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verbal abuse...

Posted: Feb 11, 2010

It's me again. I had posted this past weekend about my hubbie that didn't ask me to go to superbowl party. Well I got over that pretty quick.

I have gotten brave enough to ask if any of you live with someone who dishes out verbal abuse to you? I was in denial for a while, but I believe I need to accept the fact that my husband is a verbal abuser. He says such mean things and screams. I was feeding the dogs and let some out of the pen and he said God D**n, you ignorant F**K. Then later on he proceeded to scream how helpless I was and he didin't need to be here with someone who was so GD helpless. If you can't feed the dogs without letting them out I am leaving you and blah blah blah. I said well go ahead and leave. At least I won't have to listen to you anymore. No such luck though.

Last week while he had company over. He wanted $100 and I hadn't went to the bank yet. It was his money from his paycheck but I didn't go to the bank. I didn't know he would need $100 that evening, it was like 4:30. In front of company he yelled well you get your a$$ back in the car and go to town, which was 30 minutes away. When I said the bank was closed he screamed GD MFer. What did I tell you? Then stormed off. He used to hate people who treated their wives this way, but he has changed and now he treats me this way. He is doing drugs. I am pretty sure of it. I guess that is why he has changed.

I am so tired of the way he acts. I am getting to where I don't want to be around him cause you don't know when you will do something to make him blow up. I am startnig to really dislike him. I am not in a position to leave either. I just lost my account I work on today. I am thinking of looking elsewhere for someone who won't treat me that way. I don't know but I know I have no future here.

;

Get Out - do it for yourself

[ In Reply To ..]
It sounds like the abuse is escalating. I think you should get out before he starts throwing things or you around or worse. I would quietly do my research while he is gone, if you just lost an account you have a little spare time. Check and see if you can find a shelter that you can go to (if you have no other recourse). Pack up all your equipment, some clothes, and whatever else you don't want him to take/destroy (because he is gonna be Pi%%#$ off). A shelter will give you protection and a chance to find another account and get yourself set up someplace safe. If you think he is doing drugs, it is not going to stop it is only going to get worse. Please think of yourself and your own safety.

And to that I would add get some counseling so you...sm - Good luck!

[ In Reply To ..]
regain your self-esteem and figure out what led you to ever accept that kind of behavior from a mate. The main thing is not to take HIS failings on yourself. You're still worth it so stand up, dust yourself off, get away from the situation and live a happier life. Believe me there IS life after an abusive relationship. Do not, however, look for somebody else until you get your head straight. Been there and done that. Hang in - it WILL get better, but you have to take action now!

Speaking from experience. - Sorry

[ In Reply To ..]
You have to get out.

My ex treated me that way. I finally left after 3 years of putting up with it. Including him holding a loaded shotgun to my head once. He never, ever hit me, not even once, but I always thought he was going to. I took my son and left him. To this day, if I have to be in the same room with him, I get an anxiety attack and have to take a Xanax. That's how bad it was, and he can bring me back there in a heartbeat.

It took me 2 years to get my self-esteem and self-worth back, and that was with counseling. Living in fear is no way to live, and living with someone you cannot stomach anymore just makes it all that much worse.

Good luck to you.

I don't know what to do about your situation, but... - Kendra

[ In Reply To ..]
I live in Vancleave, so if you ever need someone to talk to, we could meet up in Gulfport for lunch or something. Sometimes just talking helps so much.

quietly, patiently plan your future without him. - n/m

[ In Reply To ..]
..

MSgirl - hy

[ In Reply To ..]
I wonder if you didn't see signs of the abuse BEFORE you got married. I saw by ex kick his dog around, didn't think too much about it. About 6 months into our marriage he decided to hit me. I was STUNNED and stood frozen in front of him. He walked away saying something like "yeah, that's what I thought you dumb c**t".

Took me a whole 30 seconds to recover, grab a baseball bat and whack him over the head. I drug his crumpled azz outside to his car, threw his clothes on top of him and called the cops.

I got taken away also, but sure as sh*t have no regrets about having that on my record. As expected, later on he begged and swore he'd change, he was sorry, he loved me.... BSBSBS.

Never again. I took my time getting to know potential partners after that. My current hubby and I have been together 15 years. HE loves me, respects me and I am worth that. I think you've given your situation too long. GET OUT. Abuse is abuse. It WILL escalate.

wish I'da done that ... where is pieceocrap at now? - n/m

[ In Reply To ..]
..

Hy - Now that is what I call Proactive! Good for you. - Fingers, NM

[ In Reply To ..]
x

Restraining orders are not just for - physical abuse

[ In Reply To ..]
Get yourself one and change the locks on the house.

You need to find YOU before you think about finding someone else - Wow

[ In Reply To ..]
Whoa...the second to last sentence of your post really jumped out at me.

After being in a relationship that is abusive, whether verbal, emotional or physical, you're going to need to take time to find YOU, girlfriend, before you even start looking around for another man to get involved with.

If you decide to leave this relationship, you need to find YOU first and foremost. I haven't read all of your posts, but I'm assuming since no children are mentioned that none are involved.

If you sever your ties with this assclown, you need to take the time to rebuild your self-esteem, probably with the help of a therapist, before you even begin to think about your next relationship. You'll never find a decent guy until you raise the bar for yourself and SLOW DOWN.

Consider yourself like a recovering alcoholic in a 12-step program. Going and sitting in a bar isn't a good idea for someone working on their 12 steps, right? Going out to "find someone who won't treat me that way" for you is going to be like sitting a fifth of vodka in front of a newly-sober alcoholic - NOT a good idea.

Take the time to figure out what you really want out of life and out of a partner before you start seeking a new relationship.

Good luck to you, whatever your decision.

My advice to you - angelface46

[ In Reply To ..]
Abuse is abuse, whether it is verbal, which can cut you like a knife, or it its physical. I endured that in my life, and was a battered wife, and right now my husband uses verbal abuse on me. He tells me that I am a GD liar, no brains, he has a higher IQ than me, yells at me for almost no reason at all, everything is my fault. This is just a few things, but much worse at times. I lost someone I was engaged to through suicide, and he told me that he could understand why this person did that if they were involved with me! I mean the abuse just rolls off his tongue. He is 8 years old than me. I have tried everything I know how and for 8 years this keeps going on. Right now, I am trying to save money in order to leave. My advice to you is that DON'T take this treatment for a second. Make a plan as to how you are going to go about leaving, whether it is secretly stashing away money, or having it kept for you by a trusted friend, open your own bank account, have a safety plan in place, like hiding keys and money in a secret place and being sure you can get to it when you need it, have a small suitcase with clothes in it where he cannot find it. You are heading down a disastrous road with this man, and if he is taking drugs, which it sounds like he is, his behavior can escalate into violence, and I don't want to see this happen to you. Don't look for another person in your life right now, but think only about yourself. You sound like a nice person, please, please make a plan and stick to it, and do it soon!!

To MSgirl - Fingers

[ In Reply To ..]
The advice you have received here is very important. It is also important to know that you are not alone. Lots of people have walked in your shoes and have come out smelling like a rose, greater self-esteem, and a hard lesson learned. Do not be submissive. You are living in fear whether you want to admit it or not. The counseling is the best solution. Not that there is something wrong with you, but you need to handle this situation with a sense of power and determination. Obviously you do not have that or you would not still be there. You do not have to go through this alone. You do deserve better and at this point being single would be much better. Get a counselor, make a plan, and "to thine own self be true."

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