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Need a kind word
Posted: Mar 18, 2014
I'm officially retired, 69 years old, divorced, no kids, the only child of deceased only children. I have absolutely no family, and only few casual friends, and my two beloved, aged, dogs. I've lived in my house for 45 years, and am no longer able to afford the maintenance on it, and it's in horrible shape. I had a major flood due to a burst radiator pipe over the weekend which flooded my dining room, into my kitchen and living room. Saw the insurance adjustor who will pay for the damage, and have a "restoration" guy coming tomorrow. Repairing that damage is only the tip of the iceberg. This was the straw that broke my back. I have decided it's time to move to a retirement community, and actually found a nice one that I can afford (cottages rather than apartments) about 30 miles from home, so in my comfort zone. I have been accepted and can probably move in the summer. I'm at a loss of what to do with all my "stuff." I look at heaps of things all over the house, get overwhelmed, and walk away. I love my home, and every time I think of leaving, I cry. I cried the whole time the insurance adjuster was here. I cry when I think of my baby hydrangeas I planted last year, and for the tomato seeds I just bought to plant in a starter. I look around this poor old house that I love, and will soon sell, and I cry. I'm terrified of doing this by myself, but there really isn't anyone to ask for help, and I'm nervous about moving to a retirement community for fear of being with only old people, as I don't see myself as old or infirm. Please don't slam me. I'm sorry to whine, but I've never been this low and scared. ;
Have often thought of the what if - Sarah
[ In Reply To ..]I am sorry for your situation, I really am. I kind of fit your situation but I have thought of the what if say, my husband died. I really do not have anyone here in this city that would be of any help or assistance to me, no friends, a little family but again. Have you thought perhaps of taking in a person that you could rent a room to, if you have room in your home, someone close to your age, your same life situation. That is exactly what I have thought of when I get the what ifs. I have a really big house and would hate to move, almost paid for and a reasonably young house. That does not mean you don't have issues with a home if not renting. I would also hate to think about your having to give the pets up. What about them? I know that might be a small issue to some but for me to have to even think of giving my animals up would be same as starting a knock down drag out fight and I am hardly the age to do that. Can you even consider another person or 2 more people to help you out financially so you would not have to give up your home? Again, things don't usually get to me but your story has and now tears make it hard for me to see the page I am typing on. Do you think that is doable?
Good for you! - anony
[ In Reply To ..]I'm so glad you have a tentative plan "just in case." My house is small, and I don't think I could tolerate a roommate 24/7. My dogs are welcome at the residential place, or I'd never go there. I'd give my life for my dogs. They're both very old, deaf, and with cataracts. Another terror I have is that something will happen to them in the midst of everything else.
Anony - Gertrude
[ In Reply To ..]You are not whining, and I am not going to slam you. You have some very valid concerns. I am nearly 68, have absolutely no family (I was an orphan) and stil work half a day each day to bring in some money to supplement my SS. I might mention I live in a building that has regular (i.e. full pay) apartments, as well as HUD apartments. I am very fortunate to be able to afford a full-pay, but I am also glad that HUD is here for those who need it. The apartments are exactly the same for everyone. I live in what is called an independent living center. We have a mix of everything from 62 years or above, as well as some disabled people. You have to be either 62 or disabled to move in. I was afraid to move, but I did it, and I have never been happier. You can be as involved or as private as you want. I am kind of the quiet sort, so do not get involved in the activities programs (which they have every night) but others do and enjoy it. My neighbor down the hall goes to a movie every afternoon. (We have a small movie theater in the basement.) We also have a meal program, one meal a day is included in your rent. While you would never mistake the food for the Waldorf Astoria, it is nourishing and edible. And they give so much that there is enough to take home for the night meal, too. I have met some really interesting people here, all races, all nationalities, many different languages. We are also allowed to have pets--a cat or a dog under 25 pounds. No birds, no snakes. I think there is a trend toward independent living. This place is waaaay cheaper than the apartment from which I moved, and all of the utilities are paid on top of that. You might call your state's Department of Aging and ask for a list of independent living apartments for seniors. I truly do wish you luck. Please don't be afraid. There are a lot of resources out there that can help you. God bless you.
