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9 year and high heels?

Posted: Jan 6, 2011

My 9 year old wears a ladies size 8-1/2 shoe. She's wanting to get high heels (she showed me her example at Wal-Mart, a heel of around 3-4") and says her school friends are wearing heels. I'm not sure that heels are a good idea at this age of this height. What's your thoughts?

;

you're kidding right? - rejoyce

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That's the problem with parents these days. You're in charge here. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

You need to be the mean mom. - Rita

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It's your job to be the mean mom this time. I love those 3-4" heels! But not on a child. It's not okay for her to wear something that's designed to make one look sexy. I hated being the mean mom too, but on another subject, then much later I found out I wasn't the cool mom either, 'cause I didn't smoke stuff with high school kids. I'm okay with that.

No way! - MTnever ceases to amaze me

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Geez, are you kidding? A 3 to 4" heel for a 9-year-old? Who cares if her friends are wearing them!

When she's 16 and going to the prom it may be appropriate!

I have a 9 y/o daughter... - momof3girls

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It is amazing what 9 y/o girls are wearing to school these days! Lots of girls in my daughter's class are wearing boots with heels and some with regular heels. Some are even wearing tons of make up!! I dont mind the occasional small square type heel on a dress up occasion, but we do not do heels or make up at our house at 9! My other two daughters are 13 and 16 and my 13 y/o doesnt wear make up or heels unless special occasion. Kids are growing up way too fast these days.

I have a 10yo daughter and I agree kids want to grow up too fast. - NKC

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Thankfully my daughter is small for her age and tiny feet. By the time her foot is big enough to wear a 3 or 4 inch heel, she'll actually be old enough to do it.

That doesn't mean she doesn't try to grow up in other ways. She has been begging me to buy her a bra which she does not need yet! Granted, some girls her age do need to wear bras, but not her. She went shopping with one of her friends and her friend's mom and the mom bought my daughter a size 32-A black satin bra with padded cups and underwire! I was appalled. I took the bra from my daughter told her she could have it back when she had something to put in it!

And by the way, I don't know why these girls think wearing heels and bras is so much fun! When I worked in the office my shoes and my bra were the first things to come off when I got home! In my opinion both are just implements of torture!

NOT A CHANCE! - old fashioned

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There is no need for kids that age to wear heels! Unfortunately, some parents allow it which makes it difficult for others to say no because they don't want to put up with attitude from their kids when they tell them no. However, the answer is still NO!

Really, at 9yo, I am surprised you are asking advice on this. - No brainer. NM

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x

No need to be rude......... - N/M

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.

No offense intended, but someone needs help with this? Really??? - just stating the obvious, not rude at all.

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x

She just wants feedback, not judgement. - I chose to walk a mile in her shoes.... nm

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Her heels or flats? - nm

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x

Yuk, yuk, yuk! - nm

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x

Why not... - Sheesh

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get her a corset and a garter belt while you are at it? What the heck are you thinking even asking this question?

God, you people are rude!! ! - You know what they say...

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It is the mark of a superior mind to be able to disagree without being disagreeable. :-)

That said, a tiny bit of a heel would not hurt. No big deal.

My initial reaction is no - sm - ECMT

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I can see a small heel on boots, some clogs, etc. My one daughter did get some slip on shoes, but with a 3 or so inch heel about an inch thick at the base of the heel when she was 11 or so, may have been 10 but she is tall, though starting to average out now, about 5'2 and is 12. I did not have a problem with those for her. She wears a 8.5 or 9 now in most shoes, and wears sneakers all the time. She is not into clothes or shoes, my 10-y/o though is a fashion postage stamp already, very particular about how she looks, what she wears, tries to sneak makeup (not successful on that score). No heels as yet though does try. She is still a childs 4 though so that helps a lot for the shoe issue. Dread the day she can where my 7s. ---I can see the size issue being part of the problem, 9-y/o and 8.5 already, makes the shoe choices a little harder in terms of staying more practical.

Think about how old you were when you got - sm - ECMT

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your first real pair of high heels. I was 13 or 14. Think 13 though as I was a year younger than most my classmates with a Nov. B-day. I had to beg my mom, really beg, (about 1980)to get these beautiful 4-inch 9-West strappy high-heels that tied around the ankles(obviously for dressing up/going out). She let me get them, have worn them a zillion times, still have them too and have had new heel bottoms put on them too since I had them down to the nail at one point with the black bottom plastic piece gone. So personally I would hold off a few more years on the high heels. Both my daughters pull the "but my friends are allowed" stuff all the time, which I say no too, tell them tough noogies, not until X age (Facebook is the biggest one, found out recently they are all working on their parents trying to be the first one allowed to go on, told them 13 is the earliest that will happen). I still don't post pictures of them, all my friends think I am a nut case for that.

I think I wore heels - in 8th grade

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to graduation? I will have to look at pics... but I mean I still had braces and such! I was a kid.

If you let them have a facebook, you can give them rules, you know, like you get to have the password, or at the very least you are their friend so you can see everything that is posted (just not private messages). Ill turn 30 in February and everyone has FB, I had it for a minute but it's too overwhelming. It is nice to keep in touch with people, but it's so much information for everyone to see... why dont you post pics of them though, that's interesting...
but you do what you gotta do to protect your family... too many dont these days.

