But what they probably won't talk about is how health care reform is straight RACIST in the way it imposes unfair taxes on those Americans who are insufficiently melanin-enabled. Luckily, Glenn Beck's radio show, and its colorful guest hosts, are there to talk about this tanning salon tax, and its terrible racial discrimination.

THOMPSON: For years I've suggested that racism was in decline and yeah, there are some, you know, incidents that still happen with regards to racism, but most of the claims I've said for years, well, they're not really real. But I realize now that I was wrong. For I now too feel the pain of racism. Racism has been dropped at my front door and the front door of all lighter-skinned Americans. The health care bill the president just singed into law includes a 10 percent tax on all indoor tanning sessions starting July 1st, and I say, who uses tanning? Is it dark-skinned people? I don't think so. I would guess that most tanning sessions are from light-skinned Americans. Why would the President of the United States of America -- a man who says he understands racism, a man who has been confronted with racism -- why would he sign such a racist law? Why would he agree to do that? Well now I feel the pain of racism.

 That's fill-in host Doc Thompson, serving up some piss-'n-moan blues about how this tanning salon tax is just like getting spat in the face by white supremacists and whatnot. Of course, the policymakers who included this tax on dangerous fake-tanning will probably tell you that they included the provision to spare people the pain of skin cancer, as well as sparing the citizenry the cost-burden of people who go to tanning salons to burn their skin into oblivion... but so what? This tax totally benefits only "dark-skinned Americans."

So, voila! Doc Thompson is basically the Rosa Parks of squamous cell carcinoma.