And bless you, Gertrude - anony
[ In Reply To ..]This place I found is in a very small PA city, and has independent cottages, and you can transition to assisted living and then nursing home if ever needed without a change in cost. I spent days researching, and a high-rise apartment wasn't appealing, and the cheapest one I could find, for a 1 bedroom was $1750/month with $175k entrance fee (refundable when you leave or die). The cottages have the same amenities, all utilities paid except phone, and I get to choose interior amenities (counter tops, carpet, etc. The monthly rent is only $700. What I save in heating fuel for my house and gas and electric per month is almost the same as the rent. There's a choice of meal plans, but it has a full kitchen with washer/dryer, and I really love to cook. It's also appealing, as it is in a quiet, semi-rural setting.
The what if lady says sounds good - and if you can have the doggies
[ In Reply To ..]then it sounds even better. I have 5 bedrooms, use 1 for my office, 3 full baths and a half so loads of room. Before moving to where I am now lacking 1 year had lived there 30 years so quite a change. I love my home but could never see going somewhere my animals could not go with me. I think you have a win, win situation with what you have said, easier for you, less money, keep the furries and more peace of mind in the long run. I remember some years ago an aunt and her husband moved to Florida, staying there for way longer than they should. They finally were unable to live on their own anymore and their sons had to help them move to assisted living but by dragging their feet almost to the last resort type situation. Don't feel sad, instead look that you are improving your situation for the best. Wishing you the best and come back and give us an update, hope things go well.
That sounds very much like - xx
[ In Reply To ..]the retirement center my parents lived in in PA. Is it by any chance operated by Menonites? My folks made wonderful friends in their retirement community who looked out for them and really made them feel part of the community when they moved in. I hope you have a similar experience in your community.
Quite similar - anony
[ In Reply To ..]Yep, southern PA, slightly north of the MD state line, south of York, but run by the Lutheran church.
Ah, my folks' community - xx
[ In Reply To ..]was near Gettysburg. Your community sounds very nice. My folks had Lutheran Home Care help them out several times while they were living in the retirement community, and they were wonderful.
Maybe you could start a community garden or grow some tomatoes in big pots if you have a sunny outdoor spot. My folks did that.
Have you inquired from the retirement community whether there is a relocation service they recommend? I was referred to a great company at my folks' community when I had to clear out their house after my dad passed away. They also helped people move out of their big homes and into the retirement community and took care of selling the extra furniture and taking donated items to the selected organizations and all the things that are so overwhelming. Something like that might be a big help to you.
Once you get settled in to your new community, things will start to look a lot brighter. I hope you find much happiness there.
Betcha it's the same outfit - anony
[ In Reply To ..]These Lutheran retirement people have, I think five locations in PA, one in Gettysburg. I couldn't find any run by Mennonites.
My hands are tied until I get the wet carpet in two rooms ripped up and floors refinished. I talked to a realtor, and will eventually schedule an official apt with her, and hopefully she will help with relocation services. I sure can't do it alone!
Small steps - sm
[ In Reply To ..]Whatever you decide to do, I would start freeing yourself of all that "stuff." Perhaps start with a broad sort. Throw away things that you do not like or are outdated. Fill up some boxes for the Salvation Army. Take what you can for recycling, and start a box for things you absolutely have to have; i.e. pictures, whatever. If that seems overwhelming, start with one corner, one drawer, or one closet. The important thing is to keep going!
The decision to move: I have a close friend who moved to independent living. She absolutely loves it. She has a group of friends around her whenever she wants. She is very active and is always going places.
My sister moved to similar. She also is active, but it is more pressure for her to be around people. There are days when she wishes she was back in her house.
My mother-in-law is still in her own house. She does much of the maintenance herself, can handle a wrench and hammer and a "do-it-yourself" book. She gets people to help her out. I think she would do pretty well if she would hire a handyman a couple of times a month.
Your house sounds neglected. Perhaps you can find a retired handyman who could work on small projects, one project at a time. It also sounds like you need to join some groups, perhaps a book club, gardening club? To tell the truth, I have often been jealous of alcoholics because they have AA!
I do think the independent living is a good transition.
KIND WORD! - Smiles
[ In Reply To ..]I moved from my home a few years ago after living there 28 years, had 2 children there, a beloved dog, a grandchild stillborn in the family room. Smile/Tears. It will be okay! I can tell you that the THOUGHT of moving caused WAY more heartache than the actual day of going to the closing and signing the papers. Do the repairs and then contact an "estate sale" company. They will come in and buy ALL your stuff and do a sale and handle it all for you, and you will not even have to be there. You are going to LOVE getting rid of all your clutter and the freeing feeling of starting anew! Sending XOXO
God Bless You, you are not alone. I'm sort of in the same - MT59
[ In Reply To ..]boat, but I do have family sort of close by.
