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I leave my 10yo daughter in the care of my 18yo son and his girlfriend

Posted: Aug 12, 2010

while I ran errands. I was gone maybe an hour and a half. When I returned, there were two little boys, one 11 and one 10 sitting with my daughter on the front porch. My son says he kept an eye on things and they stayed outside the whole time, but I'm freaking out and maybe I'm overreacting. I decided to check the text messages on my phone as I have let my daughter do a little texting to her friends and I find text messages from the 11yo telling her "loves her" and "misses her." And she texted him back basically reciprocating the feeling.

Am I overreacting, or is this rather young to be starting all this nonsense? I never dreamed I would have to have "the talk" with my daughter at age 10!!!!!! I don't want her kissing boys, holding hands with boys or doing anything besides riding bikes or normal kid stuff.

There have been little boys in class that have "liked" her and it was all innocent -- the boy giving her an piece of candy or calling her. But this just feels different and I don't like it. My son said I need to calm down. That when the time comes, he'll starting kicking little butts, but right now they are just kids and he doesn't want to be arrested. :)

Maybe because I'm a single mom and she's my baby, I am a bit more protective. Oh, I don't know. I just needed to vent I guess.

;

Yeah, you need to calm down. - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
I'm not saying you shouldn't pay any attention to the situation, but don't go crazy. How did you deal with this when your 18 year old was 10 and 11? Was he telling girls that he loved them? Maybe you should reminisce with him, which may put this into perspective for you.
No, 10 is not too young for crushes. Even if you think it is, time marches on, and it marches on really quickly! There will be no one moment when you can say, "Ah ha! Today is the day that my daughter is noticing boys!" It just happens, and it happens before you know it. May as well prepare her for it.
IMO, you should have had "the talk" with your daughter years ago. In fact, it should never be just one talk. It should be an ongoing slow drip of age appropriate information.
Keep an eye on your daughter. Supervise when necessary, but help her to know what is and is not acceptable behavior. And please, please, always talk to her calmly. If you freak in front of her, no matter what age she is, she'll become defensive, throw up walls, and she won't receive any information from you. Stay calm.

10 - WOW - Good advice. - Linda

[ In Reply To ..]
.

Just another thought - G-MA of 2

[ In Reply To ..]
When you leave your 10-year-old daughter with your 18-year-old son (her brother) and his GF are you sure that their behavior is beyond reproach. Just a question because younger siblings for the most part look up to their older siblings and you wouldn't want her to mimic anything she might see going on while you are gone. Not trying to be an old fuddy-duddy, I remember the things I did when I was 18 and my BF was at my house or I was at his and our parents left us alone. :) Love at 18 isn't always the most mature!

I guess I am overreacting. I have talked with my daughter - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
about sex in the past, whenever she has questions. I guess the idea of her actually thinking about doing it was what kind of freaked me out, but she's not thinking about it at all. I talked to her last night and I asked her if a boy had tried to kiss and she wrinkled up her nose and "No!" So that relieved me. We had a nice talk.

As long as it is basically benign I would not worry - sm - ECMT

[ In Reply To ..]
too much. Just keep an eye on things. As for sex she probably already knows. They do has classes on that starting when they are about 8, at least in our school district, unless you opt your kid out of it. Both my 10 and 12-y/o know the basics of sex but I have been very open to them for a couple of years on this (just as my mom was starting when I was about 8). Problems arise when the boy acts inappropriately as we had happen here with a boy in my daughter's class. This kid is a future sex offender. He told her how he wanted "to do" his father's girlfried (this boy is 10), and said a bunch of sexually inappropriate stuff to her, as well as demonstrating body gestures to her. The school jumped right on it when I brought it to their attention, the kid's father was "shocked" supposedly (no mom in the picture), he said the boy was getting the stuff from his older teenage sister (I don't think so, doubt darling daughter wants to do his girlfriend...though you never know of course...or do the body gestures as they were guy things all the way). So the kid was basically not allowed anywhere near my kid (basically a school restraining order), he was escorted daily to the bus for the remainder of the year so he would not harrass her (a lot of it happened then). I just need to give the teachers next year a head's up as he is in the gifted program, as is my daughter, and they will be in some classes together due to this, fun! --- but just watch the texts, keep an eye on them when together, and talk to your daughter, make sure she knows what sex is and obviously not to do it until she is a lot older (17 or 18). She will have a boyfriend at some point, though 14/15 would be a better age. My 12-y/o had a boyfriend at age 10, it did not last long. I think she went to his house once and he came here once. He was a player though at 10, bounced around from girl to girl in his class. Just chill out some and keep a sharp eye out is all.

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