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suggestions welcome

Posted: Apr 11, 2011

There's a guy who I am just friends with (we all kind of hang out together at a local track). We all walk together at various times sometimes in a group, sometimes 2 at a time or 1 at a time. This guy and I usually have quite enough to talk about, but occasionally this guy will lapse into total silence. I have seen him do this with just me, or with me and another person, or a group so it is not personal. The trouble is, if it's just me and him, that I start feeling ill at ease and am more likely to just babble something silly, then feel like a big goofball. Have thought I could either ask him something about himself, his family or whatever, or perhaps just move on and leave him alone if that is what he wants. Don't know what the etiquette is on this - tired of feeling like a big doofus. Thanks in advance for any opinions.

;

Just enjoy the silence. Some people are just quiet. - Silence is good

[ In Reply To ..]
I'm like you. I can always find something to say, but there is nothing wrong with a little bit of quiet. See if you can get comfortable with it. It takes practice.

When my DH and I first met he did the same thing - He told me

[ In Reply To ..]
Sometimes people don't need to be talking all the time and its just nice sharing quite moments together where neither of us feels the need to talk.

my 10-year-old seldom talks - XanaX

[ In Reply To ..]
Strangest thing. My boy is the quietest kid you would ever meet. Just like my father and my brother. Still waters run deep, I guess. I am a huge extrovert, great big personality, and I thought I wrecked him by being overbearing, but it's really just who he is. At baseball, after 2 years of being on the same team, one of his teammates came running up to me stating, "Eddie just talked, I didn't know he could!" Absolutely amazing. Teachers just love him. Makes my friends and family nuts, but he is very thoughtful, extremely intelligent and has many friends. Girls are really drawn to his sincere, kind, quiet nature. All you can do is wait for them to speak their usually profound, well-thought-out statements.

thanks - and further thought - Ang

[ In Reply To ..]
I appreciate the thoughts. I think this guy (he has mentioned this) kind of goes out there to de-stress from his job and probably needs the silence, although that is not exactly the place to find it . I don't feel I know him well enough to talk about things that are necessarily all that important to me, although we have occasionally. What bothered me was my nervousness and tendency to rattle when he shuts down. I agree, practicing silence is a good skill - or I could walk alone or join some of the other more consistent people out there. I was being really hard on myself - I think we all come from the point of anxiety once in a while and say something silly.
Thanks for the thoughts.

This pretty much explains it - travelinmt

[ In Reply To ..]
I got this email today and it explains it pretty well.

His and Her Diaries!

Her Diary :

Tonight, I thought my
husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a
restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day
long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but
he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I
suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he
didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.'
I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he
wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about
it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled
slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't
know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I
felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with
me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He
continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all
around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came
to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made
love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts
were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what
to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.

My life is a disaster!

His Diary:

Boat wouldn't start,
can't figure it out, at least I got laid.

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