MT59, sound like me having family sort of - close by
[ In Reply To ..]Might be close, might be family but helping you out, probably a friend would be better.
NEED A KIND WORD - 16TRANSCRIBER
[ In Reply To ..]You are just scared of the process. Let go and let God. You will enjoy being around others and soon forget about what you left behind. You will wish you had thought of it sooner. Hire someone to do a living estate sale. They come in and price and sell everything for you! God bless you! You will be fine!
OUt of the box thinking here - Just a thought
[ In Reply To ..]This may not be something you can even contemplate, but here's what happened to me: I lost my home 7 years ago after a superhuman effort to keep it. Unlike you I did have family to stay with temporarily but I ended up in an RV on my own land. I have rescued some dogs and had my own cats and I am happier than I have ever been. Perhaps you could look into the "tiny home movement"? Google it. You might be able to get a very small home on a small piece of land - keep your animals and replant your garden. I am a few years younger than you are but if you are in good physical shape you might be able to reclaim your life and redesign it by living on your own - just in a smaller more affordable footprint.
I hope it helps to know you are not alone.
Thank you - anony
[ In Reply To ..]You guys are the best, and I'm so thankful for the wonderful suggestions. You've given me a glimmer of hope! Okay, crying again!
Just a thought - Old Pro
[ In Reply To ..]I just want to say that you sound like a very wise woman. I just spoke to a woman who went to work today and--BAM!--EPIC had taken her job with no warning to her from the hospital. It could happen to anyone at any time. Your solution is brilliant.
Thought - sm
[ In Reply To ..]Have you checked with your town or county to see if they offer free/reduced fee repair services for seniors? There are a few communities in my area (IL) that offer that type of service. I'd start with your local senior center for direction.
Another option might be to contact Habitat for Humanity.
Good luck and lots of hugs to you!
For anyone - a little help
[ In Reply To ..]I used to work for the fuel assistance/weatherization program. If you qualify, sometimes you can get help insulating and weather proofing your home, freeing up money from energy savings that you can use to fix other things. I know that sometimes helped fix water damage under our health and safety guidelines. The utility companies sometimes helps with stuff like this too.
Wow - anony
[ In Reply To ..]You guys are the best! What a wealth of knowledge. Each and every one of you deserves so much better than you're being given credit for. I hate that!
Idea for career change - People Advocate
[ In Reply To ..]I think this idea would be very good for a paralegal with social work/health care background.
I would like to sign up with someone who would counsel me on financial retirement planning, help solve life needs, and someday act as power of attorney. Sort of a life coach for the long term.
Now, I need some help figuring out how to start drawing retirement funds and there are many options. Down the road I might want to relocate or I might need some help with health needs or chore services--someone to make sure I get to appointments, take meds correctly, etc. Later, I might need someone help me make the transition to assisted living and/or nursing care. I worry I will be the old cat lady with 25 cats someday.
The service I imagine would probably need to be bonded, have some sort of license credentials, etc. I would like to establish some sort of relationship before I actually had to entrust someone to help me with these decisions.
a kindred spirit here - bebe
[ In Reply To ..]Dear Anony: I so related to your post. I'm a bit younger (56) and live with my 81yo mom. All my relatives are deceased and I have no children. When mom passes, all my "people" will be on the other side. I often wonder about the future. We already downsized to a smaller home and probably I will go to an apartment at some point. (Who needs all the work/maintenance of a home/yard?).
Anyway, may I suggest what has helped me face a somewhat lonely future? My faith is HUGELY important to me. After changing churches for a while, I found the most wonderful church filled with loving people... and not that fake kind of love ... people who I have developed really true deep friendships with. I know they are my "family" and I can count on them. I've also taken great joy in doing things for others (the best thing to get your mind off yourself). Making sandwiches for the mission, bible study, even asked to serve as church elder. It brings so much meaning to my life and I know God is with me ALWAYS.
Anyway, this is long. Just want you to know you are NOT ALONE. There are many of us with similar circumstances, getting older, little or no family, wondering what the future holds. If you leave your home behind, and move to a retirement place, your memories come with you. The house and belongings are just "stuff." Try to see this as an adventure and a POSITIVE change, bring those beloved pets with you, and be BRAVE. Good things await you and GOD LOVES YOU !!
