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Not a thank you to be seen or heard but surprise!

Posted: Dec 27, 2012

I mailed a family (including some little friends, 2 girls) a huge box of Christmas goodies including all forms of candies, cookies, pretzels, and girlie things for the 8 and 10 year old I knew they liked. The box weighed almost 37 lbs. Know they got, their mother said so and she thanked me. I also sent her some money to buy gifts for her family as they had no gifts for the kids (there are 4 kids in this family). I had bought the little girls some jewelry boxes and necklaces with their names on them, enclosed the necklaces in the boxes and sent those separately after waiting on the necklaces to arrive. I saw they got their presents as the picture appeared on Facebook with the girls opening. The girls and I since their moving away have emailed, FB'd, called back and forth and not a word from them since Christmas. Believe me, they are not that busy because Christmas was sort of sparse at their home this year. Having said that, I had planned on taking the girls on a fab vacation again this next year to the beach for 2 weeks. (Last year it was Disney World for 2 weeks along with a side trip to Florida during their fall break). I now have other vacation brochures sitting in front of me for a me only trip like to places including Costa Rica or Guatemala. I love giving gifts and have done so for the past 2 years while they were here but a thank you would have gone so far with me - now I am feeling taken advantage of and really unappreciated. ;

When I am wrong, I say I am and this time - P

[ In Reply To ..]
I am wrong. I did not get a thank you because their emails had gone to my spam for some reason. I have egg on my face and I was thanked for the presents. This is 1 big time when I am sooooooooo wrong.

thanks - Effie

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I am so glad to know that you were thanked!

Good update - grits

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It takes a lot to admit when one's wrong, and you get a lot of credit for that; you practice what you preach. I'm so glad it worked out. :)

thanks - effie

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Well, maybe give a little time... its only two days after christmas. And remember the pleasure you got picking out all that stuff? Hang onto that feeling.. its about the giving and not the thanks though the thanks are certainly the proper way to do things.

I realize your feelings were hurt - sm

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but gifts should always be given with a free heart, expecting nothing in return. If you choose to give a gift, no one is taking advantage of you.

I expect manners, always - P

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Nothing more than that.

you expected appreciation, per your own post - give freely; expect nothing

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Gifts - knittingwords

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What a kind and generous person you are!! Thank you. Your actions are inspiring.

IMHO, you like bragging about the gifts you give. nm - my take on this

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x

Bragging? I did not write half of what - P

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i did for the girls and even the entire family. Have no idea where you got that from. Some can do and others want to do. Simple as that.

you just did - sm

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Some of us just "do" and keep our mouths shut.

Oh, so much more than you would ever - P

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know but just stating facts and some take as bragging. End of story.

troll - nm

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x

My take on this--you're just jealous - nm

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nm

Thoughts - anon

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I think you're very sweet. I'm glad everything was straightened out.

Question for you though--what beach are you considering for a vacation with the girls? My husband and I are trying to work out a beach vacation (our kids are around the same age) but are having a hard time deciding where to go! You seem like a person in the know =]

Beaches, oh my! - P

[ In Reply To ..]
Years ago I went to Panama Beach, Florida and decided to go there again this past fall. It was probably the best time of the year, first time I had ever been in the so called fall, around the end of August and the place had changed so much but everyone and I mean everyone from the people visiting to the people working there were wonderful, so pleasant. We stayed at a really great place, Holiday Inn, right on the beach and they had a children's waterpark, entertainment at night, one night tropical show with fire twirlers (someone got me involved and I wound up having to dance with 1 hulu guy, redfaced I was), kids eat free (with adults paying) and the girls loved the "upside down house," and dolpin show close by. The only thing I did not like was not that many interesting eating places, think they could have more. This next trip I want to go to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Never been there but loads to do as a family place including aquarium, another "upside down house," (that is interactive games the kids love and rope climbing activities), just know we all would love. The most favorite place I have ever been is Jamica though pricey now. I took my 2 children and a little friend of my daughter's there for a week, so much to do. We are talking in the 80s by the way!

Thanks! - anon

[ In Reply To ..]
How did you find the beach? Was it clean--were they impacted much by the oil spill? We've also been considering the Destin area. I know several people who have been to Myrtle Beach and they loved it. We hope to go at some point. Right now, though, we're looking for a more sedate vacation!

The beaches, Atlantic and Gulf coast - P

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I went to both beaches just this past year, St. Augustine on my way down to Walt Disney World and the water was sorta dark, not really that good. The water in Panama City was just like you would find in Cancan, brillant blue and clear, you could see little fish swimming around, it was beautiful, not a drop of oil anywhere to be seen. I definitely would favor the water in the gulf over the east coast side. The only thing I noticed about the beaches in the gulf was the width from your walk from your hotel to the water's edge, but thought just enough, not a day's trugging thru the sand. Destin is probably your spot if you want sedate cause that is. Enjoy!

your expectations - versus true generosity

[ In Reply To ..]
I read the other post where you say the thanks you wanted went to spam, but I am basing this answer on your original post.

