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Another Santa question

Posted: Nov 1, 2011

The Santa thread below reminded me of an incident when my son was in grade school and about 10 yeas old. A neighbor called me very upset because my son told her son that Santa wasn't real. I apologized to my neighbor and told her I would talk to my son about keeping quiet about Santa. He is my youngest son and at the time Christmas in our house was more about the religous aspect and the family traditions we had established. I really wanted to tell my neighbor that when you lie to your kids you can't be upset when someone tells them the truth. How would you have handled this situation?;

Just like you did. - Kids talk.

[ In Reply To ..]
Of course you should talk to your son, but that does not mean scold him. He really did nothing wrong. At the same time, I understand when parents are upset at someone telling their kids about Santa, so was I, but it is bound to happen as we all know. All you can do is apologize and go on.

I really liked the idea of telling the child that when they discover the truth, they must all receive a gift of responsibility to love, care, share, be giving of gifts of themselves, as well as love, and to understand the "spirit" of Santa and what it means. They must also try to keep other children "believing" until they are old enough to understand the same gift of responsibility.

I really don't think parents should make a big deal of their kids learning the truth. Sometimes it makes us said but it is part of growing up that we cannot stop. Usually when they start school, they all begin to change into different individuals because they are exposed to more, and that's when they usually learn about Santa.

Another opinion - just saying

[ In Reply To ..]
If you, the parent, lies to your child, it is your responsibility to deal with your child. You can't blame a child for speaking the truth.

Parents these days. - a reasonable mom

[ In Reply To ..]
I don't think your neighbor had any right to get so upset with you and your son. She is the one who lied to her son. She can't blame your son for telling him the truth.

"Lies?" - come on, folks, it's fantasy!

[ In Reply To ..]
I get so hot under the collar when people call this "lying" to their children! It's engaging in a fantasy, a children's imagination mystery dream that grownups have had to give up for "reality." The kids will figure it out for themselves in due time. I also agree with the post about the gift of responsibility. Each of the four of us in my family kept the secret for the younger ones, thereby not having to give up the delight, just giving it instead of getting it. Relax!!!

A lie is a lie is a lie. - Just saying.

[ In Reply To ..]
If you and your family want to believe in Santa Claus that is fine by me. Just don't call me up yelling because my child who does not believe in Santa tells your son that Santa is not real. It is not my job to cover for your lies.

I would think that it wouldn't kill you - to ask your son to use some

[ In Reply To ..]
discretion, but I guess that since you are so set on the fact that everyone who wants to allow their children to believe in something fun and nice during childhood is wrong and that your opinion is somehow superior, that is just too much to ask. How thoughtful of you.

You don't understand my point. - curious

[ In Reply To ..]
I feel my neighbor's anger was totally misdirected. She is the one who told him something that was not true. Everybody does not celebratge Christmas with Santa. I have no problem with the idea of Santa, but it is not my responsibility to keep your child believing. It's just not something that I grew up with or wanted my children to grow up with. We had other traditions that were just more important. If you told your child the earth was flat, would you be upset if someone told him the earth was round?

First of all, I was replying to the abrasive nature of - the above posts with the tag

[ In Reply To ..]
"Just Sayin" that say over and over that anyone who wants their child to be a child and allows them to believe in Santa liars. Secondly, again, it would not hurt you to ask your child to not spoil the fun for other children, just because you wish not to participate. Does your child go around spouting what everyone buys everyone else for gifts, or can he keep a secret? Would it kill you to have him keep this other one? You must get some sort of joy out of spoiling things for other little kids. I don't get it.

Who is being abrasive now? - curious

[ In Reply To ..]
Actually we had never discussed the issue of keeping Santa secret. It just wasn't something that was discussed in our house. Why couldn't the neighbor tell her son that just because my son doesn't believe in Santa, that doesn't mean Santa doesn't exist or that maybe Santa doesn't visit my son's house? If she wants to believe in Santa that is fine. I just don't think she has a right to yell at me because we don't celebrate Christmas in the same way her family does. That's all I was saying. I just feel the responsibility lies with her to keep the fantasy alive.

I don't think she has a right to yell at you for - anything, but I also don't

[ In Reply To ..]
think that it would hurt to try to keep your kid from spoiling it for others. Clearly, we disagree. I'm just glad that neither your or Just Sayin are my neighbors. I have small children, too.

Calm down lady. - Geez

[ In Reply To ..]
Geez, I didn't mean to get you so upset over something so trivial. My neighbor's son was 9 years old at the time. Maybe he just wanted his mom to be honest with him.

Curious - ERMT

[ In Reply To ..]
I asked my kids once if they would have rather we let them believe in Santa. Their response was that no...they were glad that we never LIED to them. Their words! They are now 15, 13 and 11. There are still kids (probably) in the 11-year-old's classes that believe but my girls are glad that we never lied about that. They know that if we tell them something, it is true and they don't have to wonder if later on they are going to find out that something we told them was smoke and mirrors.

ERMT - curious

[ In Reply To ..]
My older sister had raised her children the same way as you and it had made such a big impression on me. I loved her children and the relationship she had with them. When I had children I could not bring myself to tell them something that wasn't true. That's not to say I didn't read them fairy tales, etc., they just knew at the time that it was make believe. My children also know that whatever I tell them is the total truth. I am glad to hear that someone else also understands this and is not making me out to be some sort of evil person because we don't celebrate Christmas with Santa.

Parenting styles - ERMT

[ In Reply To ..]
LOL!! Not evil in the least. I completely agree with your post. We have different traditions. We do a birthday cake for Jesus at Christmas, Resurrection rolls at Easter. The excitement that my girls show when we go shopping for the Angel tree at church tells me that we are doing the right thing.

I always thought that kids found out Santa wasn't real from other kids. - That's how I found out.

[ In Reply To ..]
For a parent to get angry because another kid told her son that Santa wasn't real is just silly.

Personally, I have always made it clear that Christmas is about the birth of Christ, but I also allowed my children to believe in Santa as well.

When my kids came home asking if Santa was real, I said yes and I told them about St. Nicholas and I told them how over the years people celebrated the generosity of St. Nicholas and his love for Christ and for children by secretly giving their kids presents from him. So basically I was able to connect Christ with Santa in a very real way.

So you see, to those who would call us liars for letting our children believe in Santa, we really aren't liars after all.

Santa - ERMT

[ In Reply To ..]
Our girls were raised to celebrate Christmas as a holiday centered around the birth of Christ, not Santa Claus. We have never tried to fool our girls with Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, Easter Bunny or whatever. My girls have always known that there are some kids that think that Santa is real, but that we choose to celebrate the REAL reason for Christmas instead.

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