Best wishes and prayers to you,
A friend :-)
Church - Anony
[ In Reply To ..]It's scary to me knowing that I'm old. I don't feel old, or look especially old. I think people who do not have children are less aware of the passing of time, as we don't watch children grow into adults.
I actually have begun thinking about finding a church, although I don't see myself as especially religious and haven't been to church in decades. If/when I move to the retirement village, I think I will see what churches are in the area. The last time I tried out a church, there were maybe 20 people there and the sermon was about building plans for the church. I never went back.
Anony - Gertrude
[ In Reply To ..]Several years ago, I wanted to find a church. I went to several, sat quietly at the services and observed until I finally found the right one for me. This will probably sound silly, but finding a good church is kind of like dating--the chemistry has to be right. I hope you can find the church that fits your needs (and has its mind more on its parishioners' needs than its building plans). Good luck!
Blessings - MTPockets
[ In Reply To ..]God bless you, ma'am. I am a 61-year-old divorcee living in an apartment that I can barely afford. I work...and that's about it. I have few friends, most of whom are too busy to be bothered and family but they, too, are dealing with the business of living and making a living and are rarely available when I need an ear. I cried when I read your letter and while we are not in exactly the same situation, being at an all-time low and scared are the two things that screamed at me. Life is a challenge under the best of circumstances and it seems you have had more than your share of struggles. I was hoping to retire at 62 but I will not be able to afford that and maintain my current residence. I am barely able to make ends meet now. A senior community is out of the question. I considered a roommate, but that opens up a very uncomfortable can of worms (there are some nut cases out there). I wish I could help you. It would make my life seem a little more meaningful to help another with some of the same struggles. If I can, I would. In the meantime, my dear, I will say a prayer for you that you find a workable solution that does not rob you of your independence and the home where you have lived for so long. You are in my thoughts.
Instead of having to make decisions about your - stuff all at once, why not put - sm
[ In Reply To ..]the things you haven't decided one way or the other into a storage unit for a while? Then you could make the move with what you definitely want or need, get rid of the stuff you definitely don't want, and then you would have the time to get settled into your new home. Once you're settled, your head will be clearer, and you can then take as long as you want to periodically check the storage unit for things you want to keep, or sell, or give away. That way you'd be more sure of your decisions, with fewer regrets. And with what you'll probably save by living in a senior community, the difference will likely easily pay for a storage unit.
That's such good advice. - NK
[ In Reply To ..]I wish I had taken that same advice when people gave it to me when I downsized from an 8-room house into a small apartment, but I didn't. You have no idea how many times I have realized I could have kept something and used it here but gave it all away.
We should all get together - Home for old destitute MTs
[ In Reply To ..]It could be sort of a specialized nursing home for old MTs suffering from PTSD. We could pool our resources and chop a little firewood, gather some nuts and berries. Babysit each others dogs and cats. Yup, sort of our version of the Golden Girls like someone stated before.
This was going well until the statement you - made. Not all on here are destitute
[ In Reply To ..]This person came on here because she was trying to move to a place probably that would be more to her life situation, not having to keep up a house and getting older and having no one close around. That does not mean destitute or hopeless. I made a heck of a good living through MT work, never suffered because of the work, raised a family on my earnings and while not having to work full time anymore still not destitute, far from it.
Well, good for you - my post
[ In Reply To ..]My post was for the MTs that are currently working for a MTSO who need the food shelf to supplement their current incomes. I was considering a future alternative retirement plan. Must plan, you know.
Calling others destitute seems a low blow to - me, maybe younger MTs
[ In Reply To ..]some day might fall into your thoughts about needing to all gather into one place and plant seeds, etc. but most of the women answering this post sound like they have it more together. The OP has her own home, just aging, she and the house both, and having to put up with repairs around the home, just trying to find a notch that might fit her better. All except 1 had really kind words for her and very helpful suggestions about ideas she might use. So many of the MTs currently working who might need the food shelf got into transcription so they could stay home with the kids. Instead of supplementing from a food shelf I would suggest they get off their behinds and find something to pay enough to feed their families. Say they have one job, then get a second. I read enough on here to know that people just sit back hoping that things will change and they haven't. I am past retirement and never planned zilch, nothing so I don't know about that must plan you know idea. Just heard on TV that most people retiring have about $1,000.00 saved back so apparently not all of us have planned as you stated.
