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Question, would love input for this problem.
Posted: Oct 8, 2014
My husband died recently. He told me over and over again that I would be taken care of, that he had paid into a retirement type account. When I was going through all of the paperwork you have to do after someone passes away, I stumbled on an insurance company and I called them. They were able to confirm there was money and said they would be sending me a letter stating how much money it was, I would get this letter in the next 2 weeks. For the first time in a very long time, I was happy. He took care of me like he said he would. Now, I could breathe easier.
Then, the letter came but it was addressed to my daughter. It stated that she would be getting the money. My other daughter also said she got the letter. Bottom line, their dad didn't update the information after we married a number of years ago.
My daughters and I are close. I love them both and it isn't fair to put them in this situation, I hate that for them. But, right is right and this isn't right.
Please, i would like you input. Thanks,
;
Is this life insurance or a retirement account? - sm
[ In Reply To ..]You first mentioned a retirement account but then stated you found an insurance company reference. Perhaps there is yet a retirement account. Did he work for someone for years (do you know that history?). I would call former employer HR departments and ask about possible retirement acocunts. Perhaps his daughters know about his work history. If there was a long period of employment somewhere that might still be what he was referring to. Keep digging. Go through his papers and look for the retirement account. If he was still making recent contributions, his bank records might give you info as to where he was depositing that money. I hope your name is on something. I hope this works out for you.
Thanks....He was military, retired.... - NONE
[ In Reply To ..]This was servicemen's life insurance. I also spoke to the military laison, they said there was no money owed either.
Reminds me of a long lost daughter of my husband's - who showed up after the funeral
[ In Reply To ..]demanding to get her money because he said she was getting some. Only thing, he died as poor as a church mouse. I had insurance on him, $20,000. Spent 10 thousand on the funeral and gave my daughter (his stepdaughter) the other 10 thousand. I had never met this girl, knew really nothing about her and she and her aunt came to town demanding her money. He left me nothing either but nothing expected.
If you are close then the money goes to them - with no questions or accusations made
[ In Reply To ..]I would never go along with "you are taken care of" because you really do not know anyone except yourself. I don't care if married for years and years. My mother (remarried for 20 years) stated prior to her death she wanted me to have this, my children to have that but in her and her husband's will it was survivor takes all. I did not even (only child survivor) get her personal belongings but she should have not put all her faith in her husband of 20 years when she thought he would do what she wanted, did not work out that way and he could choose as he liked and he did. It was up to him to change who was to get the money, if he wanted but that did not happen. Nothing you can do except accept it.
Some things you might look into - sm
[ In Reply To ..]I agree with checking into his military pension. Do you know if there are survivor benefits? Also, depending on your age, you might want to look into filing for Social Security using his earnings if they are higher than yours. I don't know exactly how either is done, but do know of people who have done this. Do a Google search for "filing social security under spouse" to get more information.
Keep looking for any possible retirement funds. There is something called "SBP" - survivor benefit plan. You can also check to see if he met the eligibility requirements for VA survivor benefits. To help you find help, do a Google search for "How to find military retirement benefits after death of spouse" -- that should bring up the information to help you get started in a detailed search. It will give you information on what forms to fill out, where to get them and where to send them once completed. If you are not sure of eligibility, you might consider filling everything out as if you are eligible and let them do the research rather than assuming that you are not eligible. This is what I would do. You may need his military paperwork like his DD214. Copies of his DD214 would also be kept in his military 201 or OMPF file. Make sure you get the long form of the DD214 and not the abbreviated short form. For more information on this, Google "DD214."
I hope this helps you in some small way. I am truly sorry for your loss and hope you are able to find some peace.
Thanks for the info...I will do that. - No message
[ In Reply To ..]no message
Excellent advice. sm - Weekender.
[ In Reply To ..]To OP, I also am sorry for your loss. This post I am replying under offers excellent suggestions. The protocol and benefits probably changed since my dad (retired military) passed away and my mom went through something similar benefits-wise. I was not involved in the process so, sorry, not of much help to the OP. But end result is that after wading through lots of red tape, my mom now receives survivor benefits and she has Tricare insurance. She did miss out on another benefit (VA survivor possibly) because she and my brother did not delve further into it. Best of luck to you.
Insurance Companies - KAH
[ In Reply To ..]I have had two experiences like yours, one personally, one happened to a relative. If the info was not updated the insurance company has to go by the info it has. Right/wrong has nothing to do with it. My brother kept $5000 of my parents' estate because my poor mother trusted him to do the right thing. She made him recepient of $5000 insurance policy that was to pay for her funeral expense. Since only his name was on it, he kept the money since it was supposed to be his "special inheritance," and he paid for her funeral out of the estate.
My sister's new husband died unexpectantly 3 months after they were married. He had insurance policy made out with his two children as beneficiary. Since minors cannot be named as beneficiary his ex-wife, who had custody of the children, got the money to use for them (yeah, right).
So, the insurance company has to use the latest info they have, nothing to do with right/wrong. Only hope your girls do the right thing.
Amen, I never doubted they would do the - none
[ In Reply To ..]right thing. What hurts so bad isn't the money, it's what they have said to me, I think they are trying to find justification for what they are doing. Sad.
Money after someone dies tends to do this - to families, mine for example
[ In Reply To ..]While my father living he gave away quite a bit of money, gave $60,000.00 to my son. I was the only living child, no family left for him only nieces and nephews and he gave them some money each. Fast forward, he died and my son whom I raised alone, told me "You got it all." Did not matter about his 60 thou, still had something to say. Money can break a family, I know.
I would dig more, a "retirement type" account -sm - XXX
[ In Reply To ..]is a lot different than an insurance policy. Unclear if these are your daughter's or stepdaughters. In any case, don't ask them for money, as you say you don't want to put them in that position, so don't. If they are as close as you say, then they both will probably offer you 1/3 then you all get an equal share of the life insurance, once they learn you did not get left anything. But if your DH had a retirement account (401k, or whatever) there should be statements or emails on it somewhere. Did he ever use an accountant? What about your tax returns, all money paid to retirement accounts is on your W2, dig out some old ones if you can. Depending on your age, etc, you can draw SS using his account, if his would pay more than yours, plus you may be able to get widow benefits. Good luck, I hope it all works out for you.
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