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Depressed

Posted: Mar 3, 2013

I posted before about my stepdad taking back a couple Christmas gifts previously. Well there was a family dispute between my husband and my stepdad. I think my stepdad is evil. He lies constantly. He tells my mom lies about us that are not true and she believes him. After my stepdad and husband got into an altercation my mom said this will not change our relationship; I will still come to visit you and call you. That has not been the case though. My birthday came and went and no phone call. My birthday has always been celebrated by my mom. A few days later I received a card in the mail that said "I love you very much." I called her to say thank you and she sounded so happy to talk to me. I started to cry and asked her why she hasn't come to see me or called me. She said she didn't think she should. I called a friend who talks to my mom sometimes and I asked if my mom had said anything to her. She said my mom said she wanted to talk to me so badly but she could not call me. The only way she could talk to me is if I call her. Well, that makes me think that she wants to call me but he has told her not to. She said my mom said how she wished I would call her. I really think my stepdad has told her not to call me and she feels that she can't. This man is so evil. He has always tried to put a wedge between me and my mom. They have been married 2 years and now she can't even call me. Why should the fact that my husband and stepdad do not get along and I cannot stand him either make her not be able to call me or see me? I don't know what to do here. I feel like if I want to ever talk to my mom I have to call or I won't ever hear from her again. I am sooo angry and depressed. This is not right. Any advice?;

Depressed - travelinmt

[ In Reply To ..]
If you believe she is not calling you because he has forbidden her to...that speaks volumes for where she is in her marriage to him.

As long as she has indicated to a 3rd party that she can only talk to you if you call her. I would call her daily. He sounds like an abuser and they try to cut their victims off from their family, I wouldn't let him do it.

Just check in with the 3rd party to make sure your Mom is not getting repercussions from you calling her daily.

She needs you in her corner right now, don't sever the contact.

Advice. s/m - liz

[ In Reply To ..]
There is something wrong with the man. No one likes him (you and hub)or are afraid of him. (Your mom.) She has only been married to him for 2 years, which is a short amount of time. See if the 3rd party is willing to start suggesting to your mom that maybe it is in her best interest all the way around to get out of the marriage.

I think she may ultimately decide to do that on her own anyway, but some mention of that by the 3rd party, hub, you, etc. might hasten things along.

Abuse - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
It sounds like he is being "abusive" towards her in some fashion. My husband can tell me all day long not to call someone, but if I want to call them, I am GOING to call them and he knows this. People are not supposed to be in the business of controlling others, period.

If I were you I would push myself on her, surround her with you, just always be there. Do you live close enough to visit often? Visit as often as you can. Go pick up some food and take it to your mom's and the two of you cook dinner together. Be nice to the step-dad, confront him though and tell him it was unfortunate that he and your husband got into an altercation and you hope the two of them can work it out, but this will not affect your relationship with your mother. Don't let him feel like nobody is there to "see it" if he tries to abuse and control your mom. That is very important.

yea, call her whenever and ignore * - you gonna let * bring you done? n/m

[ In Reply To ..]
nm

Thanks for the replies... - blondie

[ In Reply To ..]
It really does make me feel better to hear that I should continue to call her. Actually, I called her today. She was a bit reserved, but I really believe he was in the room with her when I called. She acted different today. The last time I called her she was in her car going to town and she was herself and acted so happy to hear from me.

I am going to try to time the calls when I am sure he won't be there. I am going to call once a week at least. Maybe one day she will call me.

You know, I was thinking today, and I would be so afraid to tell someone I was married to not to call their child or see them. Of course, I would not do that, but even so, I would be afraid my spouse would grow to resent me and hate me. You would think. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe her love for him overpowers her love and bond with me as a daughter. I just don't know. All I can do is try to keep my end open.

Her love for him does not overpower her love for you. - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
She is either very insecure about herself and just afraid to be alone and doesn't want to lose him, no matter what it costs her, or she is afraid of his reaction and does not want to upset him.

Those are things she is going to have to figure out and work out and you will do her the best by sticking by her through it.

drama - anon

[ In Reply To ..]
Where are you from? the South? sounds to me like you are from the South. They like drama down there.

And I can tell you are from the north by your post as well. - Funny how southerners like drama and northerners a

[ In Reply To ..]
x

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