Perhaps find some old episodes of Golden Girls - sm
[ In Reply To ..]The Golden Girls is a comedy about some older women who care about each other, laugh together and get into some hilarious escapades. They have a unique sense of humor and can laugh at themselves. You might enjoy it if you give it a chance.
I have watched loads of Golden Girls but - the difference in them and this post is
[ In Reply To ..]those ladies were far from destitute, I watched them endlessly in years past. Having said that I thought Bea's clothing was really exquisite. Had she been as the poster said, destitute, I doubt she would wear what I saw. I see no connection between the Golden Girls and this posting at all. Several women on here in fact called attention to the fact that family deceased (unlike Bea who had her mother there living with them), no close friends (whereas there were 4 in that GG household), hilarious not so much when you are trying to determine which way to go in life, sell your home you have had for years and move to an assisted living. Not one of the women on GG fell into this category. I cannot see where you get any connection. Oh, please if I have said this once have said 100 times. Do not assume (as in give it a chance) as you are usually wrong in assumptions and once again.
I get your humor :) - wheres_my_job
[ In Reply To ..]Just hit a nerve with some people, I guess.
Humor. Yep, sounds like the people who - laugh at people who
[ In Reply To ..]fall down, accidentally cut off a finger and spurt blood everywhere, get bitten by a dog, knocked out cold on the street by strangers. Some people find that humorous also, takes all kinds. This posting, although some consider humor, had nothing to do with the lady asking for a kind word in her wanting to downsize. I think some here fit the part of destitute. I read some other postings here where someone got out of MTing, trying to find a place to work. Maybe ebaying, counseling, writing? Some here seem to not being able to find a place to fit as far as a job. Hmmm... Let's all hit a nerve now okay?
Now you're making me laugh too - wheres_my_job
[ In Reply To ..]missed that "nerve," but you did hit my funny bone!
NEED A KIND WORD - Diane King
[ In Reply To ..]I'm so sorry. Where do you live, generally. Might someone help?
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You know those Compleats meals? The ones that you just have to nuke for 90 seconds. They don't have to be kept in the freezer or anything. I was just fixing myself one for lunch. Beef stew. When I went to pull back the plastic after it was finished cooking, it slipped and some of the gravy sloshed onto the inner part of my wrist and the palm of my hand. It burnt me so bad! I now have a very large red place on my wrist and hand, and after 45 minutes, it ...
What Is The One Word That You Cannot StandOct 19, 2010
What is the one (or more) words that just makes you cringe when you hear it and you just shudder inside (besides swear words of course). Mine is - "pee". Don't ask me why but anytime I hear that word I cringe and almost lose it. What are yours. ...
A Lot Crammed Into 1 WordMay 24, 2012
Granted this dictator speaks extra-super fast, but I still can understand him enough to type him, why can't a machine? ASR typed: "Inspected." Dictated: "Preoperative diagnosis: Pectus excavatum. Postoperative diagnosis: Same." ...
Okay Ladies, What Kind Of Skin Care Regimen Do You Use?Sep 29, 2011
I looking for a new skin care regimen. I'm 44 and have a round, chubby face which I used to hate, but now realize it has prevented me from getting a lot of wrinkles. I have a few fine lines around my eyes and those parentheses around my mouth, if you know what I mean. I'm looking for something to prevent future wrinkles and to work on what I have. I have freckles and have sun damaged my skin when I was younger, so my skin is blotchy without makeup. I ...
I Saw This A Long Time Ago Here, What Kind Of Sticky MarkersJan 21, 2017
Aren't there some that dont tear the pages, dont lift up the print if you move them? I dont want to use a highlighter, I only want little sticky flag tags on specific pages. I think you could write on them also, so I can put the verse on the sticky tag. Anyone? Thanks. ...
Kind Of Funny How Trump Is Telling The SupportersMar 20, 2017
when I just read an article that said Kentucky was the second largest winner with ACA. Those supporters are just bowing to their leader even though they don't realize how much they will be hurt by the pubs plan. ...
The Word Is Out On Tiger WoodsDec 04, 2009
Former VH1 reality star, Jamie Grubbs has announced that she has been having a 31 mo affair with Tiger. She claims to have voicemails and text messages to prove it. ...