
What does your husband think? - nm
[ In Reply To ..]
I was wondering that as well. - nm
[ In Reply To ..].
My husband - Does not want a dog
[ In Reply To ..]My husband does not want a dog, either. If he did, I'd say go for it. We're in our early 60s and really (at this time of our lives) are not wanting to take on any pets except the ones we have.
but how does he feel about MIL having a pet? - sm
[ In Reply To ..]I understand neither of you want a dog. I was wondering what your husband thought about his mom having a pet of some kind. Again, this has nothing to do with you having a dog.
It does have to do with us wanting a dog - Or not, because...
[ In Reply To ..]...she is 85 years old, not in good health, and we're certainly are not wanting to put the dog in a shelter when she goes, or put it to sleep. Those are not good options. Her neices and nephews are not wanting another pet, either; they have their own and kids and full time jobs.
There is no viable contingency plan.
Let us not forget that it is not wise for her to have to take care of a pet, no matter how much we come over and help.
No viable contingency plan? - LOL
[ In Reply To ..]Seriously?
Put up a sign at the local supermarket. Put an ad in Craigslist or the newspaper. You don't have keep the pet after your MIL dies.
People deal with this all the time, it's really not that difficult.
Dump the dog to a stranger? - Now who is mean?-OP
[ In Reply To ..]xxxx
It is not mean to give the dog to a new family. - Good grief.
[ In Reply To ..]Haven't you ever had a pet have babies? Like I said, put out the ad and meet some people who respond. Common sense will dictate whether they seem decent or not.
Again, this is simple stuff.
silly wabbit - nm
[ In Reply To ..]
obviously, it does - sm
[ In Reply To ..]you keep making this about how you don't want to end up caring for a dog. There are, indeed, other alternatives, other viable contingency plans. You might as well tell your MIL it's not worth it because she is going to die sooner rather than later. Isn't that the point?
It sounds like she's skirting around the issue by - jumping straight to
[ In Reply To ..]"My husband doesn't want a dog," as an answer instead of saying "he wants her to have a pet" or "he doesn't want her to have a pet."
To specifically answer your subject line question - ...see msg
[ In Reply To ..]Hubby does not feel it is wise for her to have a pet, for the safety reasons I mentioned. The reason #1 in my original posting. Nobody seems to get that here.
She wants a dog, not a bird or anything else.
rescues - tristan
[ In Reply To ..]Simple solution, go to a rescue organization, pick a dog, see if she can care for it or not, and they will take the dog back if it is not a good fit, if she dies, they still take the dog back, perfect solution.
That really is a simple solution. Bravo - nm
[ In Reply To ..].
Our Simple Solution - If it works
[ In Reply To ..]Since MIL lives in an environment that is a danger to her (too many steps in her house), if we buy a one-story Duplex with sort of a common yard, she can have a dog and we will help her take care of it, as we will be right there and can keep an eye on her and the care of the dog. We all need to be closer in proximity anyway (like, where we can keep an eye on her), so this is a good solution.
We think that's perfectly reasonable. She needs to be kept safe, and this is incentive for her to go into a safe environment.
She's pondering it over.
:) Well done! - nm
[ In Reply To ..].
Thank you! - OP
[ In Reply To ..]Hopefully, she'll come around and allow us to let her be in a safe place....
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