It boils down to your making a choice for the coming "fall break" (I presume their fall break and not yours) over whether you go solo to places like Costa Rica or Guatemala or to a fab vacation to the beach and Disney World for 2 weeks (?) with the girls.

I cannot help but say I don't see your generosity as being altruistic. It comes off as being self-serving. A gift should be just that. Something you give. Not something you deserve in return. Saying thank you is one thing. Comitting themselves to you for continued favors is something else.

You've only given gifts the last two years "they were here" and you feel taken advantage of. Excuse me, but I wouldn't give you a halo. I just do not think (in my humble opinion) that you fully grasp selflessness and giving for the sake of giving (not receiving).

For me, you would have to be pretty spectatular and solid for me to allow my two young daughters to be allowed to go to Disney World for 2 weeks with a side trip to Florida during their fall break (with or without my presence) at your expense. If you aren't my family and you've only known me for two years, I would be asking who the ?? you think you are. What is your ulterior motive? That would be the questions I ask myself. Are you twisted? Why do you want MY kids to do that when you barely know me or my kids (again, these are the questions that run through my mind)? Maybe you are trust worthy, maybe you aren't, but two years is not the standard I would allow Disney World to be talked about as a "gift."

Call me conservative, but I would not consider that kind of offer as appropriate.

You put the question out there and I am responding to it. Whether or not you agree with my thought process, I don't care. I'm just giving you the response of an extremely conservative mom over whether of not it is appropriate for someone knowing my children for only two years should be deciding their Disney World fate in that period of time and whether I would I would trust the motives of that person.

I hope you can see the counter point.

Who am I, reasonable question - P

[ In Reply To ..]
First of all, the mother worked in my home for me several months before I ever met her family. The entire family adopted me, mother, father, the maternal grandmother. I have spent countless hours in their home as well just visiting, having coffee, talking.

I am almost 70 and have children of my own and grandchildren but my g'children are grown and across the country so don’t see them that much. I have for years traveled and taken not only my children but g'children (when younger) on trips that went not only to Europe but Mexico, the Caribbean, waterparks in the US. When my daughter was younger there was her little friend in the neighborhood that traveled with us to Florida many times and even went to Jamaica with us.

I love animals, have worked with rescue groups and have pets of my own. The children we are talking about now love exactly the same things I do. They as well as their younger brothers have come over to my home, the only thing their brothers are not of the age to act responsibly around my pets, I saw 1 trying to step on the feline's tail and you have to behave in order to be here. The children love to come here. I live in a community where we have 2 swimming pools and the entire family, mother, 4 children and I have spent hours there as well as going to waterparks around town. I pack a picnic and everyone loves it.

The children and I went with my friend, her husband and 4 of their children (total 9 people) to the Smokies about 3 years ago, what a blast. The children while here have baked their mother a birthday cake, make ornaments at Christmas, made their mother a jewelry stand using plates with gold spray (found that in a magazine and made us both one), made cookies for their grandmother, they dress up my felines in hats and jewelry and make pictures, we visit the zoo and animal rescue groups and the girls and I all love bling and our clothing show that. I believe in child things. I took the children to the Christmas parade, had them writing Santa letters. I took them to movies such as Tangled, have recorded animal shows for them since they have been away like Cats 101, Dogtown, Home Alone, Mary Poppins and the like.

My children grew up, did not enjoy the travel as they have families and working more now and I have the time and resources to do more now than when I was younger. The younger one asked me to be her Godmother and I told her I would be her Fairy Godmother (the only reason for not accepting the Godmother was because of my age).

I have lived in my present home now for 8 years and the one prior to that 30 years so my roots are down. People ask if they are my grandchildren. I tell them no, they have a grandmother who lives with them but I love them like my own and try to do anything I can for them. They are not from a well to do family, in fact barely scraping by but I can and I do things for them that otherwise they might not get to do.

The mother and 2 girls all went on the Walt Disney trip. I took the girls to see the ocean first, they had never seen one and I said about time. I drove as flying there they would not see that. On the fall trip their mother was across country trying to set up their new home and the girls and I went for a 5 day trip. I was going to take them to Alaska this next year but the trip I am taking would be after their trip to Myrtle Beach for 2 weeks. They have never flown so I would fly to where they are, get them, fly back, drive to the beach and then fly them back on my way to Alaska. I encourage the girls to do well in school, show interest in their undertakings and as long as I have breath would be there for them as well as their family.

Motive? I myself love all the above but absolutely love to be able to give and others to receive, if not surely would not have done it for, oh the last say 30+ years now. I do not need accolades nor a halo but around me I do want respect (as well I try to instill in them respect for people around them) and manners. I taught my children to say "thank you" and even write thank you notes years ago and yes, I do expect that, nothing more. To say that I have had numerous and I mean numerous people to say "please adopt me" over the years would be an understatement from my DIL's family to my daughter's boss. I could write more but think the above tells most of the story.

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