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Difference between needs and wants - How to teach a 10 years old?
Posted: Oct 26, 2010
I don't know how to word this...my 10 year old daughter seems to be taken in by all the high end technology that other kids her age have...
such as iphone, blackberry, ipod touch....
I dont have an iphone or blackberry or ipod...muchless, ipod touch.
She had been bugging for a cell phone since last year, I had no plan to get her phone...she doesnt need one.
But she did get a pay as you go phone last year with her christmas money from her dad...Which actually has been a benefit so I'm not going to complain about her having a cell phone.
So now she's bugging about wanting a different phone...hers is a regular motorala flip phone....she wants one that is a slider or looks like a blackberry... give me a break...
she's also wanting an Ipod touch....Its not that she wants something to listen to music on...she wants one because it's "cool"...neat touchscreen etc etc...
Granted she has been very responsible with her phone, she's taken care of it, watches her minutes...
But she doesn't NEED an ipod touch, she just wants one.
I guess what bugs me is she is one of those kids that is taken in by what others have, wants to have what they have etc.
My son is not like that. He could care less.
I AM definately not like that...I am so far behind everyone else, it's not funny.
Besides the fact that I can't afford stuff like that, I think she is too young for expensive stuff like that.
How do you teach kids NOT to be taken in by what others have?
She's not like that with everything like clothes and shoes and toys....She doesn't even actually ask for much but these few things she seems to be taken in by.
re: 10 year old - Smith
[ In Reply To ..]I am a teachers aide part time. a 10 year old is under powerful influences of peers and media. talking to her honestly about "you don't need that" is a perfectly good way to explain the difference in want and need.
also, why not be honest about your financial inability to get these things for her? I would very simply say, "I cannot afford it so NO." End of story.
I see so many kids with gadgets and phones at school. They break them, they lose them, they lend them to each other and mostly they get taken away from the child for being used when they shouldn't be.
I think teachers and school personel would love more parents to say NO to their kids once in a while.
One of the BIGGEST excuses from both parents and kids is "what if I have an emergency?" Well, their at school and the schools have phones. Most classes even have phones in the rooms now. Problem solved. No cell phone or gadget needed.
Stick to your guns mom. I think you're doing your child a service by not caving at this age. Good luck.
needs and wants - anon
[ In Reply To ..]Maybe it's a great opportunity to teach your daughter about finances, the importance of saving, including saving for things that are wants as opposed to needs. It's also been my experience that kids who financially contribute to the things that they want tend to take better care of something that they helped to pay for or paid for in entirety as opposed to the kids who have just had it given to them. Also, by the time she saves enough money for the fancy ipod touch, maybe she will realize how long and hard she worked for it and it's just a fad and not worth it.
If kid is bad, ask if he needs or wants a spanking. - nm
[ In Reply To ..]nm
I completely agree... - Stacie
[ In Reply To ..]...with the other posters about just keeping it simple and honest with your daughter as to why she can't have an iPhone or whatever. You are the parent and you need to set the standards in your home, irregardless of the pressures of our current culture. I know that alot of parents fight the "guilt" feelings when their kids aren't outfitted with all the latest designer clothing and gadgetries, but IMO it's far more important that your values and beliefs be emphasized and upheld in your home, and all this material stuff be downplayed for the superficial, insignificant stuff that it is. This is how I've raised both of my daughters (now 25 and 15), and have never had an argument from them about it. They wore clothing that we could afford and my eldest only got a pay-as-you-go cell phone once she was driving. It was for her safety as well as being able to keep in touch with us when she was away from home. Both girls realized early on that their parents were not "made of money," nor would we go into debt just so they could wear the latest designer or have the latest phone or iPod or whatever it might've been. The fact is, the kids that have all of this stuff never seem to be satisfied and always want more and better. These are not the values I wanted to instill in my family, and so the boundaries were set early on and I didn't waiver. My 15 year-old will occasionally ask for a cell phone when it's her birthday or Xmas, but since she has no real "need" for one yet, she is told that if/when she begins driving she will get one just like her sister did. However, if she wants one sooner she can get a job and pay for it herself. I think if more parents took this approach, kids would better appreciate what's so readily taken for granted now, and would also have a far better understanding of the value of a dollar. JMHO 
I just said no. - Dee
[ In Reply To ..]I'm raising mine like my parents did. They're not handed anything and so hopefully I won't have to worry about them turning out like so many spoiled punk kids I've had the mispleasure of meeting. We didn't have cell phones and our mom's knew exactly what we were up to and it still holds true today, we can do it and I do.
It's not easy. Kids just want to be like all the other - kids, so theyll "fit in". Today's - sm
[ In Reply To ..]iPods and Blackberries are the same as the yo-yo I wanted so badly as a 12-year-old. EVERYONE in school had them, walking around yo-yo-ing them up and down to and from class. So it was an acoutrement one just HAD to have, in order to be considered "normal" by peers. Never mind that to this day, I can't even make one of those things return back up the string, let alone do anything fancy with it.
People consider electronics a distraction, but so were yo-yo's. And you couldn't dial 9-1-1 with a yo-yo, either, or pay a bill, or find a map on Google, or get in touch with your parents to tell them you were coming home later than you thought.
The only thing about these communication devices is the cost of operating them. I like your pay-as-you go phone idea. Is there anything similar for the kind of phone she wants? Maybe that's the answer. If not, maybe you could pay for usage only up to what you were willing to pay for with the old phone, and she would have to work off the rest doing jobs around the home that are worth a certain amount of money per job. Also, if she had to save up to buy the phone herself, or at least half of it, she'll likely be a lot more appreciative of it and thoughtful about using it, than if it were just handed to her simply because she wanted it.
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