I know all about the blocking features, etc. on FB - sm - ECMT

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nad yes I know I can give rules, that is what I do, I am the mom. I watch over my kids and make sure they are safe here or in the virtual world. I am on FB and really like it, not overwhelming at all to me. Of course I would have her passwords, I do now to some other stuff, games they play on line. But 13 is not that horrible to wait for and she can wait 8 more months and I will be watching it like a hawk. As for not posting pics there are a lot of wack jobs in the world, blocking measures or no. Plus I am married to someone who is extremely paranoid about FB, but he does not understand it that much. But once something is on the internet it is there forever. I had posted some pics before when I was on Myspace (don't like that one at it is definitely a place for prowlers and players) that I wish I had not now. I have been very open with my kids about the nut jobs and dangers on line and how to give out any personal information, have given them examples of such. No one in my family is on FB, just me, well my one nephew is but he does not friend anyone as he is an aspring actor studying hard in CA and shortly in Paris, so he uses it to let people know what he is up to, but does not want to be caught up in all the balony. -- But you cannot be too careful with the safety of your kids on line.

My reaction? - Um

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Not that my reaction should matter, because she isn't my child, but...

SHE'S 9 YEARS OLD!!!

Why can't kids be kids anymore for crying out loud?

This should not have even been a question in your mind!

Mom, just say no, it's not a dirty word. And why would - sm

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you sign yourself Mean or Nice Mom? Just because you tell her no doesn't make you mean...YOU ARE THE MOM!

So glad I have an immature 10-year-old - wimt

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She doesn't care a whole lot about clothes. She still would rather go to Toys R Us, still believes in Santa, and at Claires she goes straight to the toys or little keychains. She did tell me this morning she wants to get her ears pierced. I've offered it before but she's always said no, and I've told her when you're ready you let me know so I guess she thinks she's ready. I would no way let her wear high heels. I also don't buy her the clothes in her size that are really designed for a 20-year-old hootchie. To me, high heels can maybe come with her 8th grade graduation dress, not before.

Splitting the difference: - sm - MT Wordz

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First off, where are the girls planning on wearing these heels? Are they playing dress-up or beauty pageant at home? Then maybe an inexpensive, fun pair of heels would be okay, with the stipulation that they're for indoor play, only.

If she wants to wear them to school (??) or anywhere outdoors, I would say no to that. Not only the risk of injury, but also because it might make her the target of unwanted attention.

Just my input - kidsmom4

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I have 4 kids (2 girls, 2 boys). In my experience, raising girls has been a lot harder than boys so far. I know that saying no is really hard, but you have to set a foundation for her and it will be to her benefit. Girls now a days are growing up way too fast. My youngest daughter is also 9, and I have to admit, I am not the coolest mom on the face of the Earth but I am perfectly okay with that! Lots of her friends have cell phones and are "appalled" that my daughter won't be getting one until she is 16. They look at me like I have one big eye in the middle of my forehead!! We have told our 9 year old that she can get a cell phone when she starts to drive just like we did with her brothers and sister. Sorry, back to the shoes - 9 is too young for heels to wear to school. Dress up is one thing, public is another. Keep your daughter young and innocent as long as you can. This is about the time that the "mean girls" age starts to hit!! Good Luck!! Just remember to keep her near and dear to your heart, and open in conversation, letting her know she can come to you for anything. It only gets harder into their teenage years!

Good for you - anon

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I applaud you. I have yet to have children of my own, but I will be keeping limits on them. Cell phones maybe because these days you gotta keep tabs on them, and you can set your own things onto the cell and stuff, right? I say good for you to sticking to what you believe, the world is going to hell in a hand basket and some parents are helping it on its way...

I can see a little pair of pumps - Kendra

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with a very small heel, or a pair of heels to play dressup at home. I am not sure that I think that it is the huge deal that everyone else thinks it is, but I would not let my 9-year-old wear a 3-4 inch heel, 3/4-inch, maybe. In the grand scheme of things, do I think that if she has a pair of heels to wear for dressy occasions that it is going to lead to drug use and teen pregnancy? Absolutely not. I can tell you one thing--I am glad that I have boys and that they are still very young right now!

Response time... - Mean or nice mom?

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It's amazing how as some of you commented, kids are growing up too fast this day and time. I dropped my daughter off at school today and sure enough - girls that were probably as young as 7 were hiking it across the parking in heels that at least 3" tall. Amazing. I've also had a heck of a time getting bras for my daughter besides the sports bras because you can't find a bra for a kid that isn't padded. Thankfully none of the kids in her class are talking about makeup yet!

I've told her she has to wait on the heels....just as she has to wait on the cell phone she wants (you wouldn't believe the number of her peers that have them... and in the 4th grade!).

Good for you! - Jill

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Girls that age do not need heels or make up and I have never understood kids having cellphones. Our parents didn't and knew every move we made. I think lazy parents are giving kids cell phones and therefore the closeness of family isn't as strong as it use to be. Don't be afraid to say no to a kid.

There are good reasons for kids to have cell phones... - anon

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When I was in college, I was followed by a serial killer who had already kidnapped and killed 2 women. I had a cell phone and was able to call the police when he had followed me up a driveway that I would not have been able to get around him to get out of, out in the country, with no one around. If I had not had that cell phone, who knows whether or not I would be here. While I am a little torn about kids having cell phones, I think that mine will. They will be restricted with whom they can call or from whom they can receive calls and I don't think I will allow texts, et cetera (as you can do that through the phone company now), but I think that should anything dreadful happen, I would feel better if I knew that my kids might at least have the opportunity to call for help. I know that people say that parents should know where their kids are at all times and that their own parents did, but I was a good kid and my parents were strict, but there were times that I lied and got away with it, or just didn't check in, even if I was supposed to. I got in trouble, but I think that for safety's sake, it really doesn't hurt for kids to have phones. It sure might beat the